I had a dead week this week. Nothing much happened. Wednesday we had our last volleyball game and we lost to a hard team; its all good though, I hope we get better in time for Sportsfest! Everybody came over my apartment that night after the game just because it was free and we needed something to do. All we did was play video games, eat, and draw on my white board. Its actually beginning to fill up.
I had my IBM Midterm this week as well, I did pretty well. Almost an A, I got a B. I think I have an A in the class because I got an A in my first midterm and everything else seems to be going well.
Also in this week, Mark came over because he was too tired from his midterm in the morning; just got some rest and chilled until I had work. It was fun because we havent chilled in awhile. Later on in the same night, there was a kick back at the guys new apartment. It was fun, I saw Ana after who knows how many weeks. I kind of ruined their plans on walking around Fullerton but we still had a good time just chillen there. I got kind of buzzed, I had to stay over. We played my board game called Ive Never. Revealed a lot of secrets and learned a lot from everybody; hilarious. I started speaking in Spanish at the people in Albertos. Perry got mad at me but it was all fun.
Mark had a flat tire earlier this week; hence I learned how to change one. I let him borrow some tools and we got it all done. Ive never learned how to change a tire but it was pretty cool learning how to. I kind of just caught him while he was trying to fix it when I called him. Anyways, we got that finished with then I headed out back to the apartment.
Just yesterday after I chilled at home for a little bit, Caleb and Chris came over again. We ended up playing the Wii in our huge projector. We played Halo and Super smash brothers. It was actually a lot of fun; Ive never really done any extreme gaming like that with a huge screen. Of course I won at Smash brothers; haha what can I say? Im gifted there.
Yeah it was pretty much a boring week… maybe something more interesting will happen this week…
The most important part of a relationship? Love. Give it, take it, show it, and embrace it; I deserve better…
Alright so its been a long week; sorry that this blog is late also. I just relaxed this whole weekend and forgot that we didnt have school on Monday.
So we had our Accounting Midterm on Monday; Im hoping that I did good. I didnt really have any questions on it except for one problem, but my cheat sheet had everything I needed on it. Well find out later on this week how well we did.
So regarding my thoughts last week about the whole entire PACN cast shindig, my view did change this week about a lot of things. I wrote a letter to them this week with my concerns; I quickly got a reply so it was all good. Well, I was angry last week so there were words that came out when I was all emotional; many of which werent true. This years board is actually doing a really good job with embracing the concerns and complaints made not only by me but other members as well. My role that I supposedly thought that was a made up role was actually a big role. Not a major role, but a major supporting role. Good enough for me, it makes me happy. I hear that the roles that the e-board took up some of them dropped their roles. Im very glad that e-board is embracing these concerns and very happy that they are dealing with them in a constructive matter. Looks like the end of the year is going to be good; and I am very sure that they are all here for the members.
Also on Wednesday we had a volleyball game; but before I went to that I hung out with Tracee and Christie and ate at Millies. I thought that it was too early for the open mic night but apparently I could have gone; sounds like a missed a really good show. Then later we had a volleyball game. There were twelve of us playing. We basically had to play one full game with one half and another full game with the other half. It was a close game; we lost the first, won the second, and barely lost the third game. We scrimmaged later just for fun.
Apparently it was registration this week; I totally did not know. I later found out about registration and ended up registering for my classes two days late. Its all good though because I got all the classes that I wanted and my schedule is looking really good. I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday which leaves plenty of time for work on all the other days along with studying. In addition to that, its looking really good for PACN especially with the practices lasting late at night.
So I thought I would help out with PACN because I heard that they needed help with finding a rural dance. At that point I thought I would ask Karla if she could ask her group if they could help teach or perform their rural dances at PACN. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem like its going to work out because of financial issues. Anyways, it was a good idea because I know that they genuinely know the real stuff.
So Valentines day… what a depressing day for me. I went through too much stuff that day. Well, I decided to go to my first Barkada meeting since I didnt have work until three. It was nice seeing everybody again and it was cool going to my first Barkada meeting of the quarter. Anyways we went out to eat afterwards but I had to talk to Mark about some things while we were there. Nothing much, just talked to him about my past relationship with she who will not be named. Code name? Lets go with Jessica. Anyways, I just dont understand why Jessica hasnt really been talking to me when in the beginning all she wanted to be was friends. Now she hardly picks up my calls, returns my calls, or talks to me in general. In fact I get the vibe that shes trying to avoid me… well I guess its something that all relationships go through, but she has to understand that I am over her; I just dont want to be a part of her past. I still want to be friends and I still want to be close; maybe not relationship wise. Yeah, I probably am trying too hard, but if I dont try at all, nothing is honestly going to happen and I doubt if were going to be friends. I dont want that. I do believe that its possible for people to become good friends after they break; Ive seen it and I believe it… anyways, Ill get back to this because I had another talk with a friend about it later on in the week.
Later on in the week I went to visit Karla in Irvine. We just caught up on life and thats when I asked her about everything with PACN and stuff. We at are Red Robins and then we went to a party at her friend Nicolles apartment. It was fun; it was real chill. Apparently they got a new projector and they just wanted to watch a movie with it.
