I find it depressing. One week it’s as if we like each other unable to let go; while the next it’s just like “whatever.” I keep telling myself, “maybe if I keep waiting, the chance will happen,” even though they all tell me, “sorry Jared, as of now you don’t have a chance…” All the while I’m waiting, I’ve passed up chances; but I’m so typical, so stubborn, and so shallow… too many opportunities arise that I pass. And now, I took a chance even though I’m waiting. A while back a friend made a prediction of my future of how I would meet my “dream,” and strange as it was I’m in a situation like that now. I took a chance, a crazy one. I’m tired of waiting, I’m falling asleep as I grasp the light switch. Should I put my hopes in dreams and awake to new ones or continue waiting until the door opens? I think it’s best that I turn out the lights; but I still hesitate to switch it on off…
On a side note: prom was fun.
PACN was quite the experience. Built better bonds, worked under stress, and provided a voice to the community. It felt great to go out there and do it! The feeling was like a long adrenaline rush the whole time! My heart was pumping the whole time, that’s even how I woke up! I’ll never forget all the practices we did and all the hard work that we all had to do to achieve this PACN. To me, this was the most heartfelt and strong PACN regardless of other people’s thoughts because to me, it made my family, friends, and my loved ones proud of all the work we all went through. We all worked as a family to do this, and that is exactly what we are; ohana. And as one of my truly inspiring friends said who actually provided me with counsel: “The hardest things in life get the greatest rewards” and we all worked hard for this and the reward was absolutely amazing. Thanks for the talk; I hardly do those kind of things. May God’s graces go within this new family.
My days have been so repetitious lately. School, practice or BNP, workout, and sleep. Everything begins all over the next day. God is keeping me busy for the next several weeks though. It’s alright though; there have been some really cool events that I’ve done these past weeks.
First there was Facades. I did a piece titled “Products of Society.” Basically it was a monologue/spoken word and through it I spoke my experiences and my goals with the will of God. I was hoping to inspire some people; Marco spoke to me after the event and on the next day telling me that, “I felt it.” It really made me feel good inside. I am being His instrument to spread His teachings.
PACN is coming up on May 21rst. I’m trying to sell tickets to everybody I know. I was originally a doctor, but now I’m a dude who’s “In the closet” or maybe just unsure of his sexuality. Oh man it’s hilarious! I’m a little skeptical about it, but I get a girlfriend in the end, so no need to worry. Besides, it doesn’t matter what other people think in this world so as long as I have my real friends who really know me and of course God leading my life. I want to run for E-Board next year as Marco’s current position: External Representative. We’ll see how that goes. PACN practices are hard and all day…
I missed this event called Joke Night at Stephanie’s church. I really wanted to go but it was my brother’s birthday so I had to go home and spend time with the family, which is totally fine. But I really wanted to hang out…
JoJo’s dance event called Ultimate Brawl is coming up; everybody is going so I’m going to go too. I’m sure it’s going to be fun. I haven’t hung out with all those kids in awhile so I kind of miss them. I really miss my inner circle as usual though. We need a reunion; the last time was when we went searching for cheesecake…
The BNP has been my time of peace in the week. Tuesdays I go to Ultrea to hear the sharings and basically learn of everybody’s experiences. Apparently I might be going with a girl there to Prom. I’m sure it’s going to be fun; I remember my prom nights. I’ll show her a good time. I go there whenever there is an event just to be refreshed. I wish that I could go there more often though…
By the way, yes, there is a girl I like right now. I always highlight her name in my phonebook but I can’t seem to press the dial button. I can’t help but hesitate to call because I don’t want to say the wrong things or bother her you know? She inspires me to play the piano whenever I have free time. The worst part is that I don’t even know her that well. I wish I could just ask her to lunch or something so that she could get to know me and I could get to know her. Rather than just hanging out during events… I’m hoping to ask her to Banquet even though I know she’s so busy… I’m probably not in her thoughts right now so I doubt if she’s going to read all the way down this blog; I’m not that worried about writing this. I better take a chance… I wonder if she’s busy right now… I’m going to text or call her right now, hopefully she’ll pick up =).
PEACE & Love
This has been the most spiritual enlightening week of my life…
… would you believe me if I told you I was touched by God? Both spiritually and physically? Yes physically... well, actions speak louder than words and hopefully you, all my friends, have been noticing the radical changes in my life…
… and I pray to you my brothers and sisters, that you may find the light to follow your heart to enlightenment; many of you don’t realize that time is running out… our Lord will come back again to cleanse this earth…
… yes I am talking about the end of the world….
