I had a dead week this week. Nothing much happened. Wednesday we had our last volleyball game and we lost to a hard team; its all good though, I hope we get better in time for Sportsfest! Everybody came over my apartment that night after the game just because it was free and we needed something to do. All we did was play video games, eat, and draw on my white board. Its actually beginning to fill up.

I had my IBM Midterm this week as well, I did pretty well. Almost an A, I got a B. I think I have an A in the class because I got an A in my first midterm and everything else seems to be going well.

Also in this week, Mark came over because he was too tired from his midterm in the morning; just got some rest and chilled until I had work. It was fun because we havent chilled in awhile. Later on in the same night, there was a kick back at the guys new apartment. It was fun, I saw Ana after who knows how many weeks. I kind of ruined their plans on walking around Fullerton but we still had a good time just chillen there. I got kind of buzzed, I had to stay over. We played my board game called Ive Never. Revealed a lot of secrets and learned a lot from everybody; hilarious. I started speaking in Spanish at the people in Albertos. Perry got mad at me but it was all fun.

Mark had a flat tire earlier this week; hence I learned how to change one. I let him borrow some tools and we got it all done. Ive never learned how to change a tire but it was pretty cool learning how to. I kind of just caught him while he was trying to fix it when I called him. Anyways, we got that finished with then I headed out back to the apartment.

Just yesterday after I chilled at home for a little bit, Caleb and Chris came over again. We ended up playing the Wii in our huge projector. We played Halo and Super smash brothers. It was actually a lot of fun; Ive never really done any extreme gaming like that with a huge screen. Of course I won at Smash brothers; haha what can I say? Im gifted there.

Yeah it was pretty much a boring week… maybe something more interesting will happen this week…

The most important part of a relationship? Love. Give it, take it, show it, and embrace it; I deserve better…

Alright so its been a long week; sorry that this blog is late also. I just relaxed this whole weekend and forgot that we didnt have school on Monday.

So we had our Accounting Midterm on Monday; Im hoping that I did good. I didnt really have any questions on it except for one problem, but my cheat sheet had everything I needed on it. Well find out later on this week how well we did.

So regarding my thoughts last week about the whole entire PACN cast shindig, my view did change this week about a lot of things. I wrote a letter to them this week with my concerns; I quickly got a reply so it was all good. Well, I was angry last week so there were words that came out when I was all emotional; many of which werent true. This years board is actually doing a really good job with embracing the concerns and complaints made not only by me but other members as well. My role that I supposedly thought that was a made up role was actually a big role. Not a major role, but a major supporting role. Good enough for me, it makes me happy. I hear that the roles that the e-board took up some of them dropped their roles. Im very glad that e-board is embracing these concerns and very happy that they are dealing with them in a constructive matter. Looks like the end of the year is going to be good; and I am very sure that they are all here for the members.

Also on Wednesday we had a volleyball game; but before I went to that I hung out with Tracee and Christie and ate at Millies. I thought that it was too early for the open mic night but apparently I could have gone; sounds like a missed a really good show. Then later we had a volleyball game. There were twelve of us playing. We basically had to play one full game with one half and another full game with the other half. It was a close game; we lost the first, won the second, and barely lost the third game. We scrimmaged later just for fun.

Apparently it was registration this week; I totally did not know. I later found out about registration and ended up registering for my classes two days late. Its all good though because I got all the classes that I wanted and my schedule is looking really good. I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday which leaves plenty of time for work on all the other days along with studying. In addition to that, its looking really good for PACN especially with the practices lasting late at night.

So I thought I would help out with PACN because I heard that they needed help with finding a rural dance. At that point I thought I would ask Karla if she could ask her group if they could help teach or perform their rural dances at PACN. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem like its going to work out because of financial issues. Anyways, it was a good idea because I know that they genuinely know the real stuff.

So Valentines day… what a depressing day for me. I went through too much stuff that day. Well, I decided to go to my first Barkada meeting since I didnt have work until three. It was nice seeing everybody again and it was cool going to my first Barkada meeting of the quarter. Anyways we went out to eat afterwards but I had to talk to Mark about some things while we were there. Nothing much, just talked to him about my past relationship with she who will not be named. Code name? Lets go with Jessica. Anyways, I just dont understand why Jessica hasnt really been talking to me when in the beginning all she wanted to be was friends. Now she hardly picks up my calls, returns my calls, or talks to me in general. In fact I get the vibe that shes trying to avoid me… well I guess its something that all relationships go through, but she has to understand that I am over her; I just dont want to be a part of her past. I still want to be friends and I still want to be close; maybe not relationship wise. Yeah, I probably am trying too hard, but if I dont try at all, nothing is honestly going to happen and I doubt if were going to be friends. I dont want that. I do believe that its possible for people to become good friends after they break; Ive seen it and I believe it… anyways, Ill get back to this because I had another talk with a friend about it later on in the week.

