Alright so its been a long week; sorry that this blog is late also. I just relaxed this whole weekend and forgot that we didnt have school on Monday.
So we had our Accounting Midterm on Monday; Im hoping that I did good. I didnt really have any questions on it except for one problem, but my cheat sheet had everything I needed on it. Well find out later on this week how well we did.
So regarding my thoughts last week about the whole entire PACN cast shindig, my view did change this week about a lot of things. I wrote a letter to them this week with my concerns; I quickly got a reply so it was all good. Well, I was angry last week so there were words that came out when I was all emotional; many of which werent true. This years board is actually doing a really good job with embracing the concerns and complaints made not only by me but other members as well. My role that I supposedly thought that was a made up role was actually a big role. Not a major role, but a major supporting role. Good enough for me, it makes me happy. I hear that the roles that the e-board took up some of them dropped their roles. Im very glad that e-board is embracing these concerns and very happy that they are dealing with them in a constructive matter. Looks like the end of the year is going to be good; and I am very sure that they are all here for the members.
Also on Wednesday we had a volleyball game; but before I went to that I hung out with Tracee and Christie and ate at Millies. I thought that it was too early for the open mic night but apparently I could have gone; sounds like a missed a really good show. Then later we had a volleyball game. There were twelve of us playing. We basically had to play one full game with one half and another full game with the other half. It was a close game; we lost the first, won the second, and barely lost the third game. We scrimmaged later just for fun.
Apparently it was registration this week; I totally did not know. I later found out about registration and ended up registering for my classes two days late. Its all good though because I got all the classes that I wanted and my schedule is looking really good. I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday which leaves plenty of time for work on all the other days along with studying. In addition to that, its looking really good for PACN especially with the practices lasting late at night.
So I thought I would help out with PACN because I heard that they needed help with finding a rural dance. At that point I thought I would ask Karla if she could ask her group if they could help teach or perform their rural dances at PACN. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem like its going to work out because of financial issues. Anyways, it was a good idea because I know that they genuinely know the real stuff.
So Valentines day… what a depressing day for me. I went through too much stuff that day. Well, I decided to go to my first Barkada meeting since I didnt have work until three. It was nice seeing everybody again and it was cool going to my first Barkada meeting of the quarter. Anyways we went out to eat afterwards but I had to talk to Mark about some things while we were there. Nothing much, just talked to him about my past relationship with she who will not be named. Code name? Lets go with Jessica. Anyways, I just dont understand why Jessica hasnt really been talking to me when in the beginning all she wanted to be was friends. Now she hardly picks up my calls, returns my calls, or talks to me in general. In fact I get the vibe that shes trying to avoid me… well I guess its something that all relationships go through, but she has to understand that I am over her; I just dont want to be a part of her past. I still want to be friends and I still want to be close; maybe not relationship wise. Yeah, I probably am trying too hard, but if I dont try at all, nothing is honestly going to happen and I doubt if were going to be friends. I dont want that. I do believe that its possible for people to become good friends after they break; Ive seen it and I believe it… anyways, Ill get back to this because I had another talk with a friend about it later on in the week.
Later on in the week I went to visit Karla in Irvine. We just caught up on life and thats when I asked her about everything with PACN and stuff. We at are Red Robins and then we went to a party at her friend Nicolles apartment. It was fun; it was real chill. Apparently they got a new projector and they just wanted to watch a movie with it.
Also later on in the week I hung out with Caleb; he totally challenged me at smash brothers. Im telling you Im unstoppable at that game. Anyways it was all fun, later we both decided to get into gunbound again later in the week.