… are you ready? I hope you are, but I should tell all of you, I’m praying for the safety of your souls. The only reason why there is sorrow on this Earth is because of sin, and the only reason why there is sin on this Earth is because of us…
… why are we sad? Are you happy WILLFULLY going against the will of God? Do you feel good abusing your body? Do you feel right avoiding blessings by not receiving the sacraments of communion and reconciliation? My friends let me tell you something…
… the devil is beautiful; yes, not ugly, but beautiful. He has taken our hearts and tricked us with temptation and “the easy” ways out of situations. Try your best to avoid and not fall under the trance of his beauty because IT IS SO STRONG, so mind grabbing, and so hurtful in the end…
… my brothers and sisters, are you ready to embrace God? When He asks you the question, “What have you done, in honor of me?” Do you know what you can say? I don’t know guys…
… I love you kids with all my heart. Sometimes, you would have no idea that I even have a relationship with Him. But I tell you, He guides me everyday and He is the reason why I go on. I pray for you; because I am worried…
… please understand, that I am very worried. I shouldn’t be, but sometimes when I sit in the corner doing homework and studying, I observe so many simple actions that go against his will; cursing, drinking excessively, smoking, disrespect…
… I tell you to stop. I always imagine another nail hammered into His son and that he goes through all that pain FOR US. It makes me cry, it makes me weep, it despairs me. This week was for Him and I hope that He was in your mind even for a simple minute for you to do something of His will…
Peace & Love to you, all my brothers and sisters…
So where did I go during this three day weekend? I went on a Church retreat… first off, let me introduce myself the BNP way:
I am your brother in Christ, Brother Jared Falcis. VERY fortunate to have graduated from the Banal Na Pag-Aaral Panawagan Class number 59 held on March 31 to April 2 2006 at the BNP House Of Prayer In Ontario, CA UNDER THE GRACE OF GOD!!
So I thought that this was just going to be another “Confirmation 3 Retreat.” And of course I was wrong. I loved my confirmation 3 retreat, and I definitely loved this retreat. I experienced similar feelings from both but I felt that my overall feeling and strength for God was much more intimate and stronger in this retreat. This was an all boys retreat so there could be no distractions from the main purpose of this retreat; to get to know the BNP and to become closer to God.
Let me tell you. I know some of you are all like, “Oh all boys… how boring.” Well you lost the point of the retreat then. The things that happened at this retreat were LIFE CHANGING! I have NEVER… I’ll repeat NEVER had feelings after a retreat as strong as I do now; not even after the confirmation 3 retreat (though that was a blast!). Oh my God… I just received so many new Brothers in Christ. There ARE people just like me with the same problems and we all shared our experiences. We had MANY rollios, talks, and discussions along with activities. The food was bomb(or so I heard since I gave up meat for lent). But I can’t possibly tell you everything I felt and everything I did this retreat because there just is no way to explain it. REALLY. You have to learn it for yourself. And I want to share these feelings with you and all my friends, so I AM NOT afraid to tell the world about how I felt at this retreat.
The purpose of life is to know, love, and serve God. I know God, I love God, and I am most definitely ready to serve God.
Many thanks go out to my brothers… my new brothers in Christ. We were all ballin’; no need to be ashamed of it. More than once too. During the Calvary and while we spoke to Mahal Na Ingkong. Let’s continue our faith and I hope to see you again soon… Thanks definitely go out to the servers. I met some of my old family members and some new friends. You guys really gave your hearts. Without you guys, this retreat would not have been possible. You’ve inspired me to become a server as well… The Rectors… oh my God you guys are great. Thank you Brother Ace, thank you Brother Nino, thank you Brother Ashley. You’ll never know how much you’ve changed my life. Thanks for everything. I only had a glimpse of what you all had to go through to help me and my brothers. And you know WE LOVE YOU TOO. And we’ll always miss you. I already do! It’s weird!! But cool. You’re my inspirations. Brother Ace man, I’m still waiting for a pick up line battle! Haha. But most of all, I cannot forget to thank Ate Salve. I have never met her personally, but I definitely want to someday. That day will be soon hopefully. Without Ate Salve, none of this would have been possible along with the fact that there would not even be a BNP. So I must thank her for everything. Thank you Ate Salve and may God Bless you even more than he already has! Anyways, I have so much more to say but I have school tomorrow at eight in the morning. Love you guys, you all can always count on me if you ever need help. Just let me know. Peace Out. Don’t forget to say your prayers and give your graces… “Can’t Stop… Won’t stop...”