Also later on in the week I hung out with Caleb; he totally challenged me at smash brothers. Im telling you Im unstoppable at that game. Anyways it was all fun, later we both decided to get into gunbound again later in the week.
Also I hung out with Christal this week at In n out. We just caught up on things because it might have been over a year since the last time we hung out. We seriously talked a lot about relationships. I talked about mine and she talked about hers. Shes in a new one now. Anyways, I explained that I still call and if I dont she wont call. And its true. Because I could see it from Jessicas point of view with Christal and I could explain my point of view. Basically Im supposed to be a part of Jessicas past; but I dont want that. And I know that Jessica doesnt regret anything and she does genuinely love and care about me; she just got tired of me. Sounds horrible; but it happens. Anyways, I do believe that we could become friends again, real close ones at that. Trust me when I say that Im over it; I deserve better. I dont deserve to be treated the way Jessica treats me; however, I do care about her and love her as a person and would love to have her around to hang out with, to call, to basically be really good friends. I really do hope we get close again.
Anyways, on a brighter note, I wanted to help coordinate Sayaw sa Bangko in PACN. Im supposed to coordinate with Chrstine and Im sure well do a good job. Sounds like a lot of fun but sounds like a lot of planning at the same time. Im sure well do fine, I plan to have Sayaw amazing this year.
I also hung out with Greta this week. I met her Baby, got a picture, and caught up on things. Well hang out again sometime soon.
I was supposed to hang out with Grace this week, but we were both a bit busy. Hopefully next weekend. I was also supposed to go to San Diego this week with Karla and her family. But it didnt work out.
Ive gotten into that game I got for Christmas two years ago called guild wars; its a lot of fun but takes up a lot of time. Nothing much to say about that. Anyways, it was a long week, hopefully this week will be just as exciting and hopefully Ill get a lot of things done. Gotta stick to my resolutions with staying in shape and dieting.
Hey, lets be friends again ok? At the very least. Lets be friends. What do you have to lose? Youll only gain something from it. You said you wouldnt leave me; please stay to your promise, you do mean a lot to me.
UGHHHH what a frustrating week!! There were a lot of ups and downs this week but overall I learned a lot…
So starting in the beginning of the week I hung out with Jaimie and Leah and we just talked about San Francisco. Its all good, it seems that we were all able to talk about all of our concerns about the trip. Overall though we had a good time just chillen. Later I got Mark some food for his practice since I havent hung out with him in awhile; really busy with b.MOD and hell week.
I had a talk with that old friend that I thought was ignoring me. Once again were cool, but its not like were constantly talking to each other ya know? I guess its all in the process of getting over one another. Its alright, I mean I do miss her, but eventually well be at the point again where were just really great friends. In the end though, Im just really glad that were cool and talking to each other again; I dont have that feeling in the back of my mind that shes mad at me.
Im beginning to watch house since our cable has been out for several months and we have the season one dvd. I like it A LOT. Its really interesting and just something that Id throw out. Our cable came back later on this week though so we have tv to watch at the apartment finally. I still am not watching a lot though, its just that I dont have that much time to do it.
I finished learning to play the say Way Back Into Love from the movie Music and Lyrics this week. Now Im beginning to learn how to play Because of You by Keith Martin. Its a lot harder that the other song; but I plan to continue to practice piano and learn more songs. For lent, I gave up myspace and AIM, I plan to add more things later but I havent really decided what yet. I mean its pretty much everything that I plan to do for my New Years resolution; maybe for lent I should just make sure that I stay on track with my resolutions.
We had volleyball on Wednesday and we won by default since the other team didnt have enough people playing. I wasnt there either though. I decided to go to Joes Sushi to celebrate Gregs Birthday. It was the best sushi Ive ever had and it was all you can eat. I swear I had so much sushi that night, I think I had like thirty plus rolls. Weve gotta eat there again sometime.
I got paid on Friday and I got a grip of clothes this week. Mostly from Urban. I definitely like the majority of their clothes. Their style is freakin awesome. SO if any of you ever plan to get me a gift certificate, get me one from Urban. Currently, this is where Im getting the majority of my clothes. Talk about brand loyalty.
I finally hung out with Ivan this week. Havent seen that guy in years. It was cool, I had a good time. We just got lunch and ended up playing guitar hero at his house; I had work later so I couldnt really stay long. Definitely gotta chill again sometime.
I hung out with Caleb last night. We just got Red Robbins with my brother and another friend named Chris. Later we went to our house and watched random movies on TV and reminisced about high school; yeah those were the days. I miss high school a lot as well, but college is a whole different story that Im definitely enjoying.
Today I went to Pasadena with the fam bam. Just got some shopping done, no big deal. I got some jeans among a few other things. Just walking around Old Pasadena brought up some old memories though… I kind of just got some pictures of what happened there before; some things that made me happy. I miss those days as well.