Also I hung out with Christal this week at In n out. We just caught up on things because it might have been over a year since the last time we hung out. We seriously talked a lot about relationships. I talked about mine and she talked about hers. Shes in a new one now. Anyways, I explained that I still call and if I dont she wont call. And its true. Because I could see it from Jessicas point of view with Christal and I could explain my point of view. Basically Im supposed to be a part of Jessicas past; but I dont want that. And I know that Jessica doesnt regret anything and she does genuinely love and care about me; she just got tired of me. Sounds horrible; but it happens. Anyways, I do believe that we could become friends again, real close ones at that. Trust me when I say that Im over it; I deserve better. I dont deserve to be treated the way Jessica treats me; however, I do care about her and love her as a person and would love to have her around to hang out with, to call, to basically be really good friends. I really do hope we get close again.
Anyways, on a brighter note, I wanted to help coordinate Sayaw sa Bangko in PACN. Im supposed to coordinate with Chrstine and Im sure well do a good job. Sounds like a lot of fun but sounds like a lot of planning at the same time. Im sure well do fine, I plan to have Sayaw amazing this year.
I also hung out with Greta this week. I met her Baby, got a picture, and caught up on things. Well hang out again sometime soon.
I was supposed to hang out with Grace this week, but we were both a bit busy. Hopefully next weekend. I was also supposed to go to San Diego this week with Karla and her family. But it didnt work out.
Ive gotten into that game I got for Christmas two years ago called guild wars; its a lot of fun but takes up a lot of time. Nothing much to say about that. Anyways, it was a long week, hopefully this week will be just as exciting and hopefully Ill get a lot of things done. Gotta stick to my resolutions with staying in shape and dieting.
Hey, lets be friends again ok? At the very least. Lets be friends. What do you have to lose? Youll only gain something from it. You said you wouldnt leave me; please stay to your promise, you do mean a lot to me.
UGHHHH what a frustrating week!! There were a lot of ups and downs this week but overall I learned a lot…
So starting in the beginning of the week I hung out with Jaimie and Leah and we just talked about San Francisco. Its all good, it seems that we were all able to talk about all of our concerns about the trip. Overall though we had a good time just chillen. Later I got Mark some food for his practice since I havent hung out with him in awhile; really busy with b.MOD and hell week.
I had a talk with that old friend that I thought was ignoring me. Once again were cool, but its not like were constantly talking to each other ya know? I guess its all in the process of getting over one another. Its alright, I mean I do miss her, but eventually well be at the point again where were just really great friends. In the end though, Im just really glad that were cool and talking to each other again; I dont have that feeling in the back of my mind that shes mad at me.
Im beginning to watch house since our cable has been out for several months and we have the season one dvd. I like it A LOT. Its really interesting and just something that Id throw out. Our cable came back later on this week though so we have tv to watch at the apartment finally. I still am not watching a lot though, its just that I dont have that much time to do it.
I finished learning to play the say Way Back Into Love from the movie Music and Lyrics this week. Now Im beginning to learn how to play Because of You by Keith Martin. Its a lot harder that the other song; but I plan to continue to practice piano and learn more songs. For lent, I gave up myspace and AIM, I plan to add more things later but I havent really decided what yet. I mean its pretty much everything that I plan to do for my New Years resolution; maybe for lent I should just make sure that I stay on track with my resolutions.
We had volleyball on Wednesday and we won by default since the other team didnt have enough people playing. I wasnt there either though. I decided to go to Joes Sushi to celebrate Gregs Birthday. It was the best sushi Ive ever had and it was all you can eat. I swear I had so much sushi that night, I think I had like thirty plus rolls. Weve gotta eat there again sometime.
I got paid on Friday and I got a grip of clothes this week. Mostly from Urban. I definitely like the majority of their clothes. Their style is freakin awesome. SO if any of you ever plan to get me a gift certificate, get me one from Urban. Currently, this is where Im getting the majority of my clothes. Talk about brand loyalty.
I finally hung out with Ivan this week. Havent seen that guy in years. It was cool, I had a good time. We just got lunch and ended up playing guitar hero at his house; I had work later so I couldnt really stay long. Definitely gotta chill again sometime.
I hung out with Caleb last night. We just got Red Robbins with my brother and another friend named Chris. Later we went to our house and watched random movies on