I miss my friends way too much right now. I mean, MORE THAN EVER. God, I mean, having a whole bunch of things to do, stress all over the place, feels like I have nobody. Even though I have a lot of people, I just want to be with my friends again. I want to go stargazing, I want to go to V-town just to mess around. Go running around in the sprinklers and playing hide and go seek in the grocery stores. Run around the parking lot while being pushed in shopping carts into trucks and playing man hunt while forgetting about people who are hiding. I want to play freeze tag in the middle of the night and have those long walks in the dark knowing that we’re SAFE walking around. We can’t do that here in Pomona, you might get shot or something. Let’s go look for some buried treasure or just lie around in a Van. Let’s crack some jokes and pick up lines and talk about everybody we know. Figure out whose day it is because it’s never going to be mine. But if it were my day, I’d just want to hang out with you guys. Let’s go play some instruments or even sing on the karaoke. Let’s sneak into rated R movies even though we’re legal. Let’s TAKE PICTURES AT SCANDIA PLEASE!! Run around the golf course playing tag. Let’s play tennis and hit each other! Let’s go trash can surfing. Just kidding to both of those. Let’s watch movies and wrestle! Let’s forget about school because “we don’t need first period!!.” Let’s DANCE in the moonlight! At prom, as Unison, at winter formal, clubs, homecoming. OH man it doesn’t matter! Just having good ol’ times and having a blast. Having water fights and falling asleep in cars looking up at the moon roof when it’s too cold because we love the starts THAT MUCH. Let’s get lost while walking in the middle of the night and not even worry about it. Who wants to be my date? You’ll have to buy the food though… Let’s go to Ontario, Rancho, anywhere! I’ll even let you guys do the rock on me… maybe. Let’s hide in our secret spot that makes us happy. Forget about our troubles. Let’s just keep reminiscing about the millions of things that we haven’t mentioned because it seems that all we have now are memories… Woompa guys, woompa… =(
His Will
Well, these past few days have been quite something! I don’t usually write blogs in quick succession but I felt that I just had to with all that has happened in such a short amount of time. Let’s start with Ambiance!
So I made four poems/spoken words for it. I personally enjoyed all of them that I wrote. Two of them were funny, one was for opening, and one was REALL EMO! I decided not to read it for the sake of the crowd. Not all the people who I wanted to be there to hear mine were there… but it was all good! Then there were the singers. Great kids. As always, musically talented kids always inspire me. I actually have started (though not much success) writing my own song! Rock on huh? It’s on the piano since that’s the only instrument I know how to play and its HARD trying to attempt to sing and play at the same time! Not to mention that it only sounds good sometimes. Maybe I’ll try it out next time we have a night like that (which may be awhile…). But overall, I had a good time. APITG has really had its effects on me!
Now let’s talk about Lent. I’ve decided to give up myspace (except on Saturdays) and all meat (except fish and eggs). I think it’s going to be hard, but I’m doing it for Him! I know I could do so much more too, like totally give up on myspace. Even a lot of my friends are telling me, “You know Jared, you could do something more like making yourself a better person… blah blah blah.” Dude, I just have to say I agree with you, but beside the point, Lent you are supposed to give something up. I gave that up and I am also planning to go to Church whenever possible. The BNP is planning to have mass every night during Lent; that’s where I plan to be! Besides, I love God; he’s a really cool guy. He’s the reason why I wake up every morning!
In addition to that, I went to the BNP for Lent. I felt bad because I met a lot of family I haven’t seen in a long time and they were like, “Oh! Jared is that you? Do you remember me?” and I was like, “ehhh…..” I felt bad. It’s alright! I’m beginning to get to know my family once again! I want to join the youth so badly. They seemed a little stuck up at first… sorry if I was mean. But then again, I was also kinda quiet so whatever. I DO want to hang out again though! I plan to join their class towards the end of March for a retreat. It’s going to be fun! I’m really excited for this Lent!
Well school has been a real life taker for me. I haven’t had any sleep at all this quarter and THANK GOD it’s almost over! But I still have several reports to do along with studying for finals and practicals. But Barkada is keeping me busy as well. So many events I can’t keep up with it all! But, I’ve been controlling myself instead of the other way around. I’ve missed out on several events in order for me to catch up on school. They’re expecting me to be part of E-board next year… I dunno about that. But anways, Sports Fest is coming up! I’m playing volleyball. Overall, I think that our team has gotten a million times better!
Anyways, there is A LOT more going on right now, but I have to get back to doing my homework. Just wanted to write down the crash course of my life as of now. Stay cool.
