Tuesday, June 02, 2009
My dear Barkada, there are no words or phrases that can completely sum up the love I have for you. They say once in a lifetime experiences are those that you will never forget; I can honestly say you are one of those experiences. I don’t have to reiterate what “Barkada” means to me because there is one unifying definition that seems to remain in all of us; and that is family. Barkada without a doubt is a family; a family that I have grown with and have identified with. All of us are connected with one another and have left a piece of our hearts in one shape, way, or form. Home is where the heart is, and in our case, it’s the Bahay Kubo. I’m leaving my heart in the Bahay Kubo as I take these last steps outside hoping that I have inspired, motivated, and driven you all to fight for what you believe in no matter who or what holds you back. It’s all about passion; find your passion and embrace it tightly. Do not let anyone take your passion away from you.
I must thank you Barkada. I never would have discovered my identity if not for you. I am a Filipino American completely knowledgeable of his culture, traditions, and heritage. I am truly blessed to have met some incredible individuals as well as help shape others into what they have always dreamt of; I sincerely hope that you all eventually do the same. Inspire others, help others, console others, hug, kiss, embrace, and accept others for being human whether or not you see them as perfection. Everyone enters the Bahay Kubo looking for shelter; I can guarantee you that nobody leaves the same as they once were. You’ll find yourself accepting things you never accepted before, you’ll find yourself living with individuals who you completely disagree with, you’ll find yourself giving your all as someone refuses to share the wealth; nonetheless, all of this helps create your identity. Remember what you have to give and bring to the Bahay Kubo even if it’s nothing and never forget what you leave with.
I’m leaving with pride and love for not only myself but the community. I’m leaving with my mind and heart filled with compassion and love from others. I’m leaving with absolutely nothing that I came with because I left my hardships and experiences in the house for others to learn from. I’m leaving with a vision of hope and a vision of peace. I’m leaving with tears falling from my eyes knowing my time is over but joyful that your time has just begun…
Unfortunately, I’m not leaving with you and I’m not leaving while holding your hands; you’re time isn’t over… despite this, I am leaving; I am leaving the Bahay Kubo. One day, I will return fascinated at the changes you all have made and full heartedly happy that the legacy lives on. I love you Barkada. Thank you for everything.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Everyone wants to be seen as a hero, as a saint, as an amazing individual with skills and trademarks that set them apart from the crowd. To perform the impossible and to be rewarded for their humane and courageous acts making them seem anything but human. To save lives, to inspire, to make their mark, to influence, to make a difference, and in general to be an genuine role model for followers to imitate. The world is their pallet and they are the artist shaping it into what is said to be good and justice. I am one of those individuals who wish to do that and I am one of those individuals who accomplish the aforementioned. I speak, I write, I act, and I perform. I am a legend...
... there's no wonder why heroes have a secret identity that remains to be untold. It's the only true evidence that they are human and that they can make mistakes just as much as the next person. They have troubles, they have hardships, they have problems, and they can't do the impossible as much as they'd like to believe they could. They don't shine and the good majority of the time it's their "hero" identity that overshadows and overpowers the secret identity. It's the hero that everyone is desperate to hear about and learn about; it's their famous accomplishments that anyone would want to be part of. The hero has the perfect costume and outfit to hide the secret identity and as much as the hero is glorified and congratulated, the secret identity remains forgotten... people fall in love with the hero, not the identity.
Most people know me as the Academic Chair of Barkada, the President of Pilipino Graduation, the External Affairs from two years ago, the guy in charge of the Kuya/Ate program, and as one of the "Legends" who has done unbelievable things with many credentials. But for those who have seen the secret side of me, the side that has cried, the side that has failed, the side that needs help, that side that needs that hand, and the side that makes me human... No number of fans and cheers can ever surpass the amount of love I have and felt for you.
... so for now on, I plan on finding the secret identity in heroes and congratulate them for being human; fall in love with the secret identity, not the hero.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I still bring a lunch bag to school everyday.
Packed inside is a sandwhich, juice, chips, and occasionally a nice sweet. If not a sandwhich, leftovers from the day before with some rice, a spork, and napkins to clean up the mess. I don't make it though, I'm lucky enough to have my parents find time to do such a simple task... at least it seems simple.
