Alright, so its been quite a week. Actually, its been quite an amazing week.

I guess we can start on Monday. Mark and Froi came over from San Diego. They wanted to go swimming but because there was a crazy party Sunday night, the management closed the pool. Well we just chilled until PACN practice. Watched Ratatouille and did some reading. PACN practice was good. My Sayaw Sa Bangko crew is getting so much better. It was the last week before they found out who gets to go on the second and third levels.

Alright so Tuesday came along. I had to get a lot done so that I had all the materials needed for the career fair on Thursday. I had to finish up a rough draft of my first resume so that I could take it to resumaniac on Wednesday. So I did and I let Erin edit it. Totally helped me out A LOT. Another crazy thing happened on Tuesday also. I GOT MY HAIR CUT. Oh no. So I thought that I was just going to clean it up so that I looked cleaner for the interviews, but when the lady finished at Supercuts I didnt like it at all. But I didnt want to tell her that because I didnt want to hurt her feelings, so I just took it and went to another Supercuts. I asked them to basically cut it short. So now I looked like how I did last year. No more hair coloring, not long anymore. HEY its a lot cleaner now so Im not really complaining. I like it. BUT I dont like how hair looks like right after a haircut, you kinda have to get used to it first. But now Im rockin those fitted hats and stuff.

So Wednesday was Resumaniac. I got my resume all edited by some professionals. Totally tore it apart. In the end though, I had a really good resume ready for the next day. I had to drop off some pay check stubs to the new apartment complex that we were moving to. So after that I went to Victoria Gardens since it was close. I just went to buy some new clothes for Thursday. I was getting all spiffy and clean for it. Well I had a quick talk with Mark at PACN practice. But more importantly, my Grandma was in surgery on Wednesday. I was sort of talking to him about that and about some rumors going around. Anyways, I just headed home after and went to bed early. I called up Karla too and decided to hang out with her Thursday night after my plans.

Career day came. It was Thursday. Well, to make a long story short, it didnt go too well. There werent any companies looking for Marketing Interns. There were a lot that were looking for graduates. So it was pretty much a failure. I couldnt find any opportunities for the next quarter. All that work not necessarily for nothing because I got some experience now. It sucks because I just quit my job for Hollister. This coming week will be my last week scheduled there. My mom was cool with it at first but she really wants me to find another job. I talked to Christie about some secrets on Thursday. That was interesting. Its ok, shes more than trustworthy. Thursday night a lot of stuff happened. My plans to chill with Jay were cancelled because he was too tired; its understandable. Dancers are quite busy. So I had back up plans to chill with Karla. Went to Irvine and basically hung out with her and some of her friends. We saw a free concert supporting the bone marrow drive. Apparently we were at the same table with the bands parents. FUNNY. We talked to the parents of a pretty big band. Anyways, I just headed to her apartment afterwards and hung out til I left. I didnt get to talk to her about some of my issues going on, but I still had a good time just chillen. It was technically still early by the time I left. It wasnt even midnight. But I was very tired. I got home and ended up calling Mark to see what I missed at practice or if anything was going on. Well what had actually ended up happening was me talking to Mark about some of the things going on in my life. We pretty much had an hour and a half long conversation. I mean, we do chill a lot, but its not that often that we had deep conversations. I dont really have the liberty to go into detail about everything since this is public; but lets just say that I got a lot of things out of my mind. I got a little emo on the phone; whatever. We talked about my problems and we talked about his problems. It was a good talk. No, it was a great talk. I felt so much better afterwards. Things are looking up. Hes a good ading.

Friday was a day. I didnt have to work so I visited my Mom, brother, and sister at Victoria Gardens. We had lunch and stuff. Walked around for a little bit but I had to head to school for PACN practice. LONGEST PRACTICE EVER. I had Sayaw Practice at 6PM and Maria Clara practice at 12PM. A SIX HOUR GAP. My God. Next week, we decided to move practice to 3PM. Thank goodness. I just found out today that Im working. Ill have to find another person to fill in for me at practice. So after practice, I had to head to Huntington Beach. All stinky and nasty. Jenny was supposed to ride with me but ended up going on her own since she had to stay in Irvine afterwards. Its all good. We hung out at Geralds apartment. VERY NICE place I must say. I met some new people and hung out with some old buddies. I watched them make blue cupcakes because I sure cant bake. I FINALLY got to hang out with Jenny after a long time. Didnt really get to talk though; she had to leave early. After she left, I hung out with Jaypeg, Dee, Jay, Justin, Gerald, Kim, and Kathy. Talk about a room full of dancers! Haha, its ok, theyre a lot of fun. We played spoons. I was already buzzing so I had a HUGE disadvantage. So after the first four or five games, I kept losing and losing. So many games. I kept drinking and drinking. Oh no… well, you know how I get when I drink a lot. I dry heaved ONCE after they all knocked out. Well, Gerald helped me. I dont throw up. I knocked out soon afterwards.

Oh Saturday. I woke up with a HANGOVER. One of those that feel like youre drunk when you wake up but youre not. It hurt so bad. I ended up being LATE for PACN practice. AND I was in such a rush that I left my hat at Geralds. Ill get it back someday for sure… So practice was ok. Everybody could tell that I was hungover. I wasnt even walking straight. So yeah, practice, what more could I say? OH we got tickets and fliers for PACN. So I was able to sell them to family and friends now. Promote like crazy because I want a lot of people to go this year! Afterwards I went back to Victorville. I chilled with the family and went to Karlas later on that night. Kurt got a new dog that bites. Its cute though. I ate Karlas desert. Shes getting a lot better at cooking. Nothing much, I just hung out. Told her about my festivities on Friday night.

So now its Sunday. Got a lot of rest in the morning. Ive just been working on homework. I went back to the apartment early. I applied for an internship at BUCKLE. Hopefully Ill get it. I spoke to Rodney and well have five benches for sure tomorrow. ALRIGHT! I helped Mark a lot on his homework for CIS class. And now Ive just been writing in this blog.

I had a great week. I hope this coming week is just as good… or even better.

Its over. Its finally over. But were not. Thank God. A fresh start. A new day. A brighter future. You are too cool.

Alright, sorry for posting the blog late, I was just really tired from last night that I wanted to knock out. SO a lot has happened this week to a certain extent.

One of the good things to know is that I am still working out and still keeping in shape. So out of all my resolutions I feel that Ive been working on that one the most. Hollister has been bugging me a lot these past couple of weeks. First off I hardly get any hours. For real. From the past three weeks Id have to say that Ive worked like twelve hours. Those twelve hours are only my assigned shifts. I have call ins on many other days but they never need me. Im just about ready to quit. During this week my managers got really mad at me because I wasnt following the Hollister look policy. I mean it was true that I wasnt, but it sort of gave me the kick that I dont even wear Hollister clothes or even try to look like it. Honestly, Im just about sure that Im going to be quitting sometime the next couple of weeks.

Something to look forward to is Calebs birthday in Vegas. I was so stoked to go and I was just about one hundred percent sure that I could go. I even said that I could, but our PACN hell weeks start so I really need to be there. PACN is really kicking me hard.

Studying has been ok. When the quarter first started I got far ahead. I kept on reading ahead and doing assignments early, but now everything is catching up to me. Im no longer ahead, Im on track. But soon I may be falling behind which isnt good. I really need to stay focused on classes because I want to graduate next year. Im even in the API studying while everybody is having a good time. Speaking of PACN practices, things are going very well. My Sayaw crew are doing relatively well and we should be finishing up within the next couple of weeks which means cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning before the PACN.

Mark also came over again sometime this week. Im not too sure when, but he was tired from b.MOD hell week. Not surprised, theyre out until around three AM just practicing every day. Basically they were getting ready for FUSION that I really wanted to go to this year. I couldnt go because we were celebrating my Moms birthday that day. So it was Mikes and my Moms birthday this week. They both have the same birthday but we celebrated Mikes on Friday and my Moms on Sunday. It was cool; Mike had a good amount of drinks to hold a good buzz at TGIF. I chilled at his apartment with Liz, Jac, and Lonnie.

Ive started to promote PACN to all my friends. Im hoping to sell at least thirty tickets. Sounds like a lot, but actually its not even a lot compared to other people. But hey, Im hoping I have a good turnout especially with my scene. Im really excited for my scenes; I helped Vinz develop my Kawawa scene. Haha its going to be crazy; I dunno if I could cry on the spot.

I have an interesting story. So I thought that my earrings had already healed because they dont hurt at all and I could rotate them and everything without a problem. Because of that, I thought that I could buy myself some fake plugs and put them in. When I tried taking out my earrings, they started BLEEDING. OH MAN. I freaked out, cleaned it up, and put them back in. I guess I really do have to wait six weeks for them to heal. That should mean about two or three more weeks before I could change them and take them off.

Later on in the week, I went to go visit E-board at Rodneys house while they built benches. Its looking really good, Im glad that the benches are finally coming together. Now Im really excited! Anyways, we played brawl and unbelievably I BEAT ALL OF THEM. I dont own a gamecube or a Wii yet I still got them. Haha. Well, in the end it was all fun.