On Replay: I Love You, Goodbye//Nina
So as of yesterday, I attended this banquet of Stephanie’s Church. This event was called, “The Passion and Purity Banquet.” Basically, it was about who, what, where, when, why, and how to be with “the right person” on different perspectives. The message was strong and the overall feeling I received was very pure (heh, hence the title). I met a new youth group; REALLY NICE group of kids. Granted, they told me not to feel awkward, but that couldn’t really be helped. After all, I was in a room full of people who knew each other but I didn’t. It’s alright though, I felt very welcomed with these guys. I had a hard time remembering all the names, too many to count. There were several testimonials and Stephanie sang a song with this one guy (YES I forgot his name). And when they were singing the songs, I had no idea what the lyrics were or even how the song went, but I kind of was able to guess how the melody went so I just sang with my instincts with the lyrics up. The food was delicious! They thought I was being sarcastic when I said that, but hey, it was good. I chilled for a little bit after the whole event with some of the other youths. I was invited to go hang out with them again on the next time they meet; I want to, but we’ll see how that goes… I definitely was inspired after this event; I want to write another spoken word now. I could go more in depth, but I’m tired, I just want to sleep. So I’m going to head to bed…
… and just for the record, IT WAS NOT A DATE. I told you guys, I have no idea why y’all were getting all worked up about it, I told you I was going as one of her guests, most likely there will be other guests as well.
Question: A similar question as the past several times: Would you rather have everything perfect? Or everything comfortable? Perfection or Comfort.
Well, the stress isn’t necessarily over and school is still taking over my life. I finally got a day when I just sat at home, relaxed, and did nothing. Seriously, I needed one of those days.
Anyways, so my friends have always called me “Jared the Heartbreaker.” I guess it suits me… and yes, it is bad. I’ve always pictured my dream girl, the “one” so to speak, and if I find someone who I don’t see as the “one,” then I won’t see myself with them. No I’m not trying to be conceited or anything like that at all, just trying to display a point that I’ve found that I’ve broken a lot of hearts. All these girls who crush on me, who find me attractive, who actually like me for who I am, I end up breaking their hearts because I can’t see the “one” in them. Is that so bad of me? Is it really bad for me to wish for the “one”? I don’t intend to break their hearts, I wish we could just be friends, I wish that we could be like family, I wish that you never crushed on me so that I could never hurt you. No this isn’t aimed for anybody in particular, just the sweet ones whom I’ve hurt. There are a number of you and I am sorry. Truly very sorry. And I will know just how you feel, when I find the “one” who will reject me; I’ll be a heartbroken heartbreaker.
But I have to look at this through both points. A lot of you may be asking, “Well, what is wrong with me? Are you so stuck up that I don’t reach your standards?” Well, no, there is nothing wrong with you based on your standards and there is nothing wrong with you based on anybody’s standards. Please understand there is nothing wrong with you; what I mean to say is that everybody has a preference. I have a preference and you’re probably just not my type of girl. “Well, I’m willing to change for you…” DON’T! Please don’t change, find another guy who would like you for who you are. If you’re not happy with the way you are then go ahead and make a change, but that won’t make you a better person; that will only make you more satisfied with yourself. If you’re happy with yourself, then find someone who will be happy for yourself as well. Reality wise, there is no better person; religiously wise, a better person is one who is closer to God. The more closer you are to God, the closer you are to Heaven. But we have to look at this realistically, so please realize that nobody is better than anybody else. A whore may see her pimp as the greatest person in the world as he provided her with warmth, love, care, and shelter; however, others may see him as dirty for his business. There is nothing wrong with you, just not my type of girl, not my type of preference, but one who I may get along with. Sorry once again.
Question: Would you rather have you’re dream girl? Or your soul mate? Basically, would you rather have a girl who is everything you’ve every wanted? Or the one who can relate to every possible experience you’ve had with theirs?
On Replay: Comfortable//John Mayer
My timing isn’t very good at all. But I guess that’s what makes me Filipino =P. Seriously though, when it comes to girls, I’m way off. I mean, it’s like everything seems to happen really late, and then I have to catch up with more than I can handle and end up losing it all. Hahaha, it’s a little difficult to explain. I’m just like whatever, how can I lose something that I’ve never had in the first place? Just anticipation… I can’t wait though for the future. In the oxymoronically stated words of Richard, “Let’s plan to be spontaneous.” I think I should plan on a specific date instead of being spontaneous… Let’s give it a shot…
Our PCN for Barkada is coming up I think in March… I was asked to tryout for a couple of the dances… one in particular is the bahag(sp?). Time for me to go on a diet! “Go on the special K diet and lose 6 lbs. in two weeks…” Wish me luck on that one. I really can’t wait for PCN. I’m definitely trying out for dances, acting is still pending.