SO something really pissed me off this week. And I mean really pissed off. So we were supposed to find out about our roles in PACN this week; very disappointing results. Well I didnt find out about my role until we went to Erins birthday karaoke. I find that I dont even have a role; funny since I called like four or five times to get my role. So Im mad that I dont have a role even though I tried out for a main role. I learn later that there were others who didnt get a role either. So Im just thinking in my mind, sorry for the language within the next paragraph, what the fuck?! I learn LATER that people who did not even want to try out for main roles got the main roles; I got more pissed off and once again what the fuck?! The final straw was when I heard that more than half of the e-board has roles and a lot of those roles are somewhat big in the PACN… WHAT THE FUCK?! Ok Ok Ok, so here are the supposed reasons for this. The first reason is that my personality didnt fit any of the roles… OK, thats the point of acting; youre supposed to act outside of your personality and thats why there are acting directors to help you do so; so dont give me that shit that my personality doesnt fit any of the roles. NEXT the reason for some of the e-board being the big roles is because the roles were already ready for them; some of the names of the roles being pretty obvious that they were for those persons. SO if you already had a cast picked out for PACN why did you even have try outs for any of the roles? You picked your cast out because they mesh good together? BULL. PACN is supposed to bring everybody together; not people who already mesh well with each other. Its supposed to bring the whole club together. And why do the judges have big roles in the PACN? They are judges and just because they are judges does not mean that they can place themselves within certain roles; basically they are putting themselves in front of members. ONCE AGAIN you have to understand that members come first before anything. SO why do e-board members have roles but regular members dont? In addition to that, why do regular members still dont have roles while e-board has the majority of the big roles? Very upsetting. Heres a story, I felt that our tinikiling was bias last year so I gave up my position in tinikiling because I felt that members should be experiencing that role who really wanted it. You cant take away those benefits from the members; especially since youre on board. This years cast for PACN is very bias to me as well as picked out of favoritism. Remember, this is the members PACN; even though e-board was in charge of the script, the actual PACN is the members. SO once again my main concerns are why is it that the people who didnt want the main roles in the first place got the main roles; those people who did not have the passion and excitement to get it in the beginning in comparison to those who really tried and put effort into trying to get those roles? Another concern is why is it that there are members who did not get any roles, regardless of what type of role that they tried out for, and e-board members and judges got the majority of big roles? Why are the e-board members being put in front of regular members? Do you have to be in e-board to get a big role? WHY were there try outs when there was basically already set positions for actors? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HOPE that roles are not being made up just to compensate for complaints from NOT JUST ME but from members who did not get roles. Because if they are then those roles have no point in the PACN, those roles can be taken out and the PACN would be exactly the same. I have already brought up these concerns with e-board; and have offered to speak of my complaints at their next e-board meeting. I am more than willingly to bring up my concerns. I am very upset and disappointed with these past decisions; if e-board truly believes members come first, then theyll know what to do with their roles…
A note to this blog, these are just my personal observations as well as others who share the same view, there may be some people who dont agree with this; however, I find that those people are the ones who got the largest benefits from PACN without even trying.
I apologize if this blog causes harm to anybody; but my blogs are basically used to jot down my personal thoughts and thus may or may not be the actual story; it may be exaggerated or it may be exactly what happened. You can agree or disagree with this; check back a week later and maybe my views will have changed by then.
On a lighter note, Im glad were talking again…
A lot of things happened this week as well as a lot of mixed emotions. Sometimes its just easier to go down the list of things that I did this week…
Monday Mark stayed over cause he was too tired and helped me finish my project for IBM 301. I had a midterm this week for that class and ended up getting a ninety percent on it; not too bad at all. Im hoping that I get a good grade on my project; we shall see, we shall see.
On a bright note, I am getting really good results from working out; Im hearing from a lot of people that Im looking skinnier. Im not sure if I should take it as a good thing or bad thing because Im trying to look like Im getting back in shape. Im guessing its a good thing though because I am losing weight. I feel like I should go on one of those weight loss commercials with the before and after pictures haha; just kidding though, I havent gotten THAT big of results yet. But Im going to continue working on it for sure.
Wednesday we had a volleyball game. We were so close to winning! We had won our first game and lost the second game. The third game we lost again but the whole time it was neck and neck. Close game in general since the points were always switching sides. Im glad I joined volleyball again this quarter...
… Something else happened Wednesday night; but Ill get to that later, since thats probably the main thing Id like to talk about in this blog.
Thursday night we went to BJs for Pats birthday, I had a good time there. I got to chill with a lot of the older people who I havent seen in a long time. I halved a plate with Joy and for desert I halved a pazzuki with Joy and Jowee. Later that night we went to the last night at the Citrus apartment and some people got crazy drunk. I didnt stay long because I had work the next day. I heard some stories though; some crazy drama with Jowee, Joy, and Rhea. Something about a fight. Anyways, I dont know too much about it; Ill have to learn more when I actually talk to them. I didnt drink that night; I wasnt really I the mood and I was REALLY tired from midterms.
This weekend I spent it in SAN FRANCISCO. I probably would have loved it and enjoyed it much more if it werent raining and spent a few days more there. I was so tired from the drive that I couldnt really hype myself up during the Saturday we were there. I didnt get to see the main sites there and we didnt go shopping in the huge shopping centers, but we did walk around HAIGHT Street where there were a whole lot of vintage shops; it was pretty cool. I learned a lot about some Filipino History at a couple of sites, including some murals, street names, and buildings. There was a hotel party for Pat, but I heard that they got in trouble because of the noise complaints. Im glad that everybody had fun though. I didnt drink or party, I slept because I had to drive home. Still though, one thing I learned from this trip is that I probably would only live in Southern California. The weathers nice here, the atmosphere is nice here; everything in general is just so much more pleasant here to me. I would LOVE to go to San Francisco again, but with different intentions. We shall see what happens in the future. BUT after spending a fun weekend in Frisco, Ive gotten behind in all my homework.