I mean, how difficult can it be? Get a brown paper bag or a lunch pail with some small plastic bags on the side, pack them with the goods, seal it up, and head on my way. I can do it myself if I really wanted to in less than five minutes. I mean how difficult can it be?
With 6 weeks left, I'm beginning to understand more why they take the time to put in a good quality lunch for me. Something that I think would only take me five minutes to make actually wouldn't even come close to amount to the quality that parents could put in lunch pails and brown paper bags; it took them twenty one years to perfect the exact recipe to fill a bag of love.
Call it childish, but I don't ask them to make it; they just do. With me soon to be graduating from college... I think they're trying to do whatever they can to remind themselves that I'm still their child; that despite me becoming a grown man with a head full of hair and a back carrying the world they can still help and that I could depend on them. In essence, they want to feel that I still need them to live and go through life. That something so simple as providing lunch pails and packing brown paper bags is a necessity in my life...
... I think the sad part of all of this is that I've realized that... it's not; it used to be, but not anymore. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate it because I appreciate all that they've done beyond words and written material; far beyond story book rhymes and college textbooks. Far beyond allowance and providing for the family. Far beyond birthdays, dinners, get-togethers, and parties. Far beyond; I appreciate it so far beyond it all.
... and I think the sadder part of all of this, is that they've realized it too. I'm able, I'm independent, and I'm in my adulthood now. They're no longer at the door holding my lunch pails and brown paper bags as I rush off to school and leave home for seven hours of school anxiously waiting to come back home with food ready on the stove. Now it's a simple note on the table as I wake up at the crack of dawn to start my day: "Anak, don't forget your baon; love Mom & Dad."
... I'll never forget my baon, and I'll never forget what truly lies in my lunch pails and brown paper bags; I'll never make it as good as you have.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
You have got to be kidding me.
I had no idea that I could be directly described to a misfit, uneducated, delinquent with absolutely no respect.
Fuck the police? Last time I checked Asians including Filipinos made up less than 5% of the incarceration rates.
Not the smartest? Are you serious? Is it because we're too busy vandalizing, dancing, and getting our "five finger discounts" wherever we can? How can you be so closed minded?
If there is anything that 1st generation Filipino parents push for is the continued education of their sons and daughters for a promising and stable future.
Don't ever let a quiz define me as a character or allow an individual to judge me with pre-existing notions from an incriminating, stereotypical, falsely accused, irrational, and unrealistic propoganda.
Fuck.
Monday, April 13, 2009
My heart breaks for your loss. All I can do is remain mute while I watch your world crumble. Unfortunately, for myself and yours, my actions have only contributed to your downfall rather than your uprising.
Bon chance mon amis; je suis tres desole.
... then again it's always been the same problem between you and I; bad timing. Bad timing to hurt me, and most definitely bad timing to hurt you. My intentions were never to bring your world down but to turn things around; a task that takes time and rather than paving a path I've sent you off blind down a dangerous forked road.
May I simply be a small segment from your past nuances left behind with all your unnecessary memories and may you find the silver lining in your clouded days.
There is nothing I can do anymore; but watch you disappear down a trail that not even I can tell you where it ends.
I wish you the best.
FYI#40: You’ll have to understand that at some occasions, it’s best if you don’t get involved and remain a ghost in another person’s life.
Friday, April 03, 2009
It's so much easier to forgive and to forget and to not worry about guilt and disappointment... or wait, disappointment? By forgiving, of course you don't have to worry about guilt, but disappointment?
How do you know that you won't be disappointed again? In context, what's the point in forgiveness if you have that gut feeling that you're going to be let down again for the same reasons? Forgiveness in a sense isn't something that you can just give; it has to be earned. It's a renewal of trust and and a promise that you won't be hurt again. As much as somebody can say I'm sorry, do you know exactly what you're sorry for? Are you completely knowledgeable for the things that you've done and incoherently sorry for that or are you just sorry for the fact that you may lose a friendship? If it's the latter, unfortunately, your sorry doesn't mean anything.