My Incredibles are great. Been having a lot of fun with them lately. Loving our California burritos guys! And our fight night and fusion frenzy, you all had to form an alliance between all of you just to beat me in Odd One Out… and I still won =P. A lot of them went to the PI; you know Linette was on Wowowee? Hahaha, it was hilarious. I probably would have done the same thing if I was there, “Sinong Tatay Mo…” AND we’re all planning to go snowboarding on Friday! Rock on! I want to get my own gear, but that’s money. I’ll probably wait until off season.
School is doing alright. Man, I’ve been working like 24/7 studying. This weekend was a real chill weekend, but I’ve got my work ahead of me tomorrow. I might pull an all-nighter. We’ll see what happens. I feel confident for 4/6 of my classes. My main concern is in English. English I’m doing horrible as I’ve pretty much failed my first two homework assignments… I won’t say that it’s ok, because it really isn’t. I have no idea what happened, I read and studied but still received low grades. However, I’m very fortunate to find that my grade is mainly focused on three essays and an exam. So two homework assignments shouldn’t affect me too much. All my other classes are A’s. I’m going for a 4.0 this quarter! Rock on! I have my work ahead of me like I said…
Oh man Myspace. Lately I’ve been getting a lot of random friend requests. I’ve received two from these people with like thousands of friends. I usually accept requests, I wonder if these kids actually stay in touch with who they asked? Seriously, from my past experiences with random requests, very few ever left me a comment. I’m just about ready to delete the random ones who never left me a single comment or message. In fact I’m going to do it, just as soon as I update all my other stuff. I want to put up my favorite music, books from college, about me… and new pictures. All my pictures seem to make me look fat, and I’m not. I’m not exactly cut, but I’m definitely not fat. Hahaha. Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of, I won’t say real because all hip-hop is real, I won’t say true hip-hop because you can’t fake it, I’ll say lyrically gifted hip-hop. I’m loving the phrases, sounds, rhythm, and feeling of the words being expressed through voice. I’m listening to a lot of that Talib Kweli, Fugees, Lauryn Hill, The Roots, and all of that nice Jazz. I want to put that on Myspace… Hahaha what am I doing talking about Myspace? I have to get working on it sometime.
Oh what a life. So simple, yet so complex. So that I don’t violate the law in Philosophy, by simple I mean in comparison to the outside, by complex I mean in comparison to the inside. Both tied to the human individual. Peace, Love, and Hip-Hop…
On a side note, I want to learn how to write songs. I want to become lyrically blessed and musically gifted. I want to leave a nice impression on those who want to hear. Which is why I’m in APITG eh? Hahaha, I’ll let you know how that is going…
And I love God. He’s a cool guy. He really has been answering my prayers lately. Heh. What does He have in store for me next?
It’s going to be a killer quarter. I have no time for food and no time for studying. Actually, I do have time for studying, more like no more time for fun. God help me.
“Of A, B, C, and Z, Z wanted the perfect (as in “preference”) A, the better than average B, or be comfortable with C. A never noticed Z since Z was at the end and C just wasn’t working out. B took a chance on Z and began a connection… Z still wished for the perfect A but gave up on trying. Time passed and Z and C are friends, Z and B are getting close… and A began noticing Z. Now should Z break B and take a chance on A, give up on A, or sieze the moment with C?”
“Jared, what’s the point of your story?
“Well, while A was noticing Z, B was crying, C was just having fun, and Z was lost, U and I came together, X and Y got married and had some kids, and J and P were just playing…”
“I’m lost…”
“I guess that’s why I’m J and you’re Z”
Sometimes, stories don’t have to make sense to brighten another person’s day; just as long as they laugh and smile… but with all jokes aside and before the first response, were you able to answer Z’s question? Seriously.
It’s the end of the year!
Who would have thought? As I sit in my room at about midnight… there are so many things on the top of my mind. This year was amazing… how could I ever forgot the year 2005. I’m just sitting here reminiscing about all the events and kickbacks that I had this year. I remember Winter Formal, I remember birthday parties such as Linette’s, I remember homecoming, I remember The Asian Pacific Islander Club, I remember prom, I remember HIGH SCHOOL. I remember grad night and graduation… I remember the surprise parties for my birthday and all my friends. I remember Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween, and the road trip half away across America with my family. Oh my goodness im a brown belt!! All Vegas trips just for prime rib even though I don’t eat it. My Incredibles, my Inner Circle… I remember my college applications, my AP tests and SAT’s. I remember choosing the college I wanted to go to… my first time meeting Barkada at the beach… ALL THOSE BEACH TRIPS GUYS!! I’ll never forget that BBQ chicken that Sammy makes. Some of us left… the day I moved out… my first day of college… God, so much. It’s amazing how much you can fit into a year. My senior year… I’ll never forget all those things… It’s funny how I’m reminiscing now. Probably because I just finished watching Sky High with the family and they were having like Homecoming and stuff. But still… perspective.
