A birthday wish I d

A birthday wish. I dont know what I want for my birthday, in fact Im pretty sure that there isnt anything material that I could want. But after some thought, an obvious answer came to what I want for my birthday...

...

... it sounds kind of hopeless and sounds kind of pathetic. But its what I want. Maybe I know already, maybe I dont. Either way, please stop playing, stop making me jealous, unless something is going to start; though I know there is nothing. If not that, then at least Im praying and wishing for something new. Im ready for something new, or even something old.

Its all too simple, and its the simple things in my life that I appreciate most; but everything is so complicated.

... Hintayin mo ako...
Sorry if worded incorrectly.

Ran out of time. I know Ive probably made a blog or two about time and how we dont have a lot of it; but here is another one. Time is very limited and short; for those who have extra time on their hands, you are very fortunate. Sometimes when you find time to have fun, others seem to run out of it. Thats how I feel now. I found a small glimpse of time to hang out with my good ol buddies, but now theyve started school. Time is precious and try to use every second that youve got. Try to make it so that you dont have extra time and that you would make time if somebody needs it. You know what I mean? Ive come to the conclusion that stress is the opposite of time. If you have time, you dont have stress; however, the less time you get the more stress you get. I say deal with the stress so that youve utilized your time doing something productive. The main point of this right now is that make sure that you make time. Make time for some friends and family and sacrifice from other things. I had to give up time from the carwash and spend time with the family and friends. Spread out the time you have and put most of it into your priorities.

Make time for those who need it but spend time with those who deserve it...

Trust Issues

Trust issues.  Many people have trouble trusting people because of how they were brought up to be; such as myself.  People feel that its best that they put up a front or act how people want them to act just for the factor that it would make other people feel better.  I know thats how Ive always felt.  Change is a hard thing as well as trusting people especially if you dont want people worrying about you.  The thing is, in order to move on, you must trust people.  I for one have to begin trusting more people, my friends.  Ive only really trusted a selected few individuals who mean the world to me.  But that will soon change.

Know that the people who want you to trust them really care for you and would feel much better knowing than not.  Even if youve done something that hurts the other people, if they really want you to trust them, than what you tell them wont worsen your relationship with them, it would only make it better.  You believe that you are creating a bond by putting up a front; in reality you are only creating a fake relationship.  True friendship, true love, and true relationships need trust, support, and truthfulness.  Otherwise, there is no point.

As a personal note, I would like to apologize to everybody that think they know me that Im sorry for putting up a front and being the way that would most likely fit your needs.  Know that I am beginning to trust more people and that Im going to allow more people to know of my faults and errors.  I am human.  Speaking to God is one way great way to solve your problems; but there are times when I need more of a concrete counsel.  God will always be my first solution; however, there will be more times when I could count on new trusted friends for advice.

Get ready to know me, the real me.

Stronger Than

So I heard this really cool song by Gabe Bondoc. Its called Stronger Than. I cant seem to stop listening to it. To me this is what it means:

Basically, youll never know when it hits you; at least when you find her. Or maybe you already know her, you just keep denying your feelings. Youre what ifs and what nots are not going to impress her. Dont deny how you feel and just accept it. If you like a person then face the truth, you like that person whether you are already seeing somebody or that person is already seeing somebody. You cant deny it. If that person you like is not feeling the exact way you feel if not better than you do for her than she does for him, then she deserves better. She deservers better; she deserves you. Switch it around now. If you are already seeing somebody, if you dont have the same feelings if not better feelings than the way you feel for her than you feel for the one youre seeing, then you deserve better, you deserve her. Unfortunately, in situations like these, you have a decision to make. Somebodys heart is going to have to be broken; yours, hers, or his. This is how I feel to an extent. The words of the chorus keep ringing through my mind:

I swear Im stronger than these emotions, but theyre taking over me

Just remember what you deserve, if not what you deserve, remember what she deserves. If you honestly believe she deserves better or if you honestly believe that you deserve better, then she deserves you and you deserve her.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

Forms of expression. Ive been really emotional on the inside lately. Nobody knows as usual. This very small form of depression is taking its toll on me. Im getting chubby. Thats just one of the few things... but not anymore. Forms of expression have come to me. Pick up from where you left off. Its one thing to bottle up feelings, emotions, and love; but its another story when you deny it. Forms of expression. Im getting back to my expressions. Still, people wont know of my issues, but Im letting things out personally. Let my anger flow within my workouts, turn that fat into muscle! Most of all, I wrote a few things a while back, and they were so sad... so it made me feel worse on the inside. But I have a new idea for a song. Its a bit more uplifting and resolving. And it makes me feel good on the inside because it is in fact how I feel about many things. Its called Even If. Basically, its a story for all the nice guys that would do anything for somebody they love even if they don't love them back. Sad? No. Hes okay with it and hes saying even if you dont love me, Ill walk with you by and by... Like all my deep inner thoughts, youll probably never hear of it. Maybe Ill post the lyrics later... Forms of expression; let it out.

