Gravity

I'm losing my passions. Whether it comes to school, friends, family, clubs, work, love... life.

Just looking back at it all, I was so excited to start school with it being my last year of college. I wanted to do everything; and I am. I'm so overwhelmed with everything that the things that I used to love are becoming the things that I despise. Everything is so demanding that I hardly have time for myself. I am genuinely sorry about my last post; I was being emotional and I'm beginning to put the blame on other things when the reason lies within myself.

Friends and family are complete other stories. Coming back home and listening to all the things that I've done wrong, all the things that I need to finish, and how much I'm neglecting to spend time with everybody depresses me; and I just think that there's nothing that I can do.

Money and job issues are killing me. I've gotten so many hours that it takes up all the time in my day. I was so excited to start working for Starbucks and I still am; but the time constraints are so over bearing. In addition to this, I honestly feel that I'm not getting anything out of it. All of my paychecks have been going to my old debt on my credit card and I haven't had extra money to spend in months. So I feel like I'm working for nothing.

With all the stresses from school, work, and family I figure that my release from it all would be my extra activities. How ironic is it that in that area, most of my stress and aggression lies. What can I do...

Love, relationships, crushes, flings, whatever you want to call it all; all of those things made me happy too. Lately with all the times I've been let down it's something that I'm beginning to lose faith in. Even when somebody who is a genuinely good person enters my life, I don't even bother trying to call anymore because I figure even if something were to happen, I'd only be hurting them because I wouldn't be able to commit a lot of time with them... regardless if I have strong feelings for them or not and they reciprocate it back.

"Why do you give so much time to those that aren't important in your life and neglect to give any time to those that really matter?"

I don't know... I honestly don't.

Lord help me.