Monday, March 30, 2009
I'm starting a new project on tumblr. Simple and sweet; I'm trying to document every new thing I learn every day. Open for anyone to follow and experience versus my blogspot that's shared only to my dearest friends...
... of course, it could never go in depth as my lovely blog that I plan on continuing to utilize as a cup to catch the spills of my most deep inner thoughts.
FYI: Check the links above.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
You'll be the one who goes to their amazing job to earn an amazing amount of income for a not so amazing family if you do find one willing to be second priority. You'll be the one who will get married when things are stable and when money permits to and you will probably sign a prenuptial agreement to assure that things are fair. You'll be the one who will go out and do incredible things by means of your own without any help whatsoever. You're going to follow your dreams and not let anyone hold you back. You don't want depend on anyone and you don't want anyone depeding on you.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
I'll be the one who schedules my hours of work to maximize the spending time I have with my family and they will be my first priority. I'll be the one to get married when love permits and I will be reckless with money, sometimes. I don't need a document to know how much I love somebody and to recognize my personal achievements because in the end everything turn out fair if you weigh out the finances and love. I'll acheive my dreams without any doubt, however, not alone but with all the friendships and relationships I've created. I will do the same in return for anybody else. I'll let people hold me back if they can't keep up cause I want them there with me in the end. I depend on people and people depend on me because I depend on love to keep me going.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
I will not hold you back from your dreams anymore but please, don't you ever dare string me along or pull me forward when I'm not ready to step ahead and leave everything behind. I walk together, not alone.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
For your information:
I may be wrong in what I've said, but from the way you've brushed my shoulder, this is how I see you now... That's probably why I was so attracted to you, because you do amazing things.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I never sent it, I don't think I could ever treat you the same way as you have done to me. Anyways, for some odd reason, you're always welcome in my life despite the shit you've put me through and continue to.
... and if you read this; get your life together. Fuck.
Everyone has their poison... what's yours?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
absolutely incredible. It's different individually in comparison to
watching it with a companion. Beautiful thoughts come out of beautiful
sights.
"Find the good in people"
It's a new day.
--
Sent from Jared's Awesome T-Mobile Sidekick®
... hence the count down begins.
... I'm kind of sad.
*tear*
--
Sent from Jared's Awesome T-Mobile Sidekick®
Monday, March 23, 2009
Have you ever played five fingers? The rules are simple, you hold up five fingers and everyone in the circle goes around and says something that they've never done; and if you have done it, you must put your finger down. The last person to keep all five fingers up wins the game.
Unfortunately, this metaphor of a tale will only require my own personal truths:
I'm currently holding five fingers up. I'm on top of my game as they stand tall and proud. Then I see you walk into this game and my walls immediately break down as you come into the picture. It's just the two of us left as you utter those unbareable words... I've never.
I have always been completely open to you and to everybody around me. I've spoken my feelings and emotions to you countless times and wondered if you could actually tell me something interesting in return. I don't think I can ever shut you out, slam the doors, or close my books on you; I'll leave everything out in the open. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you shut me out of your life.I've never been completely open to you...
Saying that I've never regretted telling you absolutely everything would be a lie on my part; so another finger goes down as I'm left with three. I feel like I'm building a wall between us rather than breaking them down. Every word I speak adds another brick, harder cement, and more resistance between us. I regret it all, telling you my secrets and dispensing my advice on your life to help you. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you don't regret telling me that it wasn't going to work out and you don't regret hurting me.I've never regretted anything I've said...
I didn't mean what I had just said; I didn't mean that I regret it, in actuality I'm completely thankful for it; I'm left with two. I'm thankful for telling you everything, for boosting your ego, and giving you my all because now you know just how much potential I have and that you may lose if I'm broken; and that in fact I did mean. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you really meant it, you don't think it's going to work out.I've never told you anything that I didn't mean...
I've always thought that it was the right time. Maybe I was wrong but saying that I've never thought that it was the right time wouldn't make me completely honest; all I have is one now. I'm being completely honest now, I still think it's the right time. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you never thought it was the right time us and as stated before, you really meant it.I've never thought that it was the right time for us...