Everybody has a perspective of life. Some believe that they should live life to the fullest by partying and going crazy all over the place. Some prefer to stay home and play video games, watch TV, or what not. Some rather just chill, sit-back relax with a cold drink. Some rather just sit at home reading a book by a fire place. Some stay with friends, some stay with family, many with both! My perspective of life is simple, “live life to the fullest… just as long as you’re living it with God.” And with that, you can enjoy all the pleasures of a blessed life with the Lord by your side walking with you every step of the way. I loved this year. I got confirmed this year! In fact, I’m happy that I started writing blogs so that now I can record my memories making it easier for me to remember. As this year ends… get rid of all those regrets, secrets, grudges… just leave it all behind. My family always tells me to start the New Year clean. Take a shower 10 minutes before the year starts so that you’re clean for the rest of the year. Hahaha.
So now I’m doing monster clean up right now. AND… as for new year’s it’s simple I want fall in love. ^_^. Yuup… as simple as it may seem, as stupid as it may sound, I want to experience it. Something I’ve longed for a long time… something I’ve waited for a long time. I want to get married by 23 after all hahaha. Seriously. Anyways, I just wanted to go over this year… I have the choice right now. I can stay at home with friends and watch them drink through New Years or go the Vegas with the family and be the only boy… hahaha. I’m going to Vegas. Sorry… it’s beautiful over there…
“2005! WHAT?! 2005! WHAT?! 2005! WHAT?!...”
“Is this the end? No, just the beginning of a brand new fun filled day as we run through the sprinklers…”
As we stare at the stars…
“You know, every time we see a shooting star… it means a star is dying… and that means an angel loses its wings…”
“Yeah… and it’s beautiful”
“This our secret spot for our inner circle… every time you come to Irvine, you have to visit this spot…”
“As secretary of the API club, I would like to present our president this plaque…”
“Congratulations class of 2005 we graduated!!”
Music in the background… “Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the BEST I’ve ever had…”
“I’m sorry, this party is too large… is it alright if we take this picture outside?”
“Congratulations Mr. Falcis, you have passed your confirmation exam…”
“And the princes of winter formal court are: Jared Falcis…”
“Let’s take pictures at Scandia!”
“Oppa on three 1…2…3… Oppa!!:
“We are B-AR…K-A-DA…”
“Our mind and bodies may be someplace else, but our hearts will always remain in Victorville. I love you guys…”
So many more quotes… yet, I will never forget… 2005.
I just returned from Vegas today with Sammy, DeeJ, and Ryan for Sammy’s 21rst birthday. I just have to say that it was a lot of fun; definitely more fun than anticipated… and I anticipated a lot of fun. We write blogs mainly to serve as a journal to record our inner most thoughts and feelings; however, at the same time, we hope others will read it… with that mentality in mind, It’s difficult for me to write all that I wish to say. In the course of this trip, three of the highlights I experienced would be God (what?? In Vegas??), self realization, and counsel… along with immeasurable amounts of fun!
God saved my life this weekend, or at least prevented me from getting a serious injury. We were chilling at a red, left turn stop light. It had just turned green but Sammy was preoccupied getting a CD I think. So I said, “Sammy green, Sammy green, Sammy green!!” several times. It took us a couple of seconds stopped at the green light before we began to move forward. Right before we were about to go, a car zooms quickly and closely past us (from the right side of the intersection, he was making a left and tried to catch the yellow). If not for Sammy being preoccupied, we probably would have been T-boned on my side (Aray ko!). I think this was God telling Sammy not to go yet… saving me… I was tripping out unnoticeably this entire weekend thanking God I was alive. I’m so thankful now for everything he has given me…
I also realized several things this weekend, one being my place in society. I felt that I brought down the mood of the trip because I gave some attitude refusing to drink some alcohol. I didn’t mean too… but they understood. Still had a great time bowling though! I don’t really have anybody who I can “connect” with. I mean, I saw connections being made from Ryan and DeeJ because of similar interests and characteristics with other people… I have found NOBODY who could probably see where I’m coming from… it would be awesome to look into the eyes of a girl who is similar to me in countless ways. I know there are a couple of girls who are similar to me; I just haven’t met them yet. I got some counsel about “yin and yang” from my buddies, but I couldn’t provide feedback… not to say I didn’t understand, but that they really don’t seem where I’m coming from and I know I can’t explain where I’m coming from… I really do appreciate them trying to help out thought. I’m not saying that their opinions aren’t helping me because they really are. I know it sounds like my weekend was no good, but you have no idea how much of a great time we had! I love these guys… too bad some of us were missing though.