You have to understand the pain and suffering that somebody has gone through to truly be sorry for your actions. You can't apologize and run; how can you expect somebody to forgive you if you haven't heard their side of the story? Apologize, stand your ground, take a hit, and listen to the damage that you've caused in another person.
Forgiveness is an art, it's like taking a damanged piece of work, painting over the ugly parts, and making it into something new; because when you're finally entirely forgiven for your actions, you'll find that you've made a stronger relationship than what you've had before.
Like I said before, it's so much easier to forgive and to forget, but sometimes you have to turn the other cheek to get a hard lesson learned to be completely forgiven.
Monday, March 30, 2009
I'm starting a new project on tumblr. Simple and sweet; I'm trying to document every new thing I learn every day. Open for anyone to follow and experience versus my blogspot that's shared only to my dearest friends...
... of course, it could never go in depth as my lovely blog that I plan on continuing to utilize as a cup to catch the spills of my most deep inner thoughts.
FYI: Check the links above.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
You'll be the one who goes to their amazing job to earn an amazing amount of income for a not so amazing family if you do find one willing to be second priority. You'll be the one who will get married when things are stable and when money permits to and you will probably sign a prenuptial agreement to assure that things are fair. You'll be the one who will go out and do incredible things by means of your own without any help whatsoever. You're going to follow your dreams and not let anyone hold you back. You don't want depend on anyone and you don't want anyone depeding on you.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
I'll be the one who schedules my hours of work to maximize the spending time I have with my family and they will be my first priority. I'll be the one to get married when love permits and I will be reckless with money, sometimes. I don't need a document to know how much I love somebody and to recognize my personal achievements because in the end everything turn out fair if you weigh out the finances and love. I'll acheive my dreams without any doubt, however, not alone but with all the friendships and relationships I've created. I will do the same in return for anybody else. I'll let people hold me back if they can't keep up cause I want them there with me in the end. I depend on people and people depend on me because I depend on love to keep me going.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
I will not hold you back from your dreams anymore but please, don't you ever dare string me along or pull me forward when I'm not ready to step ahead and leave everything behind. I walk together, not alone.
You're mind set is stuck here; while mine is just the opposite.
For your information:
I may be wrong in what I've said, but from the way you've brushed my shoulder, this is how I see you now... That's probably why I was so attracted to you, because you do amazing things.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I never sent it, I don't think I could ever treat you the same way as you have done to me. Anyways, for some odd reason, you're always welcome in my life despite the shit you've put me through and continue to.
... and if you read this; get your life together. Fuck.
Everyone has their poison... what's yours?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
absolutely incredible. It's different individually in comparison to
watching it with a companion. Beautiful thoughts come out of beautiful
sights.
"Find the good in people"
It's a new day.
--
Sent from Jared's Awesome T-Mobile Sidekick®
... hence the count down begins.
... I'm kind of sad.
*tear*
--
Sent from Jared's Awesome T-Mobile Sidekick®
Monday, March 23, 2009
Have you ever played five fingers? The rules are simple, you hold up five fingers and everyone in the circle goes around and says something that they've never done; and if you have done it, you must put your finger down. The last person to keep all five fingers up wins the game.
Unfortunately, this metaphor of a tale will only require my own personal truths:
I'm currently holding five fingers up. I'm on top of my game as they stand tall and proud. Then I see you walk into this game and my walls immediately break down as you come into the picture. It's just the two of us left as you utter those unbareable words... I've never.
I have always been completely open to you and to everybody around me. I've spoken my feelings and emotions to you countless times and wondered if you could actually tell me something interesting in return. I don't think I can ever shut you out, slam the doors, or close my books on you; I'll leave everything out in the open. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you shut me out of your life.I've never been completely open to you...
Saying that I've never regretted telling you absolutely everything would be a lie on my part; so another finger goes down as I'm left with three. I feel like I'm building a wall between us rather than breaking them down. Every word I speak adds another brick, harder cement, and more resistance between us. I regret it all, telling you my secrets and dispensing my advice on your life to help you. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you don't regret telling me that it wasn't going to work out and you don't regret hurting me.I've never regretted anything I've said...