SO super bowl weekend? I have no idea who played in it; Im honestly not into football. I was supposed to chill with Caleb this weekend at his apartment for super bowl; but obviously I didnt make it back in time to go over. Ill probably give him a call later on this week to chill when I have time. WHICH reminds me that I need to call JoJo up to hang out too. JoJo went to Vegas to celebrate Irishs birthday, I hope they had just as much fun as I did; if not more. I was also supposed to hang out with Amverlee this week, but she wasnt available. Ill try to hang out with her this week also.
Anyways Im thinking of being MIA for awhile… actually just for this month of February. Like Im not planning to log into myspace, go on AIM, or anything of that sort. Im hoping not to be tempted to hang out with everybody and all of this other stuff. TOTALLY MIA for a month. Why? I have my reasons… I dont really have the liberty to speak right now. Well see how that goes though; who knows, I may change my mind.
Alright so Wednesday night. I had a talk with an old friend; shes really cool you know? I had a huge crush on her for awhile before and we even dated… then I found her chillin with somebody new. Not that they were together or anything, I dont even think that she likes him. But when I saw them I kind of over reacted inside thinking that she found somebody… stupid me. I mean I told her everything that night and she got really upset with me. I said a lot of stupid things that I shouldnt have said. At the same time, I really couldnt control my emotions so things were being said left and right. Sorry for the lack of a better term, but jealousys a bitch. You may think that youre over somebody but find out that you actually arent. Im so not over it right now. In the process of getting through it… Its just so hard to give up at times when you think somebody is the right person for you. I had a mental breakdown that night; its one of those time when all those emotions that you hide inside come bursting out. I cant really stand it. Im so sorry for saying a whole mess of things that I shouldnt have; I really do care about her though. I hope so much that she cares about me too. Unfortunately, I havent heard from her since that night. Ive been trying to contact her; but Ive given up. She doesnt pick up my phone calls, doesnt reply to my messages; doesnt seem she wants to hear or see me. Im not really surprised; shes really tired of me. Ive already lost her as a lover; I just really hope that I dont lose her as a close friend. Honestly, all I can do is wait; Ive given up trying to get in touch with her. I just have to wait until shes ready to hear and see me again. I hope soon… I miss her.
God, Im dying on the inside… Lord help me.
So this was quite a week. I did a lot of hanging out with friends and a lot of cheating on my resolutions. UGGGH. Well, first I wasnt supposed to eat after seven thirty but these past couple of nights I ate late. I even spent more than twenty dollars on food this week. Really not good.
Well, to start off the week; I believe it was on Tuesday when I went to Hooters to hang out with Joy, Jowee, and Leo. It was cool since I saw Leos, Ermies, Anas, and Russels new apartment. Its really nice; I really like the paint job and everything. Hooters was really cool, this crazy magician guy entertained us while we were waiting for our food. And I ate a GRIP of chicken wings, we ordered fifty but Im POSITIVE that I ate the majority of the wings. Im not complaining though. I have been keeping up with my workouts and I am actually seeing a difference, but I havent stepped on the scale in a long time so Im not sure if Im going to see the difference on the scale…
Another thing with my resolutions was the so called dont step in the API for one quarter resolution. That failed miserably. Its cool though, because I think that I should just change that resolution to make sure that I get studying done in the API. Its cool because I got to see everybody again and catch up with them. BUT the main reason why I went into the API was to try out for one of the major roles in PACN. I believe that my audition went well; other than the singing of course. Im really hoping to get it though; I dont know, I just really want it. BUT if I dont get it, its alright, I mean just being in PACN is a great experience in general. However, I would be much more hyped up if I got one of the major roles of course.
Earlier this week I hung out with Kim too; we went to sushi and teriyaki where I spent even MORE money on food. Terrible, just terrible. Fun times though, fun times. We just caught up with each other and what we did over vacation and junk. I felt fat being the only one eating, but its alright, I was huuungry.
On the bad side, I had to drop my CIS class this quarter; it was just too much with the other classes that I was taking. Its like all my projects were assigned and due on all the same days. The CIS class took up the majority of my time and I wasnt able to get it. I plan on retaking the class next quarter for sure though. I could study up on the on line material that the professor posts up.
Later on in the week I drank at the Citrus apartment. Really chill though. It was just something to do since I had no class on Friday and had nothing to do on that Thursday night. I had fun in general; mostly drank with Ermie, Leo, and Pat. I had to stay the night because I didnt want to risk driving in all that rain.