My heart hits the bottom shattered in pieces all over the floor. I believe it's pretty self explanatory. Hesitant to bring my last finger down, I have no choice in this game of truth. So now my eyes are tightly shut closed and my hand is clenched in the form of a fist; sad, mad, angry, depressed, frustrated, and tense....I've never wanted to be with you and I don't want to be with you...
Slowly but surely, my arm relaxes and my fist and eyes are opened to the realization of past times being over.
I utter a fake smile.
Then you look at me with compassionate, pitiful, and sorrowful eyes about the mistakes you've done and how you wish you could undo the past. Your eyes say it all; they never lie to me and in that single instant you've somehow managed to pick up all the pieces and put it together."I'm out of fingers... I guess I lost."
You interlock fingers with me as I think to myself, I lost the game, but I think I won your heart in the end."Here, I only have four fingers left but you can borrow some of mine"
My hand does wonders; please clasp my hand, hold it softly, and never let it go. Everything will be a-ok.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
GMQ QVXGM BMCCH GMQ LVE NQ IQG, TDG IE NCXUL UVE PXCAQY GMQ YKJMG ECD UQPG. GYLY XIE OLY OTOZD QZVG XIEL QOLW VIEHG VI WYKV WX GYOLV. U SMTW JMG YUPP ZW CLCUI CIQ TMPPUREJ POCJ. SDVP HCMVXWK KDEWR.
... UKGW MXH OMZH WSOH
I hope you understand what I'm going through and what I went through.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
I'm kind of tired of hearing you talk about the same thing all the time. Whenever you talk about it, if its not something good its something bad, if its not something sad its something happy, if its not something negative its something positive, if its not something frustrating its something comforting... you've seen all sides of the situation and despite all the things that bother you the fact is that you continue to think about it. Call me crazy but if you've stuck through it and thought about it this long then maybe that tells you that you're willing to commit to it... with all the times I hear you complain or rejoice about "it," it's enough for me to believe that you do in fact like "it;" both good and bad things... you know those are the perfect ingredients to maintain a healthy... nevermind; you'll have to figure it out on your own. That's just me though... I honestly think it's... inevitable.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Problem:
Where is starts:
beau⋅ty
[byoo-tee]Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
Don't ever try to imitate another person's image because of what you may think is "beautiful." Remember, beauty is matching your percieved self with your ideal self which may be completely different from your actual self. It is your self, not theirs.
Don't let another's perception of beauty define yours; don't let them define your life. It's your life, "Own it."
Beautiful.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
SORRY, this is my first non-sensible blog in a long time...
LOVE it! She's turning into a slut but I love it!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
Sometime's it's hard to find the right words to say to someone when they need help; all it takes is some soul searching. Then again, maybe somebody has already experienced what you have and has discovered the perfect play of words to set the stage for something beautiful.
I've learned that not everybody is fully appreciated for their entire self and often times people are taken for granted. I've seen it, I've experienced it, I've learned from it, and I've changed from it. I hope this piece of advice solves the puzzles of your past, present or future.
Basically, you were the potter and I was your clay. You were doing such a great job. We were doing such a great job. But, you had to stash this piece of art in your back room along with the rest of your past. I guess I just wasn't what you wanted or expected. But you know what they say, "one man's junk is another man's treasure." And take note of that word: treasure. Someday, I will find somebody who will value my worth. Somebody that will want me for my love and all I have to give. Somebody that will accept me for who I am. I'll move onto bigger and better things, and you will be the one stuck in that cluttered back room, overwhelmed with your past. With our past. And it'll be too late when you finally realize that you created a masterpiece.
I honestly don't know where this originated from, but I'm borrowing this from my friend's blog where he borrowed it from another's.
It's amazing what one's story can do to others; you see, without physically seeing the writer, you've already made an emotional connection with them. You don't even know who this person is, but if there's one thing you can guarantee and appreciate is that you know they've helped you.