Later on in the week I went to visit Karla in Irvine. We just caught up on life and thats when I asked her about everything with PACN and stuff. We at are Red Robins and then we went to a party at her friend Nicolles apartment. It was fun; it was real chill. Apparently they got a new projector and they just wanted to watch a movie with it.

Also later on in the week I hung out with Caleb; he totally challenged me at smash brothers. Im telling you Im unstoppable at that game. Anyways it was all fun, later we both decided to get into gunbound again later in the week.

Also I hung out with Christal this week at In n out. We just caught up on things because it might have been over a year since the last time we hung out. We seriously talked a lot about relationships. I talked about mine and she talked about hers. Shes in a new one now. Anyways, I explained that I still call and if I dont she wont call. And its true. Because I could see it from Jessicas point of view with Christal and I could explain my point of view. Basically Im supposed to be a part of Jessicas past; but I dont want that. And I know that Jessica doesnt regret anything and she does genuinely love and care about me; she just got tired of me. Sounds horrible; but it happens. Anyways, I do believe that we could become friends again, real close ones at that. Trust me when I say that Im over it; I deserve better. I dont deserve to be treated the way Jessica treats me; however, I do care about her and love her as a person and would love to have her around to hang out with, to call, to basically be really good friends. I really do hope we get close again.

Anyways, on a brighter note, I wanted to help coordinate Sayaw sa Bangko in PACN. Im supposed to coordinate with Chrstine and Im sure well do a good job. Sounds like a lot of fun but sounds like a lot of planning at the same time. Im sure well do fine, I plan to have Sayaw amazing this year.

I also hung out with Greta this week. I met her Baby, got a picture, and caught up on things. Well hang out again sometime soon.

I was supposed to hang out with Grace this week, but we were both a bit busy. Hopefully next weekend. I was also supposed to go to San Diego this week with Karla and her family. But it didnt work out.

Ive gotten into that game I got for Christmas two years ago called guild wars; its a lot of fun but takes up a lot of time. Nothing much to say about that. Anyways, it was a long week, hopefully this week will be just as exciting and hopefully Ill get a lot of things done. Gotta stick to my resolutions with staying in shape and dieting.

Hey, lets be friends again ok? At the very least. Lets be friends. What do you have to lose? Youll only gain something from it. You said you wouldnt leave me; please stay to your promise, you do mean a lot to me.

UGHHHH what a frustrating week!! There were a lot of ups and downs this week but overall I learned a lot…

So starting in the beginning of the week I hung out with Jaimie and Leah and we just talked about San Francisco. Its all good, it seems that we were all able to talk about all of our concerns about the trip. Overall though we had a good time just chillen. Later I got Mark some food for his practice since I havent hung out with him in awhile; really busy with b.MOD and hell week.

I had a talk with that old friend that I thought was ignoring me. Once again were cool, but its not like were constantly talking to each other ya know? I guess its all in the process of getting over one another. Its alright, I mean I do miss her, but eventually well be at the point again where were just really great friends. In the end though, Im just really glad that were cool and talking to each other again; I dont have that feeling in the back of my mind that shes mad at me.

Im beginning to watch house since our cable has been out for several months and we have the season one dvd. I like it A LOT. Its really interesting and just something that Id throw out. Our cable came back later on this week though so we have tv to watch at the apartment finally. I still am not watching a lot though, its just that I dont have that much time to do it.

I finished learning to play the say Way Back Into Love from the movie Music and Lyrics this week. Now Im beginning to learn how to play Because of You by Keith Martin. Its a lot harder that the other song; but I plan to continue to practice piano and learn more songs. For lent, I gave up myspace and AIM, I plan to add more things later but I havent really decided what yet. I mean its pretty much everything that I plan to do for my New Years resolution; maybe for lent I should just make sure that I stay on track with my resolutions.

We had volleyball on Wednesday and we won by default since the other team didnt have enough people playing. I wasnt there either though. I decided to go to Joes Sushi to celebrate Gregs Birthday. It was the best sushi Ive ever had and it was all you can eat. I swear I had so much sushi that night, I think I had like thirty plus rolls. Weve gotta eat there again sometime.