I didn't mean what I had just said; I didn't mean that I regret it, in actuality I'm completely thankful for it; I'm left with two. I'm thankful for telling you everything, for boosting your ego, and giving you my all because now you know just how much potential I have and that you may lose if I'm broken; and that in fact I did mean. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you really meant it, you don't think it's going to work out.I've never told you anything that I didn't mean...
I've always thought that it was the right time. Maybe I was wrong but saying that I've never thought that it was the right time wouldn't make me completely honest; all I have is one now. I'm being completely honest now, I still think it's the right time. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you never thought it was the right time us and as stated before, you really meant it.I've never thought that it was the right time for us...
My heart hits the bottom shattered in pieces all over the floor. I believe it's pretty self explanatory. Hesitant to bring my last finger down, I have no choice in this game of truth. So now my eyes are tightly shut closed and my hand is clenched in the form of a fist; sad, mad, angry, depressed, frustrated, and tense....I've never wanted to be with you and I don't want to be with you...
Slowly but surely, my arm relaxes and my fist and eyes are opened to the realization of past times being over.
I utter a fake smile.
Then you look at me with compassionate, pitiful, and sorrowful eyes about the mistakes you've done and how you wish you could undo the past. Your eyes say it all; they never lie to me and in that single instant you've somehow managed to pick up all the pieces and put it together."I'm out of fingers... I guess I lost."
You interlock fingers with me as I think to myself, I lost the game, but I think I won your heart in the end."Here, I only have four fingers left but you can borrow some of mine"
My hand does wonders; please clasp my hand, hold it softly, and never let it go. Everything will be a-ok.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
GMQ QVXGM BMCCH GMQ LVE NQ IQG, TDG IE NCXUL UVE PXCAQY GMQ YKJMG ECD UQPG. GYLY XIE OLY OTOZD QZVG XIEL QOLW VIEHG VI WYKV WX GYOLV. U SMTW JMG YUPP ZW CLCUI CIQ TMPPUREJ POCJ. SDVP HCMVXWK KDEWR.
... UKGW MXH OMZH WSOH
I hope you understand what I'm going through and what I went through.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
I'm kind of tired of hearing you talk about the same thing all the time. Whenever you talk about it, if its not something good its something bad, if its not something sad its something happy, if its not something negative its something positive, if its not something frustrating its something comforting... you've seen all sides of the situation and despite all the things that bother you the fact is that you continue to think about it. Call me crazy but if you've stuck through it and thought about it this long then maybe that tells you that you're willing to commit to it... with all the times I hear you complain or rejoice about "it," it's enough for me to believe that you do in fact like "it;" both good and bad things... you know those are the perfect ingredients to maintain a healthy... nevermind; you'll have to figure it out on your own. That's just me though... I honestly think it's... inevitable.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Problem:
Where is starts:
beau⋅ty
[byoo-tee]Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
Don't ever try to imitate another person's image because of what you may think is "beautiful." Remember, beauty is matching your percieved self with your ideal self which may be completely different from your actual self. It is your self, not theirs.
Don't let another's perception of beauty define yours; don't let them define your life. It's your life, "Own it."
Beautiful.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
SORRY, this is my first non-sensible blog in a long time...
LOVE it! She's turning into a slut but I love it!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
Sometime's it's hard to find the right words to say to someone when they need help; all it takes is some soul searching. Then again, maybe somebody has already experienced what you have and has discovered the perfect play of words to set the stage for something beautiful.
I've learned that not everybody is fully appreciated for their entire self and often times people are taken for granted. I've seen it, I've experienced it, I've learned from it, and I've changed from it. I hope this piece of advice solves the puzzles of your past, present or future.
Basically, you were the potter and I was your clay. You were doing such a great job. We were doing such a great job. But, you had to stash this piece of art in your back room along with the rest of your past. I guess I just wasn't what you wanted or expected. But you know what they say, "one man's junk is another man's treasure." And take note of that word: treasure. Someday, I will find somebody who will value my worth. Somebody that will want me for my love and all I have to give. Somebody that will accept me for who I am. I'll move onto bigger and better things, and you will be the one stuck in that cluttered back room, overwhelmed with your past. With our past. And it'll be too late when you finally realize that you created a masterpiece.