There was a PACN actors meeting this weekend before Riversides PACN. The actor meeting was chill; we went through the script and got a really good idea of whats in store for the second half. Its going to be so sad. But its a really well developed script that Im going to enjoy. After everybody went to Riversides PACN but I couldnt go. I went back to Victorville to chill with family. Later on that night after I watched I am Legend with the family, I went to Karlas house because she was cooking. Though I was full, she wanted me to eat what she had made. It was really good; but we just wanted to catch up with each other. Shes enjoying everything right now.

So my Moms birthday was a lot of fun. We just walked around a couple of malls even though it was BLAZING hot. Just shopped around a little until it was dinner. OH, we found a new apartment. Its a little farther, but things are looking good. We should be moving by the end of May. Its in Rancho. Ive been really thinking about it, and Ive wanted a haircut. At the same time Im afraid that its not going to turn out how I want it to be. SO Ive decided to keep growing it until after PACN and decided what to do from there. Hopefully Ill have an idea by then. I need a new job, Im going to be job searching probably after PACN.

So crazy week. This coming week is going to be just as crazy if Im right... we shall see what happens.

Humility or humiliated? Both? I dunno, too many one last times… way too many. I feel dirty about this guilty pleasure. Itll be the same even if I get off this addiction right? Hopefully… too many one last times… let go. Just. Let. Go.

Wow, so this was the first week of school. I can honestly say that a lot has happened over this week. I have a lot to talk about also. Ill try to keep this short because I have class early tomorrow at eight.

So Monday came around and I had that sudden epiphany that I need to get all my work together. Some things that came to mind included needing to graduate on time, changing majors, getting an internship, and getting all the classes done. I looked ahead to see if I could graduate on time and found that I needed to take a certain class this quarter in order to graduate in the Spring. LUCKY ME I got one of the last seats left in class. So I dropped my CIS class and finally began taking all the marketing classes that I need. I officially changed majors now and have turned in the form to the registrars office. So things are moving along well. If I get all the classes I need and pass them, then I should be able to graduate by Spring quarter. Ill have to take sixteen unit quarters in order to do so including Summer. Mark came over on Monday because he had an early class on Tuesday. I let him stay the night and we had a cool time just chilling and hanging out like the good ol Kuya Ading pair we are. I also downloaded a GRIP of songs this week. A lot of them are alternative rock bands like Fall Out Boy, PANIC, and Gym Class Heroes. Anyways, my hair is getting crazy once again, I dont know what to do with it. Im getting a lot of opinions from everybody; so like before, I am on the verge of cutting it! Im not too sure yet though, after all Ive been growing it out for awhile.

Tuesday was the first day of school. Way to go Spring quarter. My first class didnt start until ten so it wasnt too bad. JoJo came over on Tuesday and we had a great time catching up and having deep conversations. Weve both been going through some issues. I took her to In N Out since she hasnt had it since before lent. Went back to the apartment and just chilled until I had class at night. I have a night class at eight; really sucks. So I have a class at eight in the morning and eight at night. We had our first PACN practice on Tuesday of the quarter. Unfortunately I couldnt make it because I was chilling with JoJo and I had class. After I met up with them and hung out for a little but left because I had a lot of studying to do after the first day of school! Believe or not, Im trying to get ahead of the game while I still can. I had A LOT of work this week. But I am getting it all finished so its all good.

Wednesday came around. Second day of school and I had a class at eight in the morning. My classes really arent that bad this quarter though. I actually have two hybrid courses so its looking really good for me. We had our second PACN practice and I saw some new faces at our Sayaw practice. We really need to get the ball rolling because we dont have that much time left before PACN. On a good note, Sayaw practice went really well and people are picking up everything really fast. I really do hope that we get everything finished soon; we shall see!

I went to the Barkada meeting on Thursday. Nothing much, it was just the first meeting of the quarter. Basically, they talked about Sportsfest and PACN; the usual. I spoke with Christie and Mark and they both needed to borrow books from me. I let mark borrow two books and Im letting Christie borrow one book. I was going to just borrow books from friends this quarter, but I figured that my Mom would just use the money to get a tax break. Books were really expensive for me this quarter; all I got were three books. In total, it would have cost me four hundred fifty dollars, but I bought them off campus and got them for one hundred dollars cheaper. We didnt have PACN practice that night; instead there was a Sportsfest hype night. I dropped by after class but had to head back to Victorville later on. I had to help my Mom with some bank stuff the next morning.

Friday came around; it was the first day of Sportsfest. Unfortunately I missed the first day. I got to Pomona late and I had work. I was hoping to get there after but things seemed to be dead by the time I was out. Well, I wasnt about to miss the second day of Sportsfest so I went to bed early. At Sportsfest, I decided to volunteer and play volleyball. I helped at the registration booth along with other things. I was only able to play one game of volleyball [which we lost]. We had a difficult time trying to find girls to play for our team. I watched the halftime show to support b.MOD and Mark. I saw Gayle which was awesome; didnt really get to catch up because I had to leave right after the show. On my way out, I saw Jenny. She seemed really sad like she had a lot of things on her mind. We didnt get to talk and I really didnt want to throw out all the problems Ive been having lately to her. Hopefully we can hang out soon and vent out on some things. Hope things are ok with her. Like I said, I had to leave early. I went back to Victorville and spent the rest of the weekend with family.

ANYWAYS, there have been a lot of things going on in my mind lately. I cant count the number of people who have told me the same advice… just stop. I swear, its like an addiction. Rather, its like a routine. I have to stop. I will find something better and will move on to better things. I just have to build up some pride and build up some self respect; even if it disappoints some people. Case in point; these are my deepest fears; disappointment and guilt. I cant even go into detail how much I fear those. Ive always had the mentality that no matter how much something or somebody hurts me, as long as I dont fail to disappoint its ok. In this situation, its not. I will overcome it; Lord give me strength…

Well, it was good seeing you this weekend. At least youre acting nice to me now; so much nicer. Youve given me something that I deserve. That of which Im saying, I deserved better than before… thank you. I swear these feelings are killing me. Im trying to toss them away because I dont want to get hurt and I dont want to hurt you anymore. Why do I ask this question… what are we? Something? No. Probably nothing. Were going to be fine.

Oh vacation. So the saying of the week is DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY. That was our goal this week of vacation. We just wanted to make sure that we dont waste a single day doing nothing.

So I can start on Monday. Monday I had to drop my dad off at the airport so that he could fly to Boston to meet up with my mom and sister. Im sure Boston was a blast; but I got to have the house all to myself for the next couple of days! Haha. I wasnt planning on having any parties of anything of that sort. Its just a cool thought. Anyways, after I dropped off my Dad, I went straight back to Victorville to meet up with Karla, Jaclyn, and Lonnie. We just chilled at Karlas and watched the Hills and some other random shows. As long as I chill with people everyday Im technically doing something.

Tuesday was a similar day as well. I had work until night; so that kind of took up the majority of my day. When I got back to Victorville, I headed off to Nubis down Bear Valley. Its pretty crazy; its a soft serve yogurt place like Yogurtland. I was even surprised that they had mocha. I chilled with Karla, Dez, Sammy, Deej, Rainy Boy, and another guy named Mario. Anyways, it was a real chill time; we seriously just caught up on each others lives. Afterwards, a couple of us went to my house to watch a movie. Jaclyn and Lonnie met up with Me, Karla, and Dez at my house. We decided on watching a movie called ATONEMENT. I wasnt that interested; in fact, I began falling asleep in the movie. The girls liked it though. We didnt finish it because everybody was getting tired. We turned it off like three quarters into the movie. We were just going to finish it the next day.

Later on before I went to bed, I decided to check my grades. I actually did a lot better than I originally thought. I almost got straight As. But unfortunately because I missed several classes in marketing and tennis, I got lower grades. I got B plusses for both classes. So, not bad for an extremely hard quarter.

The next day was the PACN teaser video shooting. I couldnt make it again. I feel bad cause I think they really needed me for the shooting. Its alright, Ill just try to make it up as we start practices. Later on, Karla and I finished watching Atonement. Like I said before, theres really not too much I could say about it for myself. We decided to just chill later after we get some rest. Dez came over and watched Boondoc Saints with us. I will admit thats a good movie. I havent seen it in years but its well balanced in seriousness and comedy.

Thursday night was out last night to chill with all the Victorville people. So I had dinner with my brother, Jaclyn, Karla, and Lonnie. We ate at Red Robin, found the picture that was supposed to be hanging upside down, got beer, and headed back to my place again. We were just watching Americas Best Dance crew and hanging out. It was a good way to end my week of vacation.

ALRIGHT, so the next couple of days would be our camping trip for Jowees birthday. It was A LOT of fun to me. There were a couple of things that we did get in trouble for; primarily the noise complaints. Well theres not that much we can do; Barkada is a loud group in general. Anyways, I took a nap and found that the other family left. They probably got really annoyed of us. Honestly, I cant say too much about camping either. Joy and I were the main suppliers of tents, tarts, chairs, and light. I had a nice personal conversation with Pat. Yeah, I dont have any complaints about this past weekend. I felt bad though because I had no reception so I couldnt make or receive any calls. I know Mark sent me a text but it was already too late for him to stay over after practice.