Oh God, thanks for helping me out once again, I could only wish that I could help you the same way, but nothing I could do could ever repay the amount of love and sacrifice you have given me... and I still go against your word regretful and sorrowful every time. When will I learn? When will I learn...

Recap

You know, it doesnt matter if the day was bad or if the day was good, as long as the day was spent.  Washington DC was alright, I mean it was a good use of my time.  The weather was horrible and even though we all felt horrible throughout the whole day, it felt great to spend some time with the family.  I just have to say that spending time with family is one of the many things that I dont get to do as often as I want to do anymore.  Makes you wish you could have done more in the past.

Apparently my Lolo had financial problems and had to sell their house that I was staying in.  Ill have to commute to Cal Poly everyday which is going to be very hard.  Im sure Ill be able to handle all the driving to a certain extent.  Theres going to be a point when Im going to crack!  Im looking for an apartment to stay at; more preferably at a friends place.  Im not sure what Im going to do, all I know is that hopefully things will turn out good in the end.  Ill keep praying!

I really miss my friends.  I havent been able to hang around them as much as I want to because Im stuck doing a lot of work.  Summer school is over and my summer has officially started yet I dont have a lot of time to celebrate with my friends.  I need to find time, I need to make time.  A reunion is desperately needed right now because its literally been months since the last time I hung out with some of them.  I just want to be with the inner circle, nobody else.

God, take these feelings away, they never were meant to be.  Or were they?  Just take it away please, every time I look; it breaks me.  One day, Ill have my own... one day.

Invisible

... Jared, youre here, but youre not here...
... Jared, youre hardly around anymore...
... Jared, we dont see you that much nowadays...
... Jared, its about time we got to hang out...

Too many people have been saying the same thing to me.  Time is a very important thing that everybody needs.  God knows I need time.  Along with time are your priorities, set your priorities straight.  Every once in awhile, time and your priorities get mixed up and there is not enough time to get to all your priorities and you CANT make time.  From personal experience, Ive already cut about two hours of sleep a night out so I have more time to do work on things.  I miss my friends because I havent been able to hang out with them as much.  Barkada E-Board has taken up every Saturday that I have had free for awhile.  Friends always come first and before Barkada; however, Ive been concentrating more on Barkada because my friends will ALWAYS be there and they dont mind if I cant make it to an event.  On the other hand, Barkada is much more demanding and strict.  In any case, friends are still higher on the priorities list.

My main point is that you need to keep your priorities straight as well as keeping your time ready.  I have no time, I am a very busy person now.  There are some friends that I really miss and if I could hang out with them at 1:30 in the morning right now, Id definitely be willing to sacrifice my sleep.

... I miss the parties, I miss the hang outs, and I miss all that fun... but most of all, I miss that warm feeling of home and my own bed to sleep in...

Optimism

Sheer optimism.  Just look on the bright side of things.  There is always an upside to everything.  Just be glad.  But dont be too optimistic.  I am sure that a good number of you dont agree with all the ideals that I have, and even some of the things that I say contradict each other.  Im still learning.  Im sure many of you are still learning as well.  So Ill try to leave optimistically even though there are many negatives.  Everythings cool, next time!  Hopefully there will be a next time.  Lets things optimistically.  Id really like that.  Make the best of what things are right now, dont make the worst of things.  Cause that would be POINTLESS.  Unless there are some exceptions....

Lets think optimistically *wink wink*

Demolished

Youre a good friend Jared... BUT, I want you to be happy...

But am I?  I constantly ask the same question over and over again... I say Im happy, and I think I am, but Im not sure.  I always have second thoughts about the things I do.  Nobody wants people to step all over me.  I do have my standards that prevent people from stepping all over me, but usually I let people have it their way.  WHY?  I do it because I am afraid of disappointment, dissatisfaction, anything negative on the other side.  I rather take all the crap and put it on my side for them.  So, I really arent always happy with the decisions that I make.  EVEN though its the right thing to do, Im not always happy with it.  Or is it the right thing to do?  There are so many arguments and sides to whether it is right or not.  Theres a reason for everything.  And shouldnt I be happy for doing the right thing?  Unless Im doing the wrong thing.  These are just the few things of many things that Im lost with.  Why do it for humility?  Why always put your so called happiness on the side?  Humility is a virtue, simply stated.  Thats what Ive believed for a long time, and will most likely will continue to do so.  Even for future reference Im probably going to do the same thing over and over again.  Things that kill me:  Disappointment and guilt..