I honestly don't know where this originated from, but I'm borrowing this from my friend's blog where he borrowed it from another's.
It's amazing what one's story can do to others; you see, without physically seeing the writer, you've already made an emotional connection with them. You don't even know who this person is, but if there's one thing you can guarantee and appreciate is that you know they've helped you.
Here's an old entry of mine actually from my myspace that I've never transferred onto my blogger:
The greatest irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right & finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life & sometimes you think you're already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love, love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much & the other was being loved too little as we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. Here's a piece of advice: Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough, & move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more, surely then, you will know true love...
Share stories; share love.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I love Valentine's whether or not I have somebody to celebrate it with. There's only one day in the year that's dedicated to love. I didn't have a Valentine's this year, but spent yesterday giving my friend's ideas on how I would have spent it if I had one and feeling good about myself.
PostSecret had an awesome post this week:
"Be Mine, Nothing More, Nothing Less"
This year, I gave my friends ideas so they would:
Feel like this:
Not regret this:
Tell a story like this:
And realize this:
I do realize that I've gotten all of these from PostSecret; but I must say, that I loved this week's post.
2, <3, & :)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
As life dictates every individual's story, hair is the single witness to attest to your experiences. It has gone through all the times that you've had, or had not, and all the successes and failures that you've had, or had not. In a sense, as you grow more as a human being, your hair grows just as much and signifies every adventure you've taken. By cutting your hair, you're letting go of the past experiences, holding on to the roots of new acquired knowledge, and growing into something new.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
I remember the times when my hair wasn't done. Sometimes it was up, at times it was down, usually it was messy, but it never needed to impress anyone. It was in a place called home; close to the heart yet far from hands. I could wake up in the morning and let it do what it wanted to do, it honestly didn't matter as long as it was comfortable... and there goes another strand; I see it fall. It fell from the back of my head, the back of my mind. Memories of home so sweet and dear; I took it for granted for what it had to offer. Old time friends with old time memories now lay on the floor scattered in pieces. There's more room now for a new house and hopefully new memories.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
My hair was always neat for situations such as these; so cut and so clean. Fresh and unique, made to stand out and grab attention as it seemed. At the top of my head was life's greatest happiness and greatest despair; a universal need called love. My hair went around in all directions: straight, left, curled, under, flipped, licked, and even twisted. It came to the point when there was just too much to handle so I'd put on a hat or beanie to cover the disaster. Hiding a mess doesn't solve the problem; it just makes it un-discoverable to the eye until you've come home, taken it off, and realized there's still nothing you can do to fix it... much hair has been cut yet the roots remain. Hopefully to grow in a new direction, rather than the same.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
I never paid attention to this part, I sort of put if off to the side. It wasn't too much of a hassle until recently. The sides of my hair grow slowly yet surely; regardless of what I want or do not want. I'm growing up, time won't pause for age. Eventually I will be a man and the child in my heart will remain in my dreams. I see familiar strands fall again. Nothing is stopping it's growth and the direction isn't changing; but at at times it's alright, let's cut the age gap, and feel younger once more.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
There are some things in life that you aren't ready to cut out or maybe even strands of hair that have grown the same as before. A love or an item you thought you had lost may have come back unexpectedly without notice; or better yet with. It's the first thing you see when you get up, it doesn't seem to listen to you, it bugs you the whole day, it's the last thing you think about before you sleep, yet ruins the entire picture. There it lies, front and center of your head; there's not much you can do with it, but deal with it in the end. Maybe eventually it will listen, maybe eventually it'll change, maybe eventually you'll like it; but then again maybe you won't. For now I'll keep it there, just for old times sake; I won't cut you out of my life, but you're on the center of my mind and the reason my head aches.
Why must we personify haircuts with change?
Hair once blinded my eyes, deafened my ears, covered my face, and hid my lips. A haircut cleans the past, provides a new slate, and an allows unknown future...
... and so it ends; my eyes can see again, my ears can hear again, my face can feel again, and my lips can kiss again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