Before we left San Diego, we ate out. Leo ordered this challenge of a dozen egg omelet. It was a lot of fun edging Leo on and motivating him; but in the end Leo was getting dizzy from all the egg yolks. So after we ate we all just headed back to Jowees to drop of stuff. I got everything I needed and Jowee paid for half a tank of my gas.

Yeah so theres really not a lot I could say about this weekend but still had a great time. I was looking over the classes I need to take by the end of next year. If the class I need is not offered over summer, then Im stuck having to stay another year. Just on one class. Im really scared because I was really counting on graduating on time. Well all I could do is hope for a miracle. Anyways, yes this is a short blog and Im unbelievably TIRED right now so I cant write down everything I need to say. School is about to start this week so Im excited about that too. PACN practices are going to be starting as soon as it can and Sportsfest is this coming weekend. I wont be able to be in charge of anything of Sportsfest this year because of work and school but I will most definitely be around.

I cant say too much on my personal thoughts; I guess Im really tired. It was nice hearing from you. Its been awhile than from what were used to. Thanks; I know well be ok. Sorry to all my readers; this one is a short blog.

Not the most exciting week; but nonetheless I still made good time. Trying to stay productive.

So Monday was a really nice day; I just chilled at home back in Victorville. I finally got to relax over break. It was actually finals week but I finished all my finals early so I pretty much got an extra week off than everybody else. Not the best of quarters, in fact I could probably say it was my worst quarter ever in college. But you know how it is; they say your third year is probably your hardest year. UGH but we shall see how next year turns up.

Alright so my sprained leg situation. Its gotten a lot better. I was able to walk on it after a couple of days. Theres still a really nasty bruise there; really sick. But its going away slowly. It is still somewhat swollen, or maybe my feet are oblong? That would suck… anyways; it does still hurt, probably because I havent been doing much to let it heal. But at least I can now exercise again. So Im not complaining too much. I cant really bend it too far just yet, but as far as walking and running, its still in top shape. Thank goodness. I could finally start training again.

So Tuesday I went to Pomona. I hung out with Christie and I GOT MY EARS PIERCED. Whaaat? Who would have thought right? Well Ive always wanted to get them re-pierced; its just over break I finally got the urge too. So I did. It didnt hurt too much, but it was all fun when Christie totally videotaped me while getting them done. I really wanted to get some black ones; that would have matched the look that Im going for. BUT unfortunately, we had a limited selection and I had to get diamonds. I mean its not bad; but it doesnt really fit my style. My parents dont know yet, in fact they didnt even notice. ROCK ON haha. Anyways, Im going to have to wait about six weeks until I can switch them out. Im probably going to do it earlier though; is that a good idea? Anyways, so I got them done at Clairs at West Covina Mall, then we went to Target, Islands, and back to school. I went to study session for a little bit then decided to head back up to Victorville. I actually got a lot of work done; I finished my project that was due for accounting. Im pretty satisfied with it; I think it turned out great. I felt bad later on that night because Mark needed a place to sleep over but I wasnt home; I think he got to chill at Frois for the night so it was all good. Im worried about my Ading, I hope hes doing well in school.

Anyways, the next day I had to print out my project. I had to get ink and all these other materials for it. I went to office max and got everything I needed. None of the printers back at the house could actually print my stuff so I had to head all the way back to Pomona just to print my project. I had to turn it in the next day anyways so it wasnt too big of a problem. It felt really good finishing my project up early and having the rest of week to relax and chill. Mark ended up calling me up because he stayed the whole night at study sessions for his finals; so I let him take a nap at my apartment after his final. Im a pretty good Kuya if you ask me, I wonder if Im going to get Kuya of the year again? Probably not, nobody really sees what I do; its all good though.

Alright, so Ive come to the conclusion that I really want to graduate by the end of next year. SO I really need to get back on track. Im going to go crazy next year with classes. Im talking about twenty unit quarters and everything. Barkada is probably a no. I wont be around for that at all. Maybe once in awhile, but Ive got to stay away from that. Im thinking of rushing for DSP, the frat that Christie is in. Its actually not that expensive so it shouldnt be a problem. It is a business Frat so its definitely a plus for me. So, next year is going to be crazy; just gotta prep up for it. I need an internship too. And then theres senior project. Oh yes, Im going to be quite busy. I really do need to graduate though.

So my family except for my brother and I are going to Boston. How fun. Too bad I couldnt go because of work; its alright though. Im going to be spending a lot of time with friends over break so Im excited for that. AND Ill have the house all to myself haha. PARTY. No just kidding. But Im most definitely going to be going out a lot over break. OH so my plans that were supposed to happen on Friday were cancelled; its ok, I was promised wed chill another time. Ivan called me up on Friday to chill, so I did that instead. It was cool catching up, this time he wasnt sick and dying. We just killed some time before the night festivities. I ended up going to Irvine to visit Karla. Partied with a new group of people. They were fun; did some things that I normally wouldnt, but I still had a good time. It was quite the experience. Dont worry, I didnt do anything crazy.

ALRIGHT, so Hollister totally got mad at me about my earrings. Im not surprised. I had to change my availability for next quarter; something tells me Im not going to be getting a lot of hours for awhile. I couldnt take off my earrings because I did just get them in; but Im going to have to take them off as soon as I can. Hollister is really busy now that its Spring Break. Its ridiculous.

So today was really boring. With my Mom and Sister in Boston, my brother in Orange County, and my Dad just getting home from work there wasnt much to do. I was going to go to Corona to hang out with the cousins and the family at a party; but that was cancelled since everybody went to their other familys side. SO I literally just chilled at home all day for Easter. I was hoping for a feast haha. Oh well, Im sure Im going to have better experiences in the future as always. My dad will be going to Boston tomorrow, Im going to have to drop him off at the airport. Spring break has a lot of things planned, camping is just one of them.

So I started a new song. Its called Never Again by Justin Timberlake. Honestly, I get emotional playing it. But thats the amazing thing about music; you should play all the time. When youre happy, sad, mad, or whatever emotion your feeling; you can always express it in music. Then again, you could always do that in any form of art. I choose to do it through music. My skills are getting better since the New Year. Im feeling really proud of myself. Anyways, yes, so that was my week. But there are a couple of things Im going to reflect on…

Anyways, so my process is progressing. I learned a lot this week and experienced a lot. I learned something about my family; in fact I learned that they even discussed it for a short time. I didnt learn that much but it really scares me. I almost took a giant step forward and I was ready to do so. But since plans were cancelled maybe God was telling me not yet. Me and Karla had a deep conversation about everything and our lives. I realize that I do deserve better. I am being the bigger man about it; Ill always be there for her even though she wont try her best to be there for me. She told me she doesnt do the best friend thing with people shes dated; its totally understandable. I guess Im putting that thing behind; I wouldnt want that to bring me down and my relationship with her. I just want to be really good friends to say the very least. Its great to know we are. Maybe she doesnt see me the way I see her, but at least I know that Im important in her life. All I can do is support her and be happy for her; which I am. I never want to hurt her again; and she feels the exact way towards me. I do love her, not like in love love; more like family. Anyways, Ill always be there for her; with the familiar saying [no matter what]. I really do hope that her next one is better than me; just as long as she doesnt regret us. OH Im not talking about Karla by the way haha. Anyways, Im progressing more and more with my process. Oh good luck to me… the way I was living before didnt work, so I should just take a risk and try something new. But its great to know Ill have certain friends to fall back on. Thanks.

By the way readers [if I have any], if youre wondering what Im talking about and were good friends; talk to me. Well grab dinner and Ill tell you my story.

Were acting ridiculous; we need to stop. But never forget what we had, and never forget Ill be there for you [not matter what]. I do love you [so much]. Not like before; but you are most definitely one of the most important people in my life…

Another week, another week. This week wasnt that exciting; except it was the last week of school.

To start off the week, I got a haircut. I wasnt lying when I said last week that I was planning to get a trim. WELL, I told the lady that I was planning to grow my hair out and I even showed her a picture of how I wanted it to be sort of like in the end. She saw and gave the advice to just texturize your hair instead of cutting it. She said that it would take away the poofy look on me and allow me to do stuff with it. So I decided to give it a try and see how it works. I told her that I dont like my back long so she cut it for me. IN THE END, I do like my hair. Its looking pretty good, I just got a lot of growing to go through still. I could do stuff with it like style it and people are noticing that its looking cool. Good plan good plan.

I sprained my ankle on Tuesday. UGH. Ive never had to go to anything for a sprained angle, broken leg, or whatever. I wasnt even going to go to the health center but when people in the API started noticing that it was swelling up I decided to walk there with Ian to get it checked up. No X-rays were needed; the doctor just wrapped it up and told me to do some exercises. I neglected to do them the whole week though. It was cool though because I feel completely healed after a couple of days; I could even walk on it now. BUT the second day it was hurting like CRAZY. I asked my parents to get me crutches but when they finally came in, I didnt need them anymore. GO figure! So yeah, I guess theres a first time for everything. Its still a little swollen and theres a huge bruise on it; it looks really gross. Im sure it will go away soon.