I never want people to feel disappointed in me and I hate having the feeling of guilt for doing something do others...

Burn it

Feeling burnt out? I know I am... lets start this lesson...

Just keep things on track. Theres always time for rest but try to keep it at a minimum. I only allow myself eight hours a night even if I was late the night before. Eight hours is more than enough sleep to get you through the day. Keep working on school and make sure that you dont procrastinate even though everybody does. Keep priorities straight, as long as you continue to do that, things will remain in shape. If you havent noticed, it is only when your priorities arent on par is when things go all wrong. My priorities are not in shape right now, Im putting too many things in front of school, more on the lines of free time. Keep your priorities straight, school may not be number one or even close to your priorities, but whatever they are, keep them on top and keep working at it! Otherwise, youll end up like me stressing the night before a HUGE project is due. Im kind of sad thought right now, I have no love interest at the moment. When I made the straw cover into the knot, I had no idea of what girl to think about... cause I had none, its been awhile since I had no interest in any girl, maybe the new freshman? But thats not important, remember, its things like that that make your priorities all crooked.

... if you fill up the jar with too much sand, there wont be enough room for the golf balls...

Never Stand Still

If youve noticed, my blogs have taken a turn to lessons rather than personal experiences.  I like the confidentiality of it this way while still providing lessons that I want people to learn =)

Get back in shape and stop sitting around!  Its summer, have a blast!  Seriously, theres no need to sit down and be sad and theres no reason to do nothing.  Get back into shape.  Go out and run!  Go out and swim!  Go to the beach and have a good time.  Try not to worry too much with all the drama.  The drama is there granted, but dont waste your summer thinking about it.  Sit back and relax, enjoy what time you have.  Im not worrying about girls right now and Im not worrying about drama, technically Im worrying about school.  Which leads to several important points.  Remember to keep your priorities straight.  Put things in the front before you worry about something.  That being said, get back in shape and stop laying around doing nothing.  Your getting fat.  Im getting fat.  Which is why Im getting back into shape.  Enjoy your summer, it is very short.  Especially you seniors.  My last summer as a senior was definitely memorable and Im making every summer memorable for now on.  Try your best to make every moment memorable.  Make videos, pictures, albums, etc.  whatever it takes to keep the memories.  I love making videos (Im in the process of creating a summer video).  Find a hobby and do it.  Whether its something musical (like what I enjoy doing on my free time) or simple.  Just keep going and doing something productive.  Always be productive.

That being said, go out and have fun!  Happy 4th of July.

DMX

So I read this really cool quote that got me thinking the other day, it went as follows:  If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, its yours.  If it doesnt, it never was.  A quote by DMX.  Shall I explain my two cents upon this topic?

There are many things that you may find to like or maybe even love in this world.  But as DMX said, try and let it go.  IF that thing that you love truly has the same feelings back to you, then that thing will come back.  Now I know that many of you may be thinking that this one thing is a girl or a significant other, but dont always think that way.  This thing could be anything.  But just for the sake of confusion, lets pretend that this one thing is in fact a significant other.  The hardest thing is letting go, and its true.  If you have a hard time letting go of that one special someone you may like because of so many coincidences in personality or happenings, then its of no surprise.  As I said in a speech a few days ago, just let it go.  Can you do it?  If it comes back, then its YOURS.  Sure, youll be sad if she doesnt come back but be happy that she is going after something that she loves and unfortunately it wont be you.  Its the hardest thing, ACCEPTANCE. Accept defeat and accept your losses.  Theres not much to evaluate on this quote, its pretty much self explanatory.  I just found it very interesting and useful with the many mishaps Ive had in life... it answered me so to speak...

Ive let go of many things in life that I didnt want to, and unfortunately none of them came back.  Hopefully in the future I will find something that will...

Stay Strong

Spend each day as if its your last.  Cause it just might be.  Really though.  Go out as much as you can, spend each minute you can with someone, become really intimate with the close friends that you have.  Life is short, sometimes shorter than expected.  Lifes unfair, but fairness is absolutely boring.  BE UNFAIR.  Give more than you take until you have nothing.  Once youve given it all just let it go.  Forget the bad times and regret every minute.  Live a life of no regrets?  I live a life full of regret.  I regret not learning this, I regret not saying that, I regret not doing this so now Im going to go do it!  DO IT.  Always regret cause if you dont you are finished.  I dont regret doing [x] cause I never would have been able to do [y] if I did [x].  Well couldnt you have done more for [y]?  DO MORE.  Youve never done ENOUGH.  Never be content.  Always be excited!  Be anxious.  Make fun.  Never stand still.  Be afraid.  Be brave.  Lose with effort and win without pride but acknowledge your mistakes.  Live life to the fullest, live life with regrets, live life under pressure, and live life under limits and standards.  Keep your moral fiber strong and never let it break.  Go now and live life like theres not tomorrow full of regret, full of standards, and full of moral fiber.  Stay strong my friends...