I also hung out with Karla, Alyssa, and Caleb. We all totally caught up on things and it was really cool. Caleb has a really good thing going with his Job and apartment and everything. His girlfriend is cool and has a tight dog and cat. We all got crazy allergies though. I played Mario Kart 64 against Ariyan, I think thats how you spell her name… well I lost terribly. I played Boxing against her too… lost terribly again. And Im not even going to go into Bowling and tennis. UGH. Well we drank and hung out for a while then we went to meet up with some other people in Irvine. It was cool hopping around all over the place. But I still had to head back home to my apartment later on that night since I had a test the next morning…
I had to take the GWT, the graduate writing test. I met up with Jenny because she had to take it also, it was unbelievable easy. No sweat at all. As for work, they got me working almost every day this next up coming week; so I guess that means no Nor Cal for me. Vibe was today, I couldnt go because of work too. I mean its cool because now Im getting hours and recognition as an oldie. So Im enjoying work more. Im really hoping that everybody was cool at Vibe. I really wanted to watch everybody from 909 dance along with TM and Jenny on CG…
My hair is getting longer. Im liking it. I could pull off this messy look and I cant wait until it gets longer. BUT it takes a lot more time to actually do it now, so if I need to fix it really quick its not going to work out.
Among other things happened this week… I ate some potato chips; though I wasnt supposed to. It cant be helped… its just going to happen. I really like it when it happens though; for some reason, it feels like US again.
Thank you. Im sorry I didnt trust you with my gift. And now I cant wait… youre the best.
What a week…
Its been so crazy this past week. Ive been packed with school work and I feel like Im busier than ever even though Im taking a huge break from the whole Barkada thing. Im still keeping up with my resolutions for the most part; getting back in shape in particular.
Still. Ive had a rough week. I had a special talk with a friend a couple of days ago; I got really emotional. Lets just say I was able to clear a lot of things up. I learned a lot about myself. I guess. Still, I continually feel like Ive done something wrong, and Im still doing something wrong. I feel like I make all the mistakes, every problem there was; I feel like I made every problem. I can deny it as much as I want, but the feeling still comes back. Even when Im not expecting it, it tears me apart in just a few unexpecting minutes. At least I gave everything; at least I know that I could have given the whole world. I gave away my most sentimental item I own to somebody very important to me. It was really hard for me to do; but it had to be done. I feel naked without it everyday. I hope that person always takes care of it… Im almost there.
Im going to try not to think about it as much anymore. This weekend has been AWESOME so far. Talk about reunions and meeting new people. SO I heard from three old friends this week; and hung out with one of them. I hung out with Caleb and plan to hit up Ivan and Grace sometime this week when I get the chance. Its amazing how much people change in just a few years; I know my whole group has gone through changes. This past weekend I actually went to a party with some 909 people. Met some really cool cats. I had a lot of fun celebrating Irishs birthday. I drank a tad bit; good times though. Johns Incredible Pizza was fun, but the after party was even better. Karaoke, chillin, I brought my Ive Never board game. It was a chill party but still I made some new friends. The next day I headed back to Victorville and hung out with Caleb; we went to chill at Starbucks and then to Jorells party. I havent seen that guys in years either; must have been since high school. Seriously, to name some of the people Ive met and heard from this past week that I havent in years include Lynne, Caleb, Jorell, Christine, Ivan, Grace… definitely all fun though. Now that I technically should have more time, I could catch up with all of them. I still need to drop by Gretas to see the new baby; before it gets older! I had a good talk with JoJo at her party; always a cool person to hang out with.
My life is going through a lot of changes right now. Im meeting so many new people and at the same time meeting up with so many old friends. Ive missed out from these past two years; not that I regret any of it though.
Im heading in a new direction in life and Im just prepping the big news. Im not going to leave this whole Barkada life, I know theyll always be there.
I know it doesnt seem like it, but Im not happy in life right now; in fact Im very sad. It just gets harder and harder everyday for me to get up and stay focused. I need a reason to be happy; the number one reason why I was happy is now gone, in a sense.
I wish you could be my reason again. Im the reason Im still holding on, youve already let me go… what if I find somebody else? Would I be able to do it? I dont want to hurt you, but I want to be happy. Would you be hurt if I found somebody? Would it make you happy? Im still always concerned about how you think… are you even concerned about how I feel? Or is it if Im happy, youll be happy for me? I never want to hurt you again…
… something unexpected happened this weekend. NOTHING serious, just ask, and Ill tell.
This was a busy week. Once again I failed to go to Church. This time I had A LOT of studying to do. I just spent this whole day behind this computer trying to finish a presentation for my group project. Other than that all my other resolutions are going well…
Anyways, some really interesting things came up this week. I was myspaced by a couple of really old friends back in the day. Definitely gotta chill with them sometime especially if Im going to be totally MIA this quarter. Ive got a lot of catching up to do with everybody and myself. Doesnt mean that Im totally going to disappear from the whole Barkada thing; in fact Im still around at some events. I definitely want to play intramurals and I like going to other schools to meet up new people. I went to Irvine earlier this week with Barkada and ended up just chillen at Karlas apartment.
This was a sad week for me. Still reminiscing on the past I suppose; you know people always try to hide away old feelings denying it, but eventually they leak out. Happened to me this week at least. I went to Karlas Aunts 25th year anniversary; the silver years. I had a lot of fun, I got to hang out with her cousins that I havent seen in a long time. Strange thing was that I saw Ana and Russel there. I had a long heart to heart talk with Ana. I learned a lot of things from the other side and Im much more understanding of my present situation. Things are getting better though. Im not as hung up as before this year. I heard this quote from one of my friends and at first I felt that I could totally relate to it…
What hurts the most is that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, youre not even trying to keep me…
Yeah, thats a really sad quote. But thats how I felt at first. After speaking with Ana, I should understand that I did nothing wrong, maybe you dont want the world. And eventually someday youll be ready to accept it; but as for now you just dont want it. I can sit here and reminisce about so many things but its constantly holding me back.