Here's an old entry of mine actually from my myspace that I've never transferred onto my blogger:
The greatest irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right & finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life & sometimes you think you're already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love, love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much & the other was being loved too little as we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. Here's a piece of advice: Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough, & move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more, surely then, you will know true love...
Share stories; share love.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I love Valentine's whether or not I have somebody to celebrate it with. There's only one day in the year that's dedicated to love. I didn't have a Valentine's this year, but spent yesterday giving my friend's ideas on how I would have spent it if I had one and feeling good about myself.
PostSecret had an awesome post this week:
"Be Mine, Nothing More, Nothing Less"
This year, I gave my friends ideas so they would:
Feel like this:
Not regret this:
Tell a story like this:
And realize this:
I do realize that I've gotten all of these from PostSecret; but I must say, that I loved this week's post.
2, <3, & :)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
As life dictates every individual's story, hair is the single witness to attest to your experiences. It has gone through all the times that you've had, or had not, and all the successes and failures that you've had, or had not. In a sense, as you grow more as a human being, your hair grows just as much and signifies every adventure you've taken. By cutting your hair, you're letting go of the past experiences, holding on to the roots of new acquired knowledge, and growing into something new.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
I remember the times when my hair wasn't done. Sometimes it was up, at times it was down, usually it was messy, but it never needed to impress anyone. It was in a place called home; close to the heart yet far from hands. I could wake up in the morning and let it do what it wanted to do, it honestly didn't matter as long as it was comfortable... and there goes another strand; I see it fall. It fell from the back of my head, the back of my mind. Memories of home so sweet and dear; I took it for granted for what it had to offer. Old time friends with old time memories now lay on the floor scattered in pieces. There's more room now for a new house and hopefully new memories.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
My hair was always neat for situations such as these; so cut and so clean. Fresh and unique, made to stand out and grab attention as it seemed. At the top of my head was life's greatest happiness and greatest despair; a universal need called love. My hair went around in all directions: straight, left, curled, under, flipped, licked, and even twisted. It came to the point when there was just too much to handle so I'd put on a hat or beanie to cover the disaster. Hiding a mess doesn't solve the problem; it just makes it un-discoverable to the eye until you've come home, taken it off, and realized there's still nothing you can do to fix it... much hair has been cut yet the roots remain. Hopefully to grow in a new direction, rather than the same.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
I never paid attention to this part, I sort of put if off to the side. It wasn't too much of a hassle until recently. The sides of my hair grow slowly yet surely; regardless of what I want or do not want. I'm growing up, time won't pause for age. Eventually I will be a man and the child in my heart will remain in my dreams. I see familiar strands fall again. Nothing is stopping it's growth and the direction isn't changing; but at at times it's alright, let's cut the age gap, and feel younger once more.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
There are some things in life that you aren't ready to cut out or maybe even strands of hair that have grown the same as before. A love or an item you thought you had lost may have come back unexpectedly without notice; or better yet with. It's the first thing you see when you get up, it doesn't seem to listen to you, it bugs you the whole day, it's the last thing you think about before you sleep, yet ruins the entire picture. There it lies, front and center of your head; there's not much you can do with it, but deal with it in the end. Maybe eventually it will listen, maybe eventually it'll change, maybe eventually you'll like it; but then again maybe you won't. For now I'll keep it there, just for old times sake; I won't cut you out of my life, but you're on the center of my mind and the reason my head aches.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
Hair once blinded my eyes, deafened my ears, covered my face, and hid my lips. A haircut cleans the past, provides a new slate, and an allows unknown future...