Mark came over a couple of times this week; mostly because of the late night practices. I dont mind; after all he is my ading. Anyways, its always cool chilling with him cause like I said before both of us are getting more and more busy. After all he has b.MOD and, well, Im going through a lot of changes…

This week was the last week of PACN practices until the new quarter starts. So if Im right it was our second and third practice. Its actually looking really good; I think I have to be stricter next quarter. Unfortunately, we dont have that much time left before PACN comes after we come back. I still have acting practice to do as well; and thats not even including sportsfest! OH its going to be a crazy spring quarter once again… But my practices are going to become more strict for sure, we have to keep going and going; stay on track.

OH so its finals week now; lucky for me I finished early. I just wanted to get this quarter finished already. It most definitely was not one of my best quarters; in fact I could honestly say that it was probably one of my worst quarters. My final for IBM ended up being a B but I needed and A in order to get an A in the class. Boo. My accounting cumulative final was just horrible. I dont even want to go into detail; lets just hope for a curve! Didnt get the A I wanted in IBM and ACC is just horrible. Tennis class Im probably going to get a B and my lab class the same thing. I still have one more project to finish by next Friday but its already looking good. We already have all the necessary things we need to finish. Im just waiting for the rest of my group to turn in their parts of the project.

So to just say some things off topic, Im thinking of piercing my ears over break. Seriously. Ive always thought about it but never actually got the urge to just go out and do it. I have the urge now; like I said, changes. I think itll look cool. Who knows, I dont want anything crazy but if I dont like it I could just close it back up right? Not plugs; ouch thats permanent and looks like it hurts. Both ears though. AND I dont want diamonds; Im aiming for more of that punker look. Im so not a punker though haha. Another thing off topic are my resolutions. I think my sprained ankle totally screwed me over this week. I only worked out twice this week and I havent been able to practice piano too much. UGH. I hope its not going to slow me down. I found out when I went to the health center that I lost fifteen pounds since the new year. Im really proud of myself… gotta keep shedding those pounds though. OH I want to start my new sheet music soon; Im just about finished with BECAUSE OF YOU. So the new one I want to start is Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake. It sounds awesome on the piano. Anyways, Im probably not going to start it for another couple of weeks… well see how that goes.

So Ive always liked the idea of coming back different. What do I mean by that? Well for vacations and MIA times, I like coming back different then how I left. So when people see me again theyll be all like WOW you look different. Or WOW youve changed. But always for better. Thats why I want to get pierced ears and go through some training over break. So that when I come back Ill look somewhat different then how I looked when I left. Hopefully that goes well.

I chilled at Calebs last night. A LOT of fun. I finally got to play Brawl. Crazy game. Im actually challenged by it since Im not that good at it. I really want to play again when I have time. Lots of new characters and the controls are crazy. Haha, alright, thats enough with sounding like a gamer when I really dont play games that often.

So I missed a couple of things here in Victorville. Apparently it snowed here yesterday. UGH I missed it; it always snows like once a year here. Ah well, the rest of the family didnt get to see it either except for my Dad. Anyways for the weeks to come I have a lot of things that Im excited for… Jowees big birthday. Camping up in San Diego! Sounds like a lot of fun; Ill have to let you guys know how it goes later. Jaimies birthday is coming up too, she has plenty of plans over break. And another big thing for me is possibly this Friday… whats happening? Youll find out… maybe. Im nervous, scared, anxious, excited, and every other weird possible emotion. Its going to be awkward at first; but everybody has to go through it sometime. Maybe Ill find something unexpected. First big step of my process. Haha…

Im sorry, I just might end up disappointing you even though you said youd be happy for me… Im scared about that probably the most…

End of my dead weeks. This week was so unbelievably fun and so unbelievably busy.

To start off the week, I finished the Sayaw choreo with Christine. Its really nice, Im really excited for PACN. Ive already got a lot of interest in Sayaw so its looking really good. The music, the choreo, and everything is all ready.

Oh man, what a Monday night. It was Amverlees birthday; in fact, it was her 21st birthday. We all surprised her at BJs after telling her that we couldnt make it. She was all talking crap behind our backs when she thought we werent going haha. She started getting all kawawa when she found out we were able to make it. It really made her happy. Her sister paid for EVERYTHING. It really was a good birthday. The party later moved to a hotel. Little did we know Abby got Amverlee a MALE STRIPPER. Haha. How funny. I would have loved to see the reaction on her face but all the guys were kicked out. I didnt really mind, but I wish I could have seen her reaction. From what I hear, it kind of died after the first twenty minutes because they already had their fun; you know, they arent seriously getting into the whole entire stripping ordeal. Pretty much it was for laughs rather than for pleasure lol. Well since the guys got kicked out for an hour, we ended up just going to a seven eleven and buying beers. Security guard caught us in the car; it was quite funny. We seriously told him the truth about everything that we were waiting for the girls because the stripper kicked us out. The security just gave us a weird look and said ok. Haha. Anyways, all in all, it was a GREAT night. I had a lot of fun because I got to chill with people who I havent seen in a long time like Mike and Liz.

So then Tuesday soon came. A really bad day for me. I had one of those mental break downs that come out of nowhere because of things that happened in the past. Well, it wasnt necessarily about things that happened in the past, but more like I saw some other person getting the attention that I used to get. Its more of a feeling of thinking I miss that. Anyways, it didnt last very long. Thank goodness. Later on in the night it was PACN practice. Our first one this year. I learned about my character; Im really interested in my role actually. I have a role in PACN that deals with a somewhat small issue in Filipino Culture. Thus, Im not a major role, but my role does deal with issues. Basically Im a masculine closeted gay in the PACN. Haha. Its going to be interesting. I like the script so far, I havent read the second half yet but I know whats supposed to happen. Basically I get beat up and I befriend other homosexuals in the play. I think I come out. Im not too sure, but in the end Im going to have a fun time with the PACN.

Wednesday was the first day for practices for Sayaw. I started teaching the first two or three eight counts. So far its looking good, I have the benches in the back of my car. There werent that many people this week of course because it was the first week of PACN. Im sure that there are going to be much more people next quarter. Ive decided that I also want to do the members modern piece in PACN. Mark, Kim, and David are all coordinating it. Should be fun. I had to cut practice short in Sayaw because there was another volleyball game. We all thought that volleyball was over but apparently there was one more. In the end we lost, but I will say that the last game was well played. After the game we went to mix bowl and ate. There are a lot of people doing the whole entire pool bet where theyre trying to lose weight. I gave them that idea haha. Apparently their pool is bigger than mine was in high school. Anyways, I think only a couple of them are seriously involved in the pool. I wonder whos going to win…

Thursday I decided to go the Barkada meeting. Afterwards a couple of us decided to eat Subway. Nothing much happened Thursday but later on in the night I had a kick back at my apartment. Just a couple of beers. They ate a lot of my hot pockets but it was all good. I dont usually eat those unless Im in a rush so I didnt have a problem. Im still keeping up with staying in shape so Im not slacking off in that.

Friday came. I got a lot of hair products because Im getting really tired of my hair. Im so ready to have it all cut off. But Im going to keep growing out because Ive already come so far. Honestly though, Im probably going to cut it short in Easter if I dont like it. Friday night was E-board auction. CRAZY stuff. Nikki and I were the emcees for the night. We did a really good job. The person who got sold the most was Johanna for six hundred. Nice stuff. Dollar dares were cool. After e-board auction I decided to go to Julians for his twenty first birthday. It was a nice chill party and I saw faces that I havent seen in a long time as well. I saw Betty-Jo and Iris. It was cool chilling with them. Ana came later on in the night as well. Food was really good and Julian got messed up. Party ended early like around one thirty ish. Julian was out before that. Anyways, I had a really good chill time that night.

I havent gotten the chance to hang out with JoJo this week because she had her hell week for 909. Its all good, hopefully well be able to chill this week. I had class on Saturday for a practice midterm. But when I came, there were only five people there. Leah and I left early. I thought we were going to start a practice midterm but we were just going over the take home midterm. So we decided to leave early. I had to hurry back to the apartment because I might have had to work that day. They didnt need me so I decided to use my time and figure out how to do my hair. I still dont get it. Im probably going to get a haircut tomorrow. Just a fix up because its looking really poofy. I went back to Victorville that night and had dinner with the family.

Let me tell you something about Saturday night. It was Graces birthday. I havent gotten to hang out with her in a long time. I had to use my brothers ID so I could get into the club we were going to in Victorville. I made it in but the guy looked at me all crazy. I pre partied and partied some more at the club. I was hanging out with Grace when I could but she was everywhere. The majority of the time I hung out with Jay, Justing, Jaypeg, and Dee. Theyre a lot of fun. I had a good time and I got some really good advice from them. Who would have thought huh? Im an open book when I drink. I saw Sammy, Deej, Grace, Dez, Linette, Jorell, Amy, and many other people from Victorville who I havent seen in awhile. I saw Jac, Lynne, Melissa, and met so many new people. Plenty of pictures are up. I left the club with the people in Jays car. We just chilled at Graces until everybody else got there. We totally lost track of time and we all didnt knock out until around five ish. The spring forward time thing totally messed all of us up. I played rock band also. Lets just say that after using my brother ID and partying like I was twenty one, I cant wait until I am.