I actually learned A LOT at the anniversary. I mean not only did I learn that we could possibly ask them to help out with PACN [Their cultural dances were AWESOME] but life lessons. 25 years is a long time. Thats longer than Ive lived. How do you stay with somebody that long? I heard trust a lot, I heard patience a lot, I heard understanding a lot, but one interesting one was that you should never go to bed being mad or angry at your significant other. That is one of the greatest advices Ive ever heard of. Im definitely going to use that in the future haha.
You know, I shouldnt be scared, but at the same time I am. There are so many risks. But life is about taking risks right? Not yet though. Most definitely not yet…
Another thing, I find myself getting jealous a lot. I shouldnt be though; there will always be a space for me in their heart. I should always remember that. Nobody can take that place. I would be more mad and jealous if I were replaced by someone exactly like me rather than somebody different.
On a different note, Im trying to grow my hair out. I have this really cool look that Im trying to pull off. But its going to take awhile for my hair to grow in. Im in that ugly phase right now where there isnt much that you could do with your hair.
Im not trying to stay away from you
Happy New Year! First week of the New Year and I plan to change myself. Ive gone through a lot this year and Ive learned a lot about myself as well. Ill dont regret anything that has happened this past year. This past year was probably the greatest year of my life; I can honestly say that. I may not have ended the year with the great feelings that started me last year, but I plan on starting new with the new year. New Year, new me. If youre reading this now, good job; you should know that I plan on writing in my blog every Sunday night. I have several New Years resolutions planned out for this year. Of course theres the usual become healthier, more self conscious, get back to church, and get in better shape resolutions; but I do have others in mind. FIRST I would love to spend less than twenty dollars a week on food not counting groceries; HUGE money saver. Next I would like to attempt to make a new friend every week. Increase my social skills ya know?
I spent this year with wonderful people, too many people to name out. Im sure if you read the blogs from before you know who Im talking about. A lot more people have learned about me and my life, others have yet to find out. This year is about change for me. It may take only a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even the whole year; regardless, this year is about change for me. Changing myself for the better. Its about time I mature a little. Ill be taking a break from Barkada for a little while; for real this time. And Im most definitely not going to step into the API this quarter, at least try not to. Its too much of a distraction from my studying. No more procrastination either; thats not only going toward my studies. Its also towards my lifestyle. GET THINGS DONE. I want to be on top of things.
This past week was a good week for the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I did miss church today; though I was planning to start off the year by trying my best to go to Church weekly. BUT today I was planning to go, we had a family get together today for lunch so I couldnt make it. Tomorrow Im beginning my intense work outs. Im still practicing every night. This year is going to be good. I didnt want to start off the year with the same feelings that I had ending last year. So if I had a glass in my hand I would say CHEERS to the new year! And thank you to everyone who made last year absolutely memorable. You all should know who you are…
I love you.
Hello world! I know, its been a long time since I wrote in this once again. Yeah, well, things have been awesome with me this past quarter. School wasnt too bad, I mean, it really kicked my butt towards the end. PACN was cool too, I had a small part but it was really nice having the whole entire bonding experience again with everybody. There was an after party, and I got messed up. Sorry to say, but I had maybe 18 shots that night. I knocked out in the car WITHOUT the keys in my hand, so that was a good one, I guess. Then there was also banquet this year. That was A LOT of fun. I won seriously like 5 awards, even though everybody thinks that I rigged it haha. No but really, the theme was disco and I had this whole entire get up ready for it, I forgot my shoes!! But Joel had an extra pair of black shoes that I borrowed. I was actually really sad that night, it was our last night as an E-board team. The new board was being passed on. So thus it was the end of Babe-E-board. It was a great year and Ill never forget everything weve gone through with each other. The good times, the bad times, and always sticking it out with each other. I am really sad that we arent going to be seeing each other as often now, but we still have our R and R retreat! Thats going to be a lot of fun. Still though, its a little different now that we dont see each other every week. Its alright though, Im sure that we will soon get used to it. Too many memories. Congratulations to the new board! They are going to have a great year! Now vacation has started, Im most definitely going to try my best to help out the new board. As well as relax and spend some large amounts of missed time with my inner circle. Its been too long. My family is seriously pressuring me to get a job, and I do want one. Ive already had an interview with Hollister but it doesnt seem like Im going to get the job, Ill look for another job someplace else then. But yes, things have been pretty awesome with me. There are thousands of other things that I want to say, but I cant mention or Ive forgotten. Most likely though I cant mention as of now. Its good things though, really good things.