I got paid on Friday and I got a grip of clothes this week. Mostly from Urban. I definitely like the majority of their clothes. Their style is freakin awesome. SO if any of you ever plan to get me a gift certificate, get me one from Urban. Currently, this is where Im getting the majority of my clothes. Talk about brand loyalty.

I finally hung out with Ivan this week. Havent seen that guy in years. It was cool, I had a good time. We just got lunch and ended up playing guitar hero at his house; I had work later so I couldnt really stay long. Definitely gotta chill again sometime.

I hung out with Caleb last night. We just got Red Robbins with my brother and another friend named Chris. Later we went to our house and watched random movies on TV and reminisced about high school; yeah those were the days. I miss high school a lot as well, but college is a whole different story that Im definitely enjoying.

Today I went to Pasadena with the fam bam. Just got some shopping done, no big deal. I got some jeans among a few other things. Just walking around Old Pasadena brought up some old memories though… I kind of just got some pictures of what happened there before; some things that made me happy. I miss those days as well.

SO something really pissed me off this week. And I mean really pissed off. So we were supposed to find out about our roles in PACN this week; very disappointing results. Well I didnt find out about my role until we went to Erins birthday karaoke. I find that I dont even have a role; funny since I called like four or five times to get my role. So Im mad that I dont have a role even though I tried out for a main role. I learn later that there were others who didnt get a role either. So Im just thinking in my mind, sorry for the language within the next paragraph, what the fuck?! I learn LATER that people who did not even want to try out for main roles got the main roles; I got more pissed off and once again what the fuck?! The final straw was when I heard that more than half of the e-board has roles and a lot of those roles are somewhat big in the PACN… WHAT THE FUCK?! Ok Ok Ok, so here are the supposed reasons for this. The first reason is that my personality didnt fit any of the roles… OK, thats the point of acting; youre supposed to act outside of your personality and thats why there are acting directors to help you do so; so dont give me that shit that my personality doesnt fit any of the roles. NEXT the reason for some of the e-board being the big roles is because the roles were already ready for them; some of the names of the roles being pretty obvious that they were for those persons. SO if you already had a cast picked out for PACN why did you even have try outs for any of the roles? You picked your cast out because they mesh good together? BULL. PACN is supposed to bring everybody together; not people who already mesh well with each other. Its supposed to bring the whole club together. And why do the judges have big roles in the PACN? They are judges and just because they are judges does not mean that they can place themselves within certain roles; basically they are putting themselves in front of members. ONCE AGAIN you have to understand that members come first before anything. SO why do e-board members have roles but regular members dont? In addition to that, why do regular members still dont have roles while e-board has the majority of the big roles? Very upsetting. Heres a story, I felt that our tinikiling was bias last year so I gave up my position in tinikiling because I felt that members should be experiencing that role who really wanted it. You cant take away those benefits from the members; especially since youre on board. This years cast for PACN is very bias to me as well as picked out of favoritism. Remember, this is the members PACN; even though e-board was in charge of the script, the actual PACN is the members. SO once again my main concerns are why is it that the people who didnt want the main roles in the first place got the main roles; those people who did not have the passion and excitement to get it in the beginning in comparison to those who really tried and put effort into trying to get those roles? Another concern is why is it that there are members who did not get any roles, regardless of what type of role that they tried out for, and e-board members and judges got the majority of big roles? Why are the e-board members being put in front of regular members? Do you have to be in e-board to get a big role? WHY were there try outs when there was basically already set positions for actors? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HOPE that roles are not being made up just to compensate for complaints from NOT JUST ME but from members who did not get roles. Because if they are then those roles have no point in the PACN, those roles can be taken out and the PACN would be exactly the same. I have already brought up these concerns with e-board; and have offered to speak of my complaints at their next e-board meeting. I am more than willingly to bring up my concerns. I am very upset and disappointed with these past decisions; if e-board truly believes members come first, then theyll know what to do with their roles…

A note to this blog, these are just my personal observations as well as others who share the same view, there may be some people who dont agree with this; however, I find that those people are the ones who got the largest benefits from PACN without even trying.

I apologize if this blog causes harm to anybody; but my blogs are basically used to jot down my personal thoughts and thus may or may not be the actual story; it may be exaggerated or it may be exactly what happened. You can agree or disagree with this; check back a week later and maybe my views will have changed by then.

On a lighter note, Im glad were talking again…

A lot of things happened this week as well as a lot of mixed emotions. Sometimes its just easier to go down the list of things that I did this week…

Monday Mark stayed over cause he was too tired and helped me finish my project for IBM 301. I had a midterm this week for that class and ended up getting a ninety percent on it; not too bad at all. Im hoping that I get a good grade on my project; we shall see, we shall see.