... be humiliated and truly sorry for everything you have and havnt done...

Soak up the sun

Wow.  Today was our first E-Board meeting.  Good stuff.  Im really excited for this years board.  We are going to have a great year!  Hopefully we will be able to meet the expectations of last year and possibly exceed them.  I know we can do it.  Ive got my work cut out for me along with the rest of the board.  My summer is pretty much complete taken up.  I mean, theres definitely going to be a lot of fun with Barkada, but I dont want to be completely left out of my old buddies you know?  I really want to spend time with my Incredibles and Inner Circle.  I guess whatever time I can find Im going to use it spending time with them.  Ive got summer school and that doesnt take up too much time, I just have to make sure that I dont procrastinate on my work.  The work at VVC is really easy though.  Its a huge relief compared to Cal Poly.  This summer is going to be really exciting!  Everything seems to be going by so fast.  A lot of my summer has been spent doing so many things, no time to relax always busy doing something.  Then again, thats just how I like it.  My cousin Nicolle graduated!  Wooo congratulations!  We have several grad parties to go to this summer too =).  I love summer and the beach!

Late Night Convos

Jared, its a little unfair.  I really think you should reconsider your own feelings before putting others in front of you... for as long as Ive known you, youve been doing this and I dunno... sometimes I cant believe and I dont understand why you do the things you do for them.  You give up your own hopes to bring light to others... why?  If it makes you feel this way... why?

It was a conversation something like that.  Maybe not word for word, but it was something like that.  Truth is, I dont know why I do that.  I cant seem to be able to do something that I want to do if it causes harm to somebody else regardless of my feelings.  Its not peer pressure because I have a strong resistance to some things.  But I try, I really do, I go after my own passions but if I see that it hurts somebody else Ill give up cause it just doesnt feel right.  I want to be able to be a [        ], I want to be able to [       ], I want [       ], but I refuse to allow myself to even if I can get what I want... why?  (Ive left those blank because I dont know what to place in there except in some cases I do know but shall remain in secret...)  Cause in almost every case, it bothers somebody else, and I CANT STAND that.  Guilt hurts me just as much as disappointment whether its from my family, my friends, or even my so called enemies.

Its all about YOU Jared, its all ABOUT YOU and nobody else...

Yet another conversation with another friend.  I thought that I could grasp that concept.  He asked me what is the one thing that you want? It took me a long time to answer... and I gave whatever came up at the top of my mind, I said that I wanted to go to Heaven when my life is over... I want my golden ticket.  Thats what I want in the end... but I didnt know what I wanted right now... and to tell you the truth, I still dont.  And theres just no way it could be all about me... cause how could I expect to leave an impression on everybody if its all about me?  If its all about me, where does everybody else fit in?  I dunno... I want to go after my own dreams, but sometimes I just have to give it all up... cause I will always believe that its all about you and NEVER about me...  Im too selfish.  Im sorry bro, I dont think that I can ever truly grasp that concept of yours...

Banquet

The beach was great.  I was so excited to go since its been a long time since I went to the beach.  I think it was the first time this year I went to the beach!  Crazy!  I missed it a lot though.  I missed all the BBQs, the bonfires, the smores, the ocean in general, the talks, etc etc.  Im going again on Monday with The Incredibles so its going to be a blast since we always make the best of it.

So I start summer school on June 19.  I was only able to get two classes though because the transfer credits arent that good with VVC to Cal Poly.  Its alright though... Im just going to have to make it up sometime in my years of college.  Summers going to be fun!  I can feel it.  Ive got a good number of plans for summer already with friends, family, and Barkada.  And speaking of Barkada...