... and so it ends; my eyes can see again, my ears can hear again, my face can feel again, and my lips can kiss again.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
It's that time of the year when the true potential of the Academics Chair shines. With "so much to do with so little time" just how am I going to handle everything? Here is a small gist of the things that I need to plan, coordinate, host, help, or accomplish at least by the end of February starting with the so-called "simple everyday" activities:
- 16 Units of Upper Division Business Classes
- 20 - 25 Hours of Work a week
- Study Sessions: Monday - Thursday two hours a day
- Academics Month: Workshops every Tuesday and Thursday
- In charge of fundraising and philanthropy for February
- Kuya/Ate Program: 2nd Grouping and Pairing
- Family Program: Ice Skating
- Barkada Family Reunion: New event created by me to bring back Barkada Alumni
- Alumni Banquet: Yearly event to celebrate the Alumni and give thanks
- Pilipino Graduation: As president, I still have tons to do with committees, the MCC budget request, MCC meetings, the admin fund, the website, deadlines, appointments, interviews, etc. It's an entire separate club on it's own with so many duties to be done
- Study Nights: Finals Week
- Graduation: Staying on top of my courses to graduate on time
- Sportsfest: LARGEST Pilipino Sports Tournament in the United States, though I am not in charge of this event, I'll be playing a big role with helping out our Sports Chair as much as I can
- PACN: The major night of the year that most members remember Barkada for; once again, I am not in charge of this event, but I will be trying my best to help out as much as I can
And this is yet still a SMALL gist of things that need to be done. I'm not even including the meetings, planning, promotion, and the fact that I'm still in the moving process switching locations.
I don't think you can completely comprehend how much work this is unless you're actually doing the planning.
Lord help me, but I can guarantee you, I will be an Academics Chair to be remembered. I'm doing something great, not only for myself, but for the members. I'm already so very pleased with what I've done with the Family Program and Kuya/Ate Program; so far every pair loves their counterpart. The members chose me because they believed that I can do it; and I believe that I could. I'm doing something new, I'm doing something amazing, and I'm doing something great for this organization. I'm still amazed to this day how many people have come to up to me and asked, "Jared, I need some academic help, can you help me?" as well as "Jared, I LOVE MY KUYA/ATE/ADING! Great job!"
... But on the real, I LOVE being Academics Chair; there are only a select few individuals who can really do it. And for those who have done it, you should know exactly what point I am in right now and hopefully agree with me completely.
Currently feeding on motivation to keep me going... along with coffee.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
PAUSE
Here we are at the end of 2008; tears, laughter, happiness, anger, dispair, love, h8... change is in progress as we move out of the old ways and into a new era. Change has always been in progress; no year has ever been the same. Much has left to be done in the United States as we focus on making every individual equal in some form or another.
Stop, look, and listen: My own personal battles continue to this day and will continue into the new year. Battle for love, battle for equality, battle for rights, battle for knowledge, battle for money, battle for happiness, battle for dreams, and battle for life. I'm still searching for love, America in many ways has found equality and in many others has not, rights are still yet to be given, I'm continuing my education as I work towards my degree, money is always a constant struggle, and like many others I'm still trying to live the dream of my pursuit of happiness.
REWIND
Looking back, a lot has happened this year and I've gained a lot of experience. If I were to label this year with one word, I'd label it as a year of repair. At the end of 2007, I hit rock bottom with love, life, and happiness. I lost love, I didn't want to live, and happiness seemed so far away. Loneliness was all around me and I felt a huge depression by myself. It has taken a lot of courage, pride, and determination to get where I am today; happier than ever. I've gotten over my heartache, I'm walking a new road and I'm content whether it's by myself or with others, I've gained new friends and a new family, and I have plenty of supporters. I've climbed back up. There's another side of me that others have experienced as my true self continues to bring light and insight into my own self as well as those around me.
FASTFORWARD
Looking into 2009, I hope more dreams come true. I hope to grow more as an individual as well as a partner. I hope to fight for more rights other than those that affect me. I hope to help someone everyday. I hope to trust more. I hope to save a life. I hope to live my life. And as ironic as it may sound, I hope that some of my goals and dreams are not met and that I do have hardships and struggles. I don't hope to reach all of my goals.
Stability is something that supposedly everybody soughts for. I'm not looking for stability though I am looking for equality. A fine line of distinction rests between these two. I'll say once more, I am not looking for stability. I always want to be fighting for something, I always want to working for a goal, I always want to be helping somebody, and I always want to know that in some way or another I can help; stability takes all of that away. Yes, I am fighting for equality; I wish for everybody to be equal. Stability, in that sense, I am looking for. Stability as in I have nothing worth fighting for or working towards, I do not wish to have. There's always something to fight for...