Sunday morning [today] came around. Everybody didnt get up until around one ish. I helped clean up the house because it was a mess. Anyways, we went to go eat at IHOP for brunch. We had some really bad service. We got seated late, orders came in late, they forgot it was Graces birthday, the orders were wrong. Just so many things messed up. Ah well, it was fun just hanging out with them. We had to get separate tables though, so it was kind of hard to talk to everybody. So we all left after we ate. I hope that I could chill with all of them again. Grace and everybody are just so much fun. They sure know how to have a good time when they do have it. I wasnt supposed to log into myspace, but I had to today because I had to send a message to Jay and them thanking for all the help since I dont have their numebrs. I also had to let Grace know that my pictures were up. Yeah. SO Graces birthday was a blast. I feel bad because I was supposed to chill with Caleb today and play smash brother brawl. I didnt have time though and I was really tired. I had a family dinner and he had to go to Riverside anyways so its all good. Hopefully later on this week Ill have time to play it.

YES. So I LOVED this week.

Hey. Well get through this. Ill get through this. Am I able to do it? Im scared for the repercussions. Youll be there for me right? I know you will. I was sad earlier this week, but Im feeling better. Am I doing the right thing? I think so. Im having such an easier time telling people now. And Im very happy and glad telling certain people. I hope youll be happy for me...

It seemed like another dead week. I didnt really do that much.

Earlier this week I helped Leah finish the lab homework for accounting. Also later on that night I decided to drop by the Sportsfest meeting for a little bit. I planned on studying with Jaimie but it was already getting too late for me; its all good though. Ill just find another time to study with Jaimie.

I was feeling really burnt out this week so I decided to just chill at the apartment for almost the whole day. After class on Tuesday I just headed back to the apartment, worked out, and just chilled there. I cleaned up the whole apartment though. One thing that I am glad about is that it is pretty noticeable to other people that Im losing weight. Its really cool actually. People who I havent seen come up to me and are all like DENG Jared have you been working out? I dont even notice the difference haha. I guess its pretty apparent to other people though; that makes me feel very accomplished.

I got a gift from Dom this week; a twenty five dollar visa gift card. Not bad not bad at all. I feel bad cause I didnt get him anything for Christmas. Next time, Ill get him lunch or something.

My hair is getting SO LONG. Its unbelievable. Well its not extremely long, but its so much longer than what Im used to. Im so tempted to cut it right now, but I think that I should stick it out for a little bit longer. Maybe a couple of weeks before PACN, if I dont like it, Ill cut it.

Yes so as you should know, Ive decided to coordinate Sayaw Sa Bangko with Christine. Its looking really good so far, there are a lot of people who are interested in it. Im actually really excited for it, especially since practices start this week. I worked on a complete choreo, I just need to edit it with Christine and we should be all good with everything.

One thing that I just realized is that I talk really loud on the phone. Actually Ive known it for awhile, but it didnt really hit me until now. Just a random thought.

I went to the general meeting on Thursday. It was fun. I was asked to MC for e-board auction on Friday. Im doing it with Nikki. Its going to be really cool, another thing that Im excited for. Anyways, after the meeting I went to eat out with Christie. That was cool since we havent hung out in a couple of weeks as well. Just caught up on things, vented out about some things, and just had a general good time. Later on that night I decided to go clubbing with Jaimie and a few other people. It was a really chill clubbing night. Nothing much happened.

Friday I hung out with Mark. Got lunch and chilled at the apartment. We dont hang out as often as we used to, so when we do hang out it really does make me feel better. I had to talk to him about some issues that I was going on with me; he gave good advice.

This was a dead weekend, I didnt do much but hang out at the house. Pretty much a dead week in general, but its those small things that make me happy.

At least Im trying hard now... it should be apparent. Its great that you and I are still happy.

I had a dead week this week. Nothing much happened. Wednesday we had our last volleyball game and we lost to a hard team; its all good though, I hope we get better in time for Sportsfest! Everybody came over my apartment that night after the game just because it was free and we needed something to do. All we did was play video games, eat, and draw on my white board. Its actually beginning to fill up.

I had my IBM Midterm this week as well, I did pretty well. Almost an A, I got a B. I think I have an A in the class because I got an A in my first midterm and everything else seems to be going well.

Also in this week, Mark came over because he was too tired from his midterm in the morning; just got some rest and chilled until I had work. It was fun because we havent chilled in awhile. Later on in the same night, there was a kick back at the guys new apartment. It was fun, I saw Ana after who knows how many weeks. I kind of ruined their plans on walking around Fullerton but we still had a good time just chillen there. I got kind of buzzed, I had to stay over. We played my board game called Ive Never. Revealed a lot of secrets and learned a lot from everybody; hilarious. I started speaking in Spanish at the people in Albertos. Perry got mad at me but it was all fun.

Mark had a flat tire earlier this week; hence I learned how to change one. I let him borrow some tools and we got it all done. Ive never learned how to change a tire but it was pretty cool learning how to. I kind of just caught him while he was trying to fix it when I called him. Anyways, we got that finished with then I headed out back to the apartment.

Just yesterday after I chilled at home for a little bit, Caleb and Chris came over again. We ended up playing the Wii in our huge projector. We played Halo and Super smash brothers. It was actually a lot of fun; Ive never really done any extreme gaming like that with a huge screen. Of course I won at Smash brothers; haha what can I say? Im gifted there.

Yeah it was pretty much a boring week… maybe something more interesting will happen this week…

The most important part of a relationship? Love. Give it, take it, show it, and embrace it; I deserve better…

Alright so its been a long week; sorry that this blog is late also. I just relaxed this whole weekend and forgot that we didnt have school on Monday.

So we had our Accounting Midterm on Monday; Im hoping that I did good. I didnt really have any questions on it except for one problem, but my cheat sheet had everything I needed on it. Well find out later on this week how well we did.

So regarding my thoughts last week about the whole entire PACN cast shindig, my view did change this week about a lot of things. I wrote a letter to them this week with my concerns; I quickly got a reply so it was all good. Well, I was angry last week so there were words that came out when I was all emotional; many of which werent true. This years board is actually doing a really good job with embracing the concerns and complaints made not only by me but other members as well. My role that I supposedly thought that was a made up role was actually a big role. Not a major role, but a major supporting role. Good enough for me, it makes me happy. I hear that the roles that the e-board took up some of them dropped their roles. Im very glad that e-board is embracing these concerns and very happy that they are dealing with them in a constructive matter. Looks like the end of the year is going to be good; and I am very sure that they are all here for the members.

Also on Wednesday we had a volleyball game; but before I went to that I hung out with Tracee and Christie and ate at Millies. I thought that it was too early for the open mic night but apparently I could have gone; sounds like a missed a really good show. Then later we had a volleyball game. There were twelve of us playing. We basically had to play one full game with one half and another full game with the other half. It was a close game; we lost the first, won the second, and barely lost the third game. We scrimmaged later just for fun.

Apparently it was registration this week; I totally did not know. I later found out about registration and ended up registering for my classes two days late. Its all good though because I got all the classes that I wanted and my schedule is looking really good. I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday which leaves plenty of time for work on all the other days along with studying. In addition to that, its looking really good for PACN especially with the practices lasting late at night.

So I thought I would help out with PACN because I heard that they needed help with finding a rural dance. At that point I thought I would ask Karla if she could ask her group if they could help teach or perform their rural dances at PACN. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem like its going to work out because of financial issues. Anyways, it was a good idea because I know that they genuinely know the real stuff.

So Valentines day… what a depressing day for me. I went through too much stuff that day. Well, I decided to go to my first Barkada meeting since I didnt have work until three. It was nice seeing everybody again and it was cool going to my first Barkada meeting of the quarter. Anyways we went out to eat afterwards but I had to talk to Mark about some things while we were there. Nothing much, just talked to him about my past relationship with she who will not be named. Code name? Lets go with Jessica. Anyways, I just dont understand why Jessica hasnt really been talking to me when in the beginning all she wanted to be was friends. Now she hardly picks up my calls, returns my calls, or talks to me in general. In fact I get the vibe that shes trying to avoid me… well I guess its something that all relationships go through, but she has to understand that I am over her; I just dont want to be a part of her past. I still want to be friends and I still want to be close; maybe not relationship wise. Yeah, I probably am trying too hard, but if I dont try at all, nothing is honestly going to happen and I doubt if were going to be friends. I dont want that. I do believe that its possible for people to become good friends after they break; Ive seen it and I believe it… anyways, Ill get back to this because I had another talk with a friend about it later on in the week.

Later on in the week I went to visit Karla in Irvine. We just caught up on life and thats when I asked her about everything with PACN and stuff. We at are Red Robins and then we went to a party at her friend Nicolles apartment. It was fun; it was real chill. Apparently they got a new projector and they just wanted to watch a movie with it.