... banquet was fun!  I really had a good time.  I wasnt going crazy though, I was acting real chill.  My date was cool, and I won some really cool votes!  The food was alright... it was like one of those fancy restaurant servings where they give you like a quarter of what you really want for four times the price that its really worth(dont worry though, the food at banquet was free!).  I won best dressed for boys, Im not too sure how that happened when I just go to school with a shirt and pants... or do I?  =P.  Jowee won for girls.  I also won freshman of the year.  Wow!  Along with Lyssa.  Aww, Im not going to see her for the rest of summer maybe.  So, then we had E-board positions announced.  I won for external rep.  NICE!  So, thirteen positions are as follows:

1. Historian: Vince


2. External: Me


3. MCC: Pat


4. BEC: Dom


5. Treas: Rhea


6. PR: Anne


7. Academics: Erin


8. Cultrual: Leo


9. Social: Jowee


10. Sports: Perry


11. Sec: Joy


12. Vice: Ana


13. Pres: Mike

Sex-E-Board gave birth to BABE-E-BOARD!!  I took Christal home cause I didnt want her to go to the after party.  I went there for half an hour and took my water shot cause I had to drive home... not that I do drink.  Never been drunk so its cool!  Im not ready to be... I left at 2:00 and got home around 3:00.  Weve got some planning to do E-board.  But its going to be a great year... I feel it.

Chad gave me his word.  Haha.  Well, to a well year!  It was fun.  Im the youngest E-board member... but dont count me out!  Im going to bring some great things to this family.

Blue Book

Argument for the blue book:

Well, there seems to be a bit of controversy about this so called mistake. So I will explain to you why I am CORRECT in claiming that this image is in fact a BLUE BOOK.

The argument is based on the following premises:

1) Its not blue
2) Its not a book

Now here is my claim for believing that it is in fact a blue book.

The first premise is that:

1) It's not blue

Well, there is some blue in it, it may not be completely blue, but I would agree that there is some blue. As it does take the two primary colors to make that color, blue being one of them and yellow being the other. But seeing that it could be arguable, I could let that slide with me being 50% accurate...

The second premise is that:

2) It's not a book

WELL, I think I win this one 100%. If you look at the picture, you don't even have to look at it closely, it says in big bold letters [Mini Essay BOOK.] Now I may be wrong, but I think that that evidence is a very reliable reason to believe that it is in fact a book.

So in conclusion, if we add both of these percentages together, I was 75% accurate, since both of these premises make up half of the overall accuracy and I was 50% accurate on the first premise and 100% correct on the second, averaging them out makes me 75% accurate. Now I may be wrong again, but I won the higher half of being correct than incorrect and because you can only be correct or incorrect, I was CORRECT in saying that that is in fact a blue book. If you have any questions feel free to call 1-760(yes Victorville)-IAM-RIGHT =). Good day.

PEACE & Love

Whisper

I cant do it. I cant take [it] away from [him]. [He] adores [it], and I would be the worst person in the world to steal [it] away... even though I want [it] too, but Im undeserving. I better just let [it] go...

[For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.] I guess that goes with [it] as well. To gain [it], one must lose [it]...

God, please provide me with the graces to let go, even though I dont want to... please, I cant do it... please, break my heart... for them... because Ive made a mistake not knowing the whole situation... but at least whisper for me if you can...

Replay: Whisper Ernie Halter

-Tell me, what kind of man, lets love slip away and leave such a good thing behind?

[hint] think high school...

Switch it on off

I find it depressing.  One week it’s as if we like each other unable to let go; while the next it’s just like “whatever.”  I keep telling myself, “maybe if I keep waiting, the chance will happen,” even though they all tell me, “sorry Jared, as of now you don’t have a chance…” All the while I’m waiting, I’ve passed up chances; but I’m so typical, so stubborn, and so shallow… too many opportunities arise that I pass.  And now, I took a chance even though I’m waiting.  A while back a friend made a prediction of my future of how I would meet my “dream,” and strange as it was I’m in a situation like that now.  I took a chance, a crazy one.  I’m tired of waiting, I’m falling asleep as I grasp the light switch.  Should I put my hopes in dreams and awake to new ones or continue waiting until the door opens?  I think it’s best that I turn out the lights; but I still hesitate to switch it on off…

On a side note: prom was fun.

PACiN'

PACN was quite the experience.  Built better bonds, worked under stress, and provided a voice to the community.  It felt great to go out there and do it!  The feeling was like a long adrenaline rush the whole time!  My heart was pumping the whole time, that’s even how I woke up!  I’ll never forget all the practices we did and all the hard work that we all had to do to achieve this PACN.  To me, this was the most heartfelt and strong PACN regardless of other people’s thoughts because to me, it made my family, friends, and my loved ones proud of all the work we all went through.  We all worked as a family to do this, and that is exactly what we are; ohana.  And as one of my truly inspiring friends said who actually provided me with counsel: “The hardest things in life get the greatest rewards” and we all worked hard for this and the reward was absolutely amazing.  Thanks for the talk; I hardly do those kind of things.  May God’s graces go within this new family.