Sorry for all the late posts, I hardly ever post any blogs now. Things are going GREAT for me! Im so happy right now and am usually in a good mood. Ive got a lot of school work granted, but that is the usual thing. Barkada is working me like crazy again, its all good though. PACN is coming up again this season and I got a really important monologue. Im pretty confident with it, except that I need an accent with it! Its going to be wierd. Haha, but I can keep working on it, Ill be fine. The year is almost over for me on E-Board. Somewhat excited but somewhat sad as well. Excited that I wont have as much work anymore and I can finally get a job to earn money, but not so excited that Im not going to be able to hang around with 13 of my favorite people. Life goes on and Ill still keep in touch with them. We did an awesome job this year and were going to end the year strong! Ill keep you guys updated with what Im doing, but as of now its just late night PACN practices and school. Im going to udpate my myspace soon, in fact, Ive already updated some of it ;-]. Check it out if youre bored and see if you can find out where I updated it. Ill keep in touch!
Things are better than ever.
Life is good.
Word man. However, life is busy. Things are most definitely picking up. Better with friends, better with family, better with situations, better with school, better with stress, better with everything. No problems, but life is still busy. STRESS is over with Sportsfest, but things are coming up fast right after! Have a lot of things to do with PACN coming up. I have a lot of practice every night and a lot of homework along with that. But things are going great with me. So as for that last blog, dont worry. Im sure that Life is Good. Make life how you want it to be. You want it to be good, let it be known. Happiness is only for those who try to reach it. There are those who are willing to help too. Thank you to them. Stay strong my friends.
**EDIT, this post was made at night
Its funny, as the day moves on, I feel SO much better. I guess, feelings over react when things seem down. At the end of the day, things seem much better.
Im planning to take twenty units this quarter by the way. Yeah. Im ok. Time to get busy once again!
**EDIT, this post was made in the afternoon
Well, it seems that when things start out as going up; sooner or later things begin to go down. Happy about somethings, not so happy about others. So I got straight As this quarter. Rock on! I can check that off of things to do from my new years resolution. Im really happy about other things too; things that cant be spoken.
But it seems that there are more things that are bringing be down than bringing me up. That house that I was supposed to move into since last year doesnt seem to be happening anytime soon. Im stuck. I dont know where to go. Maybe I should just sleep in the car… whatever. And then that whole family thing. Like I said, it SUCKS. Always bringing me down. Always. I dont seem to be very close to my siblings or my parents. I guess two siblings are bound to be more closer than another. Thats how it works I guess. And so I stayed with my Mom while she went to work at Sherman Oaks. I thought it would be cool; bounding time you know? For some reason it felt awkward for me. Im sure my brother and sister could do it anytime without a problem. I should feel happy when I see my family, I should feel relieved; but lately for some reason it just feels awkward. And then they dont understand how much work I do. All I do is work hard to impress them and all they could do is ask me to work harder because things arent always going to be easy for me. First, things are NEVER easy for me. Second, how could I do more work? Ive worked already so hard as it is and I barely have the energy to drive. I cant sleep. Theres no time for that! And Im in uncomfortable conditions when I do have time! So I have to work harder? Get a job? Is it that hard for them to see that Im working hard? So Im not getting money out of it; doesnt mean that Im not working hard. I cant stand it sometimes. I guess thats why Ive been getting annoyed lately. Because they dont understand how much Im working and they expect me to do more.
Things are going ok for me right now. Not the best. Just ok. I have only one place where Im relieved and relaxed and excited to go to. And even there Im the only one messing up. But thats my only source of happiness right now; and its the most important thing that I have. The thing that I love the most. I hope I stop messing up. But I know it will always be there; no matter what. Lets hope that things pick up within the next couple of weeks. Ill try to work harder.
Buttercups and Potato Chips.
Updated. Newer. Fresher. Better. Stronger. Juicier. Smarter. Greater. HEARTer.
Wow, so I know that Im way behind with posting blogs. Its just that Ive been so busy with everything lately that I havent had the time to place everything down! Well, a lot has happened these past couple of months since December.
School Started! Im hoping for that 4.0. I dont think that Im going to get a 4.0, but I am hoping for straight As because Ill be happy with that too. Things are going ok with that goal right now. I have As for sure in three out of five classes. Lets hope that things pick up in the end!
Barkada is freaking crazy right now. Its taking over my life and is taking over me. I have so many things do with the club right now that I hardly have any time to think! I know that there are some other board members who are just as much, if not, more stressed than me right now. All I can do is continue working and hope that things turn out fine in the end! Things are going ok with it, more and more things just keep coming up though. Everything will be fine in the end hopfully.
Friends and family are going well. Im spending more time with friends than family which may or may not be a good thing. I mean, Im having fun, but than again Im losing more time with family. Im hardly home on the weekends and come home really late during the weekdays. Im moving in to my new townhouse soon, Im sure that it is going to be a great experience! I got to hang out with the inner circle a few days ago. There are several parties that weve gone to with each other. But yes, friends are going pretty well as of now.
Anyways, Im not going to go in depth with everything that Ive been doing these past weeks, just know that I am UNBELIEVABLY happy right now. Things could not be better than how they are now! Hopefully they will stay that way. Ill try to keep you guys updated on my life, but right now, Ive got some thing s to do. Lets see if I will be able to update this later!
Dear Readers,
This may in fact be my last blog of the year. Im just going to have a small recap of what has happened this year of 2006 and my thoughts of it.