Overall… a great weekend; in fact, we’re already planning another one! I just finished Myspacing and I discovered many things. Some things made me happy, some made me sad, but I still hope for the best… right, just hope for the best…
Current Mood//EXTREMELY HAPPY!! but now oddly broken
On Repeat//I thought she knew Nsync
My Schedule:
CHM 121 Sec. 02
Instructor: Opotowsky
9:00AM-9:50AM
Mon-Wed-Fri
PHL 201 Sec. 03
Instructor: Reardan
10:30AM-11:35AM
Mon-Wed-Fri
BIO 122L Sec. 02
Instructor: TBA
12:00PM-2:50PM
Mon-Wed
ENG 104 Sec. 08
Instructor: Appleford
4:00PM-5:50PM
Mon-Wed
BIO 122 Sec. 01
Instructors: Bozak, George, LaMunyon
9:15AM-10:30AM
Tue-Thu
CHM 121L Sec.24
Instructor: Greet
4:00PM-6:50PM
Thu
What I have To Say:
Dude, this is going to be a crazy quarter... 6 classes, only 17 units. That's MADNESS!! I'll be praying like everyday to do well in my classes. Anyways, If anyone has had any of these instructors, feedback would be greatly appreciated, though I did go to gradecalpoly.com to make sure that I got good instructors. Mon and Wed are going to kill me... and that Chemistry Lab is just out there... Hope your guys schedules turned out nicely. Vacation just started and I'm already worried about school =P... Well, glad I stayed up late to fix my schedule.
So I NEVER really got into writing blogs and all… but I figure this a good way for people to see where I’m coming from. I’m sure that this will also be a great method to aid my writing skills in English. Note that these previous blogs were moved from myspace to here… anyways, here’s my life as of now…
FRIENDS. I have my inner circle, my Barkada family, my Incredibles, and my Victorville friends. Lately, I’ve definitely been missing my inner circle. We NEED a reunion with all of us there… there always seems to be one of us missing. I’m missing all of those parking lot days in high school and all those funny things that we find funny but other people don’t… it’s all good though, because we’ll all be back for the holidays, Thank God. Let’s go to Scandia and take pictures. Let’s try to fit seven or more of us in there! My Barkada family… they’re new in my life… don’t get me wrong though, they’re really cool! I have this Kuya from the Ate/Kuya program, he’s really funny. Sometimes I worry for him though, I think that there’s more to him than what’s on the outside… how do I know? Well, I don’t drink, but sometimes when HE does… and he seems to always have something on his mind. I worry for him, but I guess he worries for me just as much after all he’s always checking up on me. Unfortunately, I still have that problem of opening up... I’m getting there though FO SHO!! =P. Barkada… my home away from home. My Incredibles… I’ve been initiated. It makes me happy knowing that they still want to chill with me even though I’ve moved to Ontario. More than words can say, they are definitely my Heroes… thanks. I’m happy we can still do the things we do now like Taco Tuesdays and gift exchanges. As for my Victoville friends, we seem to be drifting apart… but there’s always myspace, so hopefully we can stay in touch.
FAMILY. I’m home for the Holidays… I’ve been homesick. MAD homesick. The coolest thing about going home is that all illnesses seem to disperse. There’s no place like home.
GOD. I needed him critically these past few weeks… I think God went overtime answering my prayers. ESPECIALLY with school. Finals week, I swear I made a secret prayer before every final and I’m still praying for my grades… not only for my grades, but also for Verlee’s grades. I’m taking advantage of that “God loves me” rule... before my psych final, I said, “if God loves me, then I will do good on it…” and what do you know, I did well. I shouldn’t say that though, it was only for fun. I need to give something back now, after all Jesus’ birthday is coming up, I can’t wait!
LOVE. Hahaha… what to say about it? I liked this girl from Cal Poly for numerous reasons… unfortunately, I wasn’t getting the same vibe back. Or maybe I was just going too slow. Ah well, if it's the vibe, if its my speed, WHATEVER it is, the point is that there hasn't really been a spark yet, so I’m just happy that we can make each other laugh. For the most part though, I'm just chillen… who knows who God has planned for me, maybe he’s telling me not to get too close to this girl just yet, maybe he’s telling me to wait and he’ll reward me with the right girl. For now, I’m still looking...
mood//contemplative
on repeat//family business-Kanye West
**Actually made July 18,2005**
It’s ridiculous; it’s so ridiculous to see what people would do to gain attention and popularity. You clowns who stand as the center of attention, you cowards who ran away from the storm, you lights that cast everything in the shadows; this speech is not for you, though you should read it. This is not a lesson about “getting the right friends” or “learning to trust the ones close to you,” this is purely a tribute to my true friends.