On a bright note, I am getting really good results from working out; Im hearing from a lot of people that Im looking skinnier. Im not sure if I should take it as a good thing or bad thing because Im trying to look like Im getting back in shape. Im guessing its a good thing though because I am losing weight. I feel like I should go on one of those weight loss commercials with the before and after pictures haha; just kidding though, I havent gotten THAT big of results yet. But Im going to continue working on it for sure.

Wednesday we had a volleyball game. We were so close to winning! We had won our first game and lost the second game. The third game we lost again but the whole time it was neck and neck. Close game in general since the points were always switching sides. Im glad I joined volleyball again this quarter...

… Something else happened Wednesday night; but Ill get to that later, since thats probably the main thing Id like to talk about in this blog.

Thursday night we went to BJs for Pats birthday, I had a good time there. I got to chill with a lot of the older people who I havent seen in a long time. I halved a plate with Joy and for desert I halved a pazzuki with Joy and Jowee. Later that night we went to the last night at the Citrus apartment and some people got crazy drunk. I didnt stay long because I had work the next day. I heard some stories though; some crazy drama with Jowee, Joy, and Rhea. Something about a fight. Anyways, I dont know too much about it; Ill have to learn more when I actually talk to them. I didnt drink that night; I wasnt really I the mood and I was REALLY tired from midterms.

This weekend I spent it in SAN FRANCISCO. I probably would have loved it and enjoyed it much more if it werent raining and spent a few days more there. I was so tired from the drive that I couldnt really hype myself up during the Saturday we were there. I didnt get to see the main sites there and we didnt go shopping in the huge shopping centers, but we did walk around HAIGHT Street where there were a whole lot of vintage shops; it was pretty cool. I learned a lot about some Filipino History at a couple of sites, including some murals, street names, and buildings. There was a hotel party for Pat, but I heard that they got in trouble because of the noise complaints. Im glad that everybody had fun though. I didnt drink or party, I slept because I had to drive home. Still though, one thing I learned from this trip is that I probably would only live in Southern California. The weathers nice here, the atmosphere is nice here; everything in general is just so much more pleasant here to me. I would LOVE to go to San Francisco again, but with different intentions. We shall see what happens in the future. BUT after spending a fun weekend in Frisco, Ive gotten behind in all my homework.

SO super bowl weekend? I have no idea who played in it; Im honestly not into football. I was supposed to chill with Caleb this weekend at his apartment for super bowl; but obviously I didnt make it back in time to go over. Ill probably give him a call later on this week to chill when I have time. WHICH reminds me that I need to call JoJo up to hang out too. JoJo went to Vegas to celebrate Irishs birthday, I hope they had just as much fun as I did; if not more. I was also supposed to hang out with Amverlee this week, but she wasnt available. Ill try to hang out with her this week also.

Anyways Im thinking of being MIA for awhile… actually just for this month of February. Like Im not planning to log into myspace, go on AIM, or anything of that sort. Im hoping not to be tempted to hang out with everybody and all of this other stuff. TOTALLY MIA for a month. Why? I have my reasons… I dont really have the liberty to speak right now. Well see how that goes though; who knows, I may change my mind.

Alright so Wednesday night. I had a talk with an old friend; shes really cool you know? I had a huge crush on her for awhile before and we even dated… then I found her chillin with somebody new. Not that they were together or anything, I dont even think that she likes him. But when I saw them I kind of over reacted inside thinking that she found somebody… stupid me. I mean I told her everything that night and she got really upset with me. I said a lot of stupid things that I shouldnt have said. At the same time, I really couldnt control my emotions so things were being said left and right. Sorry for the lack of a better term, but jealousys a bitch. You may think that youre over somebody but find out that you actually arent. Im so not over it right now. In the process of getting through it… Its just so hard to give up at times when you think somebody is the right person for you. I had a mental breakdown that night; its one of those time when all those emotions that you hide inside come bursting out. I cant really stand it. Im so sorry for saying a whole mess of things that I shouldnt have; I really do care about her though. I hope so much that she cares about me too. Unfortunately, I havent heard from her since that night. Ive been trying to contact her; but Ive given up. She doesnt pick up my phone calls, doesnt reply to my messages; doesnt seem she wants to hear or see me. Im not really surprised; shes really tired of me. Ive already lost her as a lover; I just really hope that I dont lose her as a close friend. Honestly, all I can do is wait; Ive given up trying to get in touch with her. I just have to wait until shes ready to hear and see me again. I hope soon… I miss her.

God, Im dying on the inside… Lord help me.