It was my first year of college. It was great. It was fun. It was stressful. It was sad. It was happy. It was crushes. It was heartbreaks. It was cultural. It was Barkada. It was religious. It was faithful. It was experiences. It was new. It was old. It was Incredibles. It was Inner Circles. It was love. It was hate. It was reminiscent. It was missing. It was forward. It was backward. It was APITG. It was poetry. It was spoken word. It was nervousness. It was relaxation. It was comforting. It was emo. It was no meat. It was no myspace. It was all myspace. It was musical. It was wishful. It was full of sleep. It was absolutely no sleep. It was all nighters. It was BNP. It was commuting. It was awkward. It was athletic. It was lazy. It was repetitious. It was performances. It was fake. It was true. It was PCN. It was guilty. It was disappointment. It was proud. It was dance. It was E-Board. It was Banquet. It was soul searching. It was philosophical. It was enlightening. It was retreat. It was prom three. It was expressive. It was withdrawals. It was rewarding. It was beach trips. It was about counsel. It was about nominations. It was about freshmen. It was about dress. It was about pointless arguments. It was caught in the middle. It was priorities. It was optimism. It was pessimism. It was volleyball. It was sportsfest. It was family. It was lessons. It was summer. It was no time. It was trust. It was awesome. It was complicated. It was simple. It was hopeless. It was birthdays. It was coincidences. It was serendipity. It was Tagalog. It was buzzing. It was drunkards. It was knockouts. It was quitting. It was starting. It was ending. It was friendship. It was winning. It was sinning. It was losing. It was Ading. It was clubbing. It was snowboarding. It was chilling. It was hiding. It was finding. It was sexy. It was ugly. It was Mah Jongg. It was karma. It was Vegas. It was workful. It was free. It was changing. It was staying the same. It was Die Hard. It was interesting. It was parties. It was love...
... it was love.
I thought that this year was awesome. I kind of made this blog extremely fast because I dont feel like putting everything down because it would take a long time. Whatever. If you are really interested in my life, you would have read up to this point now eh? This year, by far, has most definitely been one of the best years of my life. Its really shell breaking, social, and extreme. I like it. I love it. Ill never forget it. Heads up for the new year! Its not over. Ive still got my secret santa to do tomorrow and new years eve is coming up! There will be many surprises as well.
Resolution: I have six goals this year: To get back in shape, get a 4.0 at least in one quarter, become more musically experienced, *heart heart*, get a job or internship, and one last one that will be a secret[as well as the most difficult and important one].
I just wanted to say that my New Years Resolution came true. =) IF you can remember what it was. This was most definitely a great first year of college and a great beginning for my second year of college. I know Ive still got plenty of time to recap on what has happened this year, in fact, my next blog is probably only going to be on reminiscing about what has happened this year.
Anyways, just to jot down what has happened in this past week, I got to hang out with the inner circle. YES! We went ice skating and it was A LOT of fun. I recorded other people falling and I broke other peoples chains just for fun. My vacation is SO chill, Im getting a lot of rest and relaxation and it feels great! Though something is missing...
I reformatted my computer and its VERY FAST now. I got all the classes I need and Im shooting for the 4.0. YES! I really want it after I did horrible this quarter. I need to raise my overall GPA. But right now school is being very nice to me as Im very fortunate to have gained those classes that were full.
I still have a lot of plans until school starts. We still have our usual traditions coming up like Secret Santa and looking for the best Christmas lights. I got invited to Christals birthday party this Saturday, Ill see if I can go... Its Sammys birthday in approximately fifteen minutes. Were planning to go snowboarding and more. Greta and I really have to hang out sometime soon since we hardly get to hang out at all. I got to hang out with the Incredibles for a little bit when they were over. Dont worry, Ive been doing at least one SMALL thing a day. Usually it just involves going over Karlas house for FIVE minutes or just doing some errands. Not to mention all the things that were doing with the family. Were planning to officially get a townhouse/apartment/condo on the 27th and the move in time will probably be a month or so. This year is coming to an end quickly. This year is definitely a good one, but I anticipate an even better one next year =) Ill let you know of my new years resolution for 2007 in my next blog.
I am now happy. I am now comforted. I am now great. I am now good. I am now relaxed... I am now HAPPY.
SCHOOL IS OVER!!
... I am also scared, but you know, I did get FIFTEEN hours rest; Go figure!
School isnt the only thing either =)
Story:
I pulled an all nighter last week on Thursday night. No sleep there. On Friday was the Christmas Party at the PR house; that lasted late but I went home early; still, I stayed up late packing and yet again got no sleep since I had to wake up really early. Ski trip was this whole weekend so obviously on both days, I had no sleep.
The funny part is when I slept Monday night, my Dad called me and said WAKE UP JARED! Youve been sleeping all day! And I got MAD because there was no sun out and when I checked the clock it was 5:00 and shouted back saying DAD! Its 5:00 in the morning!! And my Dad responded by shouting JARED! Its 5:00 in the AFTERNOON! And I was just thinking Oh my God... I cant believe that I slept for 15 hours. Ive never done that before; and even more embarassing for the whole entire day of Dec 12th, I didnt see any sun at all. Its like, where did the day go?
[sigh]
I truly am a horrible person to cause such harm to so many people...
... and karma seems to attack me...
[possibly more details later]