I want to be written down in history...
PLAY AND REPEAT
Let's press play now as we begin this new year. Let 2009 be the end of 200h8 discrimin8ion and 8igotry, the marker for change, and the beginning of the rise above intolerance and inequality. let's not repeat as that will only end in defeat and defiance.
Let's change this world, let's save lives, and let's make a difference. Walk with me.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I'll be fine. Thanks for giving me a taste of my own medicine:
After my previous blog, I think I've answered my own question; I'm sure that the way I handle these type of situations is the right way. With the help that you gave, it'll be that much easier to get out of this loophole.I'm more likely to catch you, put you on your feet, brush the dirt off your clothes, tie your shoes, tell you to watch your step, and send you on your way while I'll go mine...
It's just one of those cases where we know it's right, but it just can't happen. We both knew that "we" just weren't possible (trust me, I knew it and I know you did too), but it was just more difficult for me to give up. Thanks, you're bigger and stronger than me; you're a good person. We'll be travelling the world in opposite directions soon (figuratively and literally), so until next time, "cheers!"
I'll send you off now; I'm not going to battle it out anymore.
Friday, December 26, 2008
How disappointing, I've had the same new year's resolution for two years now that I've put off. Actually, it's more like a goal; a goal that I still haven't met.
I'm too much of a coward; I don't thing I have enough courage to reach my goal. The longer I prolong it, the further away I feel I stray from my family. I'm more afraid of the risk; I have no idea what the outcome could be like.
Is it my dream? Or is it my nightmare? I'm too weak; I don't want my resolution of two years to be the same for next year...
... but I still have five days.
I hope that day comes before next year.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Falling is funny; most of the time people use the metaphor to ask, "Are you going to catch me?" In many situations, it's hit or miss, black or white, right or wrong, catch or fall, etc. It's even more frustrating for me to hear some say:
Personally, I'm not the type of guy to say something like that. If you fall for me, I'm more likely to catch you, put you on your feet, brush the dirt off your clothes, tie your shoes, tell you to watch your step, and send you on your way while I'll go mine; I've heard that I'm too nice.Don't fall for me, I won't catch you...
I'm not sure which is more troubling: Having somebody catch you while you hold on or hitting rock bottom and see them walk away. I guess this is how they define what a "gentleman" is versus a "jerk."
Maybe this answers the life question that so many guys ask, "Why do they like jerks?" Some see relationships like ripping off band-aids: if they're hurt they rather have it quick and excruciating while others rather have it slow and more sparse out.
Going along the metaphor of "falling," I've noticed that some fall quick and hard but pop right back up; while on the other side, some hardly fall at all but when they do, it's impossible for them to stand once more. Label these two categories whichever way you want; personally I don't think that's the key point here. The important fact is that either way you fall, in the end, it hurts; it hurts a lot.
Being the over analytical person, I just wanted to break down this metaphor. I don't fall often; in fact, if I were to count how many real crushes I've had, it'd probably be only two. However, when I do fall, I don't think "falling" is the right word to describe myself...
... It's more like I trip unexpectedly, do an extremely hard face plant, slide down a cold slope thus creating a huge snowball with my body inside it, fall over cliff down hundreds of feet onto a metal ramp yet somehow breaking free of the snowball while standing, and launch myself off the into the skies helplessly waving my arms in the air until I finally hit the floor head first with my legs sticking up in the air as I sink deeper into the quicksand with my whole body broken making it impossible to move or get out... I think that's a good way to describe it.
If I could change the chemicals in my brain to fall more often, I probably would so that I wouldn't seem like the person who will "never find anybody good enough for them." Look, I love and enjoy everybody that I meet and treat them exactly how I would with anyone else; I am truly sorry if my brain can't seem to develop feelings (not saying that someone has "fallen" for me right now; this is just for future reference).
So if I do fall for somebody, I'd rather much say, "I've face planted for you."
...
... and yes, right about now, I think "I've face planted for you."
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