Also later on in the week I hung out with Caleb; he totally challenged me at smash brothers. Im telling you Im unstoppable at that game. Anyways it was all fun, later we both decided to get into gunbound again later in the week.

Also I hung out with Christal this week at In n out. We just caught up on things because it might have been over a year since the last time we hung out. We seriously talked a lot about relationships. I talked about mine and she talked about hers. Shes in a new one now. Anyways, I explained that I still call and if I dont she wont call. And its true. Because I could see it from Jessicas point of view with Christal and I could explain my point of view. Basically Im supposed to be a part of Jessicas past; but I dont want that. And I know that Jessica doesnt regret anything and she does genuinely love and care about me; she just got tired of me. Sounds horrible; but it happens. Anyways, I do believe that we could become friends again, real close ones at that. Trust me when I say that Im over it; I deserve better. I dont deserve to be treated the way Jessica treats me; however, I do care about her and love her as a person and would love to have her around to hang out with, to call, to basically be really good friends. I really do hope we get close again.

Anyways, on a brighter note, I wanted to help coordinate Sayaw sa Bangko in PACN. Im supposed to coordinate with Chrstine and Im sure well do a good job. Sounds like a lot of fun but sounds like a lot of planning at the same time. Im sure well do fine, I plan to have Sayaw amazing this year.

I also hung out with Greta this week. I met her Baby, got a picture, and caught up on things. Well hang out again sometime soon.

I was supposed to hang out with Grace this week, but we were both a bit busy. Hopefully next weekend. I was also supposed to go to San Diego this week with Karla and her family. But it didnt work out.

Ive gotten into that game I got for Christmas two years ago called guild wars; its a lot of fun but takes up a lot of time. Nothing much to say about that. Anyways, it was a long week, hopefully this week will be just as exciting and hopefully Ill get a lot of things done. Gotta stick to my resolutions with staying in shape and dieting.

Hey, lets be friends again ok? At the very least. Lets be friends. What do you have to lose? Youll only gain something from it. You said you wouldnt leave me; please stay to your promise, you do mean a lot to me.

UGHHHH what a frustrating week!! There were a lot of ups and downs this week but overall I learned a lot…

So starting in the beginning of the week I hung out with Jaimie and Leah and we just talked about San Francisco. Its all good, it seems that we were all able to talk about all of our concerns about the trip. Overall though we had a good time just chillen. Later I got Mark some food for his practice since I havent hung out with him in awhile; really busy with b.MOD and hell week.

I had a talk with that old friend that I thought was ignoring me. Once again were cool, but its not like were constantly talking to each other ya know? I guess its all in the process of getting over one another. Its alright, I mean I do miss her, but eventually well be at the point again where were just really great friends. In the end though, Im just really glad that were cool and talking to each other again; I dont have that feeling in the back of my mind that shes mad at me.

Im beginning to watch house since our cable has been out for several months and we have the season one dvd. I like it A LOT. Its really interesting and just something that Id throw out. Our cable came back later on this week though so we have tv to watch at the apartment finally. I still am not watching a lot though, its just that I dont have that much time to do it.

I finished learning to play the say Way Back Into Love from the movie Music and Lyrics this week. Now Im beginning to learn how to play Because of You by Keith Martin. Its a lot harder that the other song; but I plan to continue to practice piano and learn more songs. For lent, I gave up myspace and AIM, I plan to add more things later but I havent really decided what yet. I mean its pretty much everything that I plan to do for my New Years resolution; maybe for lent I should just make sure that I stay on track with my resolutions.

We had volleyball on Wednesday and we won by default since the other team didnt have enough people playing. I wasnt there either though. I decided to go to Joes Sushi to celebrate Gregs Birthday. It was the best sushi Ive ever had and it was all you can eat. I swear I had so much sushi that night, I think I had like thirty plus rolls. Weve gotta eat there again sometime.

I got paid on Friday and I got a grip of clothes this week. Mostly from Urban. I definitely like the majority of their clothes. Their style is freakin awesome. SO if any of you ever plan to get me a gift certificate, get me one from Urban. Currently, this is where Im getting the majority of my clothes. Talk about brand loyalty.

I finally hung out with Ivan this week. Havent seen that guy in years. It was cool, I had a good time. We just got lunch and ended up playing guitar hero at his house; I had work later so I couldnt really stay long. Definitely gotta chill again sometime.

I hung out with Caleb last night. We just got Red Robbins with my brother and another friend named Chris. Later we went to our house and watched random movies on TV and reminisced about high school; yeah those were the days. I miss high school a lot as well, but college is a whole different story that Im definitely enjoying.

Today I went to Pasadena with the fam bam. Just got some shopping done, no big deal. I got some jeans among a few other things. Just walking around Old Pasadena brought up some old memories though… I kind of just got some pictures of what happened there before; some things that made me happy. I miss those days as well.

SO something really pissed me off this week. And I mean really pissed off. So we were supposed to find out about our roles in PACN this week; very disappointing results. Well I didnt find out about my role until we went to Erins birthday karaoke. I find that I dont even have a role; funny since I called like four or five times to get my role. So Im mad that I dont have a role even though I tried out for a main role. I learn later that there were others who didnt get a role either. So Im just thinking in my mind, sorry for the language within the next paragraph, what the fuck?! I learn LATER that people who did not even want to try out for main roles got the main roles; I got more pissed off and once again what the fuck?! The final straw was when I heard that more than half of the e-board has roles and a lot of those roles are somewhat big in the PACN… WHAT THE FUCK?! Ok Ok Ok, so here are the supposed reasons for this. The first reason is that my personality didnt fit any of the roles… OK, thats the point of acting; youre supposed to act outside of your personality and thats why there are acting directors to help you do so; so dont give me that shit that my personality doesnt fit any of the roles. NEXT the reason for some of the e-board being the big roles is because the roles were already ready for them; some of the names of the roles being pretty obvious that they were for those persons. SO if you already had a cast picked out for PACN why did you even have try outs for any of the roles? You picked your cast out because they mesh good together? BULL. PACN is supposed to bring everybody together; not people who already mesh well with each other. Its supposed to bring the whole club together. And why do the judges have big roles in the PACN? They are judges and just because they are judges does not mean that they can place themselves within certain roles; basically they are putting themselves in front of members. ONCE AGAIN you have to understand that members come first before anything. SO why do e-board members have roles but regular members dont? In addition to that, why do regular members still dont have roles while e-board has the majority of the big roles? Very upsetting. Heres a story, I felt that our tinikiling was bias last year so I gave up my position in tinikiling because I felt that members should be experiencing that role who really wanted it. You cant take away those benefits from the members; especially since youre on board. This years cast for PACN is very bias to me as well as picked out of favoritism. Remember, this is the members PACN; even though e-board was in charge of the script, the actual PACN is the members. SO once again my main concerns are why is it that the people who didnt want the main roles in the first place got the main roles; those people who did not have the passion and excitement to get it in the beginning in comparison to those who really tried and put effort into trying to get those roles? Another concern is why is it that there are members who did not get any roles, regardless of what type of role that they tried out for, and e-board members and judges got the majority of big roles? Why are the e-board members being put in front of regular members? Do you have to be in e-board to get a big role? WHY were there try outs when there was basically already set positions for actors? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HOPE that roles are not being made up just to compensate for complaints from NOT JUST ME but from members who did not get roles. Because if they are then those roles have no point in the PACN, those roles can be taken out and the PACN would be exactly the same. I have already brought up these concerns with e-board; and have offered to speak of my complaints at their next e-board meeting. I am more than willingly to bring up my concerns. I am very upset and disappointed with these past decisions; if e-board truly believes members come first, then theyll know what to do with their roles…

A note to this blog, these are just my personal observations as well as others who share the same view, there may be some people who dont agree with this; however, I find that those people are the ones who got the largest benefits from PACN without even trying.

I apologize if this blog causes harm to anybody; but my blogs are basically used to jot down my personal thoughts and thus may or may not be the actual story; it may be exaggerated or it may be exactly what happened. You can agree or disagree with this; check back a week later and maybe my views will have changed by then.

On a lighter note, Im glad were talking again…

A lot of things happened this week as well as a lot of mixed emotions. Sometimes its just easier to go down the list of things that I did this week…

Monday Mark stayed over cause he was too tired and helped me finish my project for IBM 301. I had a midterm this week for that class and ended up getting a ninety percent on it; not too bad at all. Im hoping that I get a good grade on my project; we shall see, we shall see.

On a bright note, I am getting really good results from working out; Im hearing from a lot of people that Im looking skinnier. Im not sure if I should take it as a good thing or bad thing because Im trying to look like Im getting back in shape. Im guessing its a good thing though because I am losing weight. I feel like I should go on one of those weight loss commercials with the before and after pictures haha; just kidding though, I havent gotten THAT big of results yet. But Im going to continue working on it for sure.

Wednesday we had a volleyball game. We were so close to winning! We had won our first game and lost the second game. The third game we lost again but the whole time it was neck and neck. Close game in general since the points were always switching sides. Im glad I joined volleyball again this quarter...