True friends, this is for you. For all of you who provided comfort to those who were down, who strive to make dreams come true, who put your arms around someone and promised to go through the thick and thin with them, this is for you. For all of you who act as my Ate’s and Kuya’s providing me with any help I need, who gave me their trust and respect for my way of life, who always give me confidence when I have none, this is for you. For all of you who gave that clown a hand after being humiliated, for all of you who acted as a shield from the storm, for all of you who gave your light even to the darkest of shadows, this is for you.
It is a true gift from God that I have friends like you. God has brought me together with you all and has truly blessed me with your presence. I feel as if I can tell you guys anything without a problem knowing that you guys will help me in any way possible. As if you want to hear me out rather than feeling obligated to listen to me, as if you want to help me rather than feeling obligated to help me. A blessing, you guys are nothing less than a blessing from God given to me and I thank God so much for this gift. You all have no idea how much I love and appreciate all the things you guys do for me.
I can only hope that I have been such a friend to you all and that you guys are as comfortable around me as I am to you. I pray that the feelings and the love that I have for you all is the same as your feeling towards me. I can promise you guys that I will always be there for you all in whatever you guys do and that you all can count on me to be a true friend to you guys as you all have been to me. Don’t ever hesitate to call me up.
Whether it’s three blind mice opening up my eyes, a pirate giving me his treasure, or a hero who has saved my life in countless ways, I love and appreciate you all. You mean the world to me and more. I love you guys with all my heart and wish you all peace in the future! God Bless.
-(^_^)/ “Peace Be With You”
**Actually made April 10,2005**
There really is NO WAY I can describe how this retreat has effected me. Seriously, for once, I can say that I have gone through a "life-changing" experience. Never have I felt so "clean" as I am right now, not to say that I had a dirty soul before, but now I feel that the whole world has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll just skip to the most critical part of the retreat, which was Saturday night. It was about 9:30 and we had just gotten finished performing skits of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, my group was fortitude and we did the BEST hahaha! But, as soon as we finished, the retreat team sat us down at our tables and brought in a box. Because my brother had the same retreat last year, I knew exactly what was in the box.
On my first year retreat, we wrote a letter to ourselves, from me to me. On our second year, we wrote a letter to Jesus. This year, we wrote another letter to Jesus. Anyways, in this box, there were envelopes filled with letters. I was one of the only few who knew secretly what was already in the box. The box was filled with letters from our loved ones, most of us it was our family. I opened the first letter, it was from my little cousin who is only about 6. And who would have thought that out of the flower that she drew me, a Bee would come out and sting me in the eye? Gosh, my tears were rolling down my face. All I had to read was, "To: JayJay From: Sammy(my baby cousin)." And that was it, I started balling. I had gotten letters from my cousins, from my Ninang(Godmother), one from each of my parents, and one from my brother and sister.
I CAN'T explain to you exactly how I felt while I was reading those letters. Before, I have cried because I was sad, I have cried because I was mad, but NEVER have I cried tears of joy. Yea sure, I have had a lot of happy moments in this life of mine, but it's not likely that you would see me cry in front of my friends just for hanging out all day...It's not easy holding in your tears in front of your class; but I couldn't keep it to myself. I have the letters still, but I'm afraid that If I open them, I'll just start crying again...Let's move on to the next activity we did that night.
Our next subject was about something called AW-GUH-PAY. That's how you pronounce it since I don't know how to spell it. Basically, lets just say that it's a different kind of love. To better explain it, the retreat team read us a story called, "I'll Love You Forever." I'm sure most of you guys have read this little nursery rhyme. If not, well, maybe you'll remember this little melody, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Well, that's how they told us what awguhpay was. Soon after that, we were kneeling in front of the presence of Jesus just praying and listening to other people's prayers.
Maaaan, I can go on and on and on about this retreat because I'm not even close to done yet about what we had done! I'll just end this by saying that I feel like a brand new person, now I have already taken MOST of the hate out of me. I want to make ammends with my enemies if I have any, and to reconstruct better bonds with friends and family. I want to do so much more too, but for those who know what I'm talking about, I want to "PERSEVERE." And one more thing for those who know what I'm talking of, "Rise and shine, and give god your glory glory. Rise and shine, and give god your glory glory. Rise and shine, and give god your glory glory! Children of the lord!" hahaha...Let's go party yea?
-(^_^)/ "Peace Be With You"
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