… Something else happened Wednesday night; but Ill get to that later, since thats probably the main thing Id like to talk about in this blog.

Thursday night we went to BJs for Pats birthday, I had a good time there. I got to chill with a lot of the older people who I havent seen in a long time. I halved a plate with Joy and for desert I halved a pazzuki with Joy and Jowee. Later that night we went to the last night at the Citrus apartment and some people got crazy drunk. I didnt stay long because I had work the next day. I heard some stories though; some crazy drama with Jowee, Joy, and Rhea. Something about a fight. Anyways, I dont know too much about it; Ill have to learn more when I actually talk to them. I didnt drink that night; I wasnt really I the mood and I was REALLY tired from midterms.

This weekend I spent it in SAN FRANCISCO. I probably would have loved it and enjoyed it much more if it werent raining and spent a few days more there. I was so tired from the drive that I couldnt really hype myself up during the Saturday we were there. I didnt get to see the main sites there and we didnt go shopping in the huge shopping centers, but we did walk around HAIGHT Street where there were a whole lot of vintage shops; it was pretty cool. I learned a lot about some Filipino History at a couple of sites, including some murals, street names, and buildings. There was a hotel party for Pat, but I heard that they got in trouble because of the noise complaints. Im glad that everybody had fun though. I didnt drink or party, I slept because I had to drive home. Still though, one thing I learned from this trip is that I probably would only live in Southern California. The weathers nice here, the atmosphere is nice here; everything in general is just so much more pleasant here to me. I would LOVE to go to San Francisco again, but with different intentions. We shall see what happens in the future. BUT after spending a fun weekend in Frisco, Ive gotten behind in all my homework.

SO super bowl weekend? I have no idea who played in it; Im honestly not into football. I was supposed to chill with Caleb this weekend at his apartment for super bowl; but obviously I didnt make it back in time to go over. Ill probably give him a call later on this week to chill when I have time. WHICH reminds me that I need to call JoJo up to hang out too. JoJo went to Vegas to celebrate Irishs birthday, I hope they had just as much fun as I did; if not more. I was also supposed to hang out with Amverlee this week, but she wasnt available. Ill try to hang out with her this week also.

Anyways Im thinking of being MIA for awhile… actually just for this month of February. Like Im not planning to log into myspace, go on AIM, or anything of that sort. Im hoping not to be tempted to hang out with everybody and all of this other stuff. TOTALLY MIA for a month. Why? I have my reasons… I dont really have the liberty to speak right now. Well see how that goes though; who knows, I may change my mind.

Alright so Wednesday night. I had a talk with an old friend; shes really cool you know? I had a huge crush on her for awhile before and we even dated… then I found her chillin with somebody new. Not that they were together or anything, I dont even think that she likes him. But when I saw them I kind of over reacted inside thinking that she found somebody… stupid me. I mean I told her everything that night and she got really upset with me. I said a lot of stupid things that I shouldnt have said. At the same time, I really couldnt control my emotions so things were being said left and right. Sorry for the lack of a better term, but jealousys a bitch. You may think that youre over somebody but find out that you actually arent. Im so not over it right now. In the process of getting through it… Its just so hard to give up at times when you think somebody is the right person for you. I had a mental breakdown that night; its one of those time when all those emotions that you hide inside come bursting out. I cant really stand it. Im so sorry for saying a whole mess of things that I shouldnt have; I really do care about her though. I hope so much that she cares about me too. Unfortunately, I havent heard from her since that night. Ive been trying to contact her; but Ive given up. She doesnt pick up my phone calls, doesnt reply to my messages; doesnt seem she wants to hear or see me. Im not really surprised; shes really tired of me. Ive already lost her as a lover; I just really hope that I dont lose her as a close friend. Honestly, all I can do is wait; Ive given up trying to get in touch with her. I just have to wait until shes ready to hear and see me again. I hope soon… I miss her.

God, Im dying on the inside… Lord help me.

So this was quite a week. I did a lot of hanging out with friends and a lot of cheating on my resolutions. UGGGH. Well, first I wasnt supposed to eat after seven thirty but these past couple of nights I ate late. I even spent more than twenty dollars on food this week. Really not good.

Well, to start off the week; I believe it was on Tuesday when I went to Hooters to hang out with Joy, Jowee, and Leo. It was cool since I saw Leos, Ermies, Anas, and Russels new apartment. Its really nice; I really like the paint job and everything. Hooters was really cool, this crazy magician guy entertained us while we were waiting for our food. And I ate a GRIP of chicken wings, we ordered fifty but Im POSITIVE that I ate the majority of the wings. Im not complaining though. I have been keeping up with my workouts and I am actually seeing a difference, but I havent stepped on the scale in a long time so Im not sure if Im going to see the difference on the scale…

Another thing with my resolutions was the so called dont step in the API for one quarter resolution. That failed miserably. Its cool though, because I think that I should just change that resolution to make sure that I get studying done in the API. Its cool because I got to see everybody again and catch up with them. BUT the main reason why I went into the API was to try out for one of the major roles in PACN. I believe that my audition went well; other than the singing of course. Im really hoping to get it though; I dont know, I just really want it. BUT if I dont get it, its alright, I mean just being in PACN is a great experience in general. However, I would be much more hyped up if I got one of the major roles of course.

Earlier this week I hung out with Kim too; we went to sushi and teriyaki where I spent even MORE money on food. Terrible, just terrible. Fun times though, fun times. We just caught up with each other and what we did over vacation and junk. I felt fat being the only one eating, but its alright, I was huuungry.

On the bad side, I had to drop my CIS class this quarter; it was just too much with the other classes that I was taking. Its like all my projects were assigned and due on all the same days. The CIS class took up the majority of my time and I wasnt able to get it. I plan on retaking the class next quarter for sure though. I could study up on the on line material that the professor posts up.

Later on in the week I drank at the Citrus apartment. Really chill though. It was just something to do since I had no class on Friday and had nothing to do on that Thursday night. I had fun in general; mostly drank with Ermie, Leo, and Pat. I had to stay the night because I didnt want to risk driving in all that rain.

I also hung out with Karla, Alyssa, and Caleb. We all totally caught up on things and it was really cool. Caleb has a really good thing going with his Job and apartment and everything. His girlfriend is cool and has a tight dog and cat. We all got crazy allergies though. I played Mario Kart 64 against Ariyan, I think thats how you spell her name… well I lost terribly. I played Boxing against her too… lost terribly again. And Im not even going to go into Bowling and tennis. UGH. Well we drank and hung out for a while then we went to meet up with some other people in Irvine. It was cool hopping around all over the place. But I still had to head back home to my apartment later on that night since I had a test the next morning…

I had to take the GWT, the graduate writing test. I met up with Jenny because she had to take it also, it was unbelievable easy. No sweat at all. As for work, they got me working almost every day this next up coming week; so I guess that means no Nor Cal for me. Vibe was today, I couldnt go because of work too. I mean its cool because now Im getting hours and recognition as an oldie. So Im enjoying work more. Im really hoping that everybody was cool at Vibe. I really wanted to watch everybody from 909 dance along with TM and Jenny on CG…

My hair is getting longer. Im liking it. I could pull off this messy look and I cant wait until it gets longer. BUT it takes a lot more time to actually do it now, so if I need to fix it really quick its not going to work out.

Among other things happened this week… I ate some potato chips; though I wasnt supposed to. It cant be helped… its just going to happen. I really like it when it happens though; for some reason, it feels like US again.

Thank you. Im sorry I didnt trust you with my gift. And now I cant wait… youre the best.

What a week…

Its been so crazy this past week. Ive been packed with school work and I feel like Im busier than ever even though Im taking a huge break from the whole Barkada thing. Im still keeping up with my resolutions for the most part; getting back in shape in particular.

Still. Ive had a rough week. I had a special talk with a friend a couple of days ago; I got really emotional. Lets just say I was able to clear a lot of things up. I learned a lot about myself. I guess. Still, I continually feel like Ive done something wrong, and Im still doing something wrong. I feel like I make all the mistakes, every problem there was; I feel like I made every problem. I can deny it as much as I want, but the feeling still comes back. Even when Im not expecting it, it tears me apart in just a few unexpecting minutes. At least I gave everything; at least I know that I could have given the whole world. I gave away my most sentimental item I own to somebody very important to me. It was really hard for me to do; but it had to be done. I feel naked without it everyday. I hope that person always takes care of it… Im almost there.

Im going to try not to think about it as much anymore. This weekend has been AWESOME so far. Talk about reunions and meeting new people. SO I heard from three old friends this week; and hung out with one of them. I hung out with Caleb and plan to hit up Ivan and Grace sometime this week when I get the chance. Its amazing how much people change in just a few years; I know my whole group has gone through changes. This past weekend I actually went to a party with some 909 people. Met some really cool cats. I had a lot of fun celebrating Irishs birthday. I drank a tad bit; good times though. Johns Incredible Pizza was fun, but the after party was even better. Karaoke, chillin, I brought my Ive Never board game. It was a chill party but still I made some new friends. The next day I headed back to Victorville and hung out with Caleb; we went to chill at Starbucks and then to Jorells party. I havent seen that guys in years either; must have been since high school. Seriously, to name some of the people Ive met and heard from this past week that I havent in years include Lynne, Caleb, Jorell, Christine, Ivan, Grace… definitely all fun though. Now that I technically should have more time, I could catch up with all of them. I still need to drop by Gretas to see the new baby; before it gets older! I had a good talk with JoJo at her party; always a cool person to hang out with.

My life is going through a lot of changes right now. Im meeting so many new people and at the same time meeting up with so many old friends. Ive missed out from these past two years; not that I regret any of it though.

Im heading in a new direction in life and Im just prepping the big news. Im not going to leave this whole Barkada life, I know theyll always be there.

I know it doesnt seem like it, but Im not happy in life right now; in fact Im very sad. It just gets harder and harder everyday for me to get up and stay focused. I need a reason to be happy; the number one reason why I was happy is now gone, in a sense.

I wish you could be my reason again. Im the reason Im still holding on, youve already let me go… what if I find somebody else? Would I be able to do it? I dont want to hurt you, but I want to be happy. Would you be hurt if I found somebody? Would it make you happy? Im still always concerned about how you think… are you even concerned about how I feel? Or is it if Im happy, youll be happy for me? I never want to hurt you again…

… something unexpected happened this weekend. NOTHING serious, just ask, and Ill tell.

This was a busy week. Once again I failed to go to Church. This time I had A LOT of studying to do. I just spent this whole day behind this computer trying to finish a presentation for my group project. Other than that all my other resolutions are going well…

Anyways, some really interesting things came up this week. I was myspaced by a couple of really old friends back in the day. Definitely gotta chill with them sometime especially if Im going to be totally MIA this quarter. Ive got a lot of catching up to do with everybody and myself. Doesnt mean that Im totally going to disappear from the whole Barkada thing; in fact Im still around at some events. I definitely want to play intramurals and I like going to other schools to meet up new people. I went to Irvine earlier this week with Barkada and ended up just chillen at Karlas apartment.

This was a sad week for me. Still reminiscing on the past I suppose; you know people always try to hide away old feelings denying it, but eventually they leak out. Happened to me this week at least. I went to Karlas Aunts 25th year anniversary; the silver years. I had a lot of fun, I got to hang out with her cousins that I havent seen in a long time. Strange thing was that I saw Ana and Russel there. I had a long heart to heart talk with Ana. I learned a lot of things from the other side and Im much more understanding of my present situation. Things are getting better though. Im not as hung up as before this year. I heard this quote from one of my friends and at first I felt that I could totally relate to it…

What hurts the most is that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, youre not even trying to keep me…

Yeah, thats a really sad quote. But thats how I felt at first. After speaking with Ana, I should understand that I did nothing wrong, maybe you dont want the world. And eventually someday youll be ready to accept it; but as for now you just dont want it. I can sit here and reminisce about so many things but its constantly holding me back.

I actually learned A LOT at the anniversary. I mean not only did I learn that we could possibly ask them to help out with PACN [Their cultural dances were AWESOME] but life lessons. 25 years is a long time. Thats longer than Ive lived. How do you stay with somebody that long? I heard trust a lot, I heard patience a lot, I heard understanding a lot, but one interesting one was that you should never go to bed being mad or angry at your significant other. That is one of the greatest advices Ive ever heard of. Im definitely going to use that in the future haha.

You know, I shouldnt be scared, but at the same time I am. There are so many risks. But life is about taking risks right? Not yet though. Most definitely not yet…

Another thing, I find myself getting jealous a lot. I shouldnt be though; there will always be a space for me in their heart. I should always remember that. Nobody can take that place. I would be more mad and jealous if I were replaced by someone exactly like me rather than somebody different.

On a different note, Im trying to grow my hair out. I have this really cool look that Im trying to pull off. But its going to take awhile for my hair to grow in. Im in that ugly phase right now where there isnt much that you could do with your hair.

Im not trying to stay away from you

Happy New Year! First week of the New Year and I plan to change myself. Ive gone through a lot this year and Ive learned a lot about myself as well. Ill dont regret anything that has happened this past year. This past year was probably the greatest year of my life; I can honestly say that. I may not have ended the year with the great feelings that started me last year, but I plan on starting new with the new year. New Year, new me. If youre reading this now, good job; you should know that I plan on writing in my blog every Sunday night. I have several New Years resolutions planned out for this year. Of course theres the usual become healthier, more self conscious, get back to church, and get in better shape resolutions; but I do have others in mind. FIRST I would love to spend less than twenty dollars a week on food not counting groceries; HUGE money saver. Next I would like to attempt to make a new friend every week. Increase my social skills ya know?

I spent this year with wonderful people, too many people to name out. Im sure if you read the blogs from before you know who Im talking about. A lot more people have learned about me and my life, others have yet to find out. This year is about change for me. It may take only a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even the whole year; regardless, this year is about change for me. Changing myself for the better. Its about time I mature a little. Ill be taking a break from Barkada for a little while; for real this time. And Im most definitely not going to step into the API this quarter, at least try not to. Its too much of a distraction from my studying. No more procrastination either; thats not only going toward my studies. Its also towards my lifestyle. GET THINGS DONE. I want to be on top of things.

This past week was a good week for the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I did miss church today; though I was planning to start off the year by trying my best to go to Church weekly. BUT today I was planning to go, we had a family get together today for lunch so I couldnt make it. Tomorrow Im beginning my intense work outs. Im still practicing every night. This year is going to be good. I didnt want to start off the year with the same feelings that I had ending last year. So if I had a glass in my hand I would say CHEERS to the new year! And thank you to everyone who made last year absolutely memorable. You all should know who you are…

I love you.

Hello world! I know, its been a long time since I wrote in this once again. Yeah, well, things have been awesome with me this past quarter. School wasnt too bad, I mean, it really kicked my butt towards the end. PACN was cool too, I had a small part but it was really nice having the whole entire bonding experience again with everybody. There was an after party, and I got messed up. Sorry to say, but I had maybe 18 shots that night. I knocked out in the car WITHOUT the keys in my hand, so that was a good one, I guess. Then there was also banquet this year. That was A LOT of fun. I won seriously like 5 awards, even though everybody thinks that I rigged it haha. No but really, the theme was disco and I had this whole entire get up ready for it, I forgot my shoes!! But Joel had an extra pair of black shoes that I borrowed. I was actually really sad that night, it was our last night as an E-board team. The new board was being passed on. So thus it was the end of Babe-E-board. It was a great year and Ill never forget everything weve gone through with each other. The good times, the bad times, and always sticking it out with each other. I am really sad that we arent going to be seeing each other as often now, but we still have our R and R retreat! Thats going to be a lot of fun. Still though, its a little different now that we dont see each other every week. Its alright though, Im sure that we will soon get used to it. Too many memories. Congratulations to the new board! They are going to have a great year! Now vacation has started, Im most definitely going to try my best to help out the new board. As well as relax and spend some large amounts of missed time with my inner circle. Its been too long. My family is seriously pressuring me to get a job, and I do want one. Ive already had an interview with Hollister but it doesnt seem like Im going to get the job, Ill look for another job someplace else then. But yes, things have been pretty awesome with me. There are thousands of other things that I want to say, but I cant mention or Ive forgotten. Most likely though I cant mention as of now. Its good things though, really good things.

Sorry for all the late posts, I hardly ever post any blogs now. Things are going GREAT for me! Im so happy right now and am usually in a good mood. Ive got a lot of school work granted, but that is the usual thing. Barkada is working me like crazy again, its all good though. PACN is coming up again this season and I got a really important monologue. Im pretty confident with it, except that I need an accent with it! Its going to be wierd. Haha, but I can keep working on it, Ill be fine. The year is almost over for me on E-Board. Somewhat excited but somewhat sad as well. Excited that I wont have as much work anymore and I can finally get a job to earn money, but not so excited that Im not going to be able to hang around with 13 of my favorite people. Life goes on and Ill still keep in touch with them. We did an awesome job this year and were going to end the year strong! Ill keep you guys updated with what Im doing, but as of now its just late night PACN practices and school. Im going to udpate my myspace soon, in fact, Ive already updated some of it ;-]. Check it out if youre bored and see if you can find out where I updated it. Ill keep in touch!

Things are better than ever.

Life is good.

Word man. However, life is busy. Things are most definitely picking up. Better with friends, better with family, better with situations, better with school, better with stress, better with everything. No problems, but life is still busy. STRESS is over with Sportsfest, but things are coming up fast right after! Have a lot of things to do with PACN coming up. I have a lot of practice every night and a lot of homework along with that. But things are going great with me. So as for that last blog, dont worry. Im sure that Life is Good. Make life how you want it to be. You want it to be good, let it be known. Happiness is only for those who try to reach it. There are those who are willing to help too. Thank you to them. Stay strong my friends.

**EDIT, this post was made at night

Its funny, as the day moves on, I feel SO much better. I guess, feelings over react when things seem down. At the end of the day, things seem much better.

Im planning to take twenty units this quarter by the way. Yeah. Im ok. Time to get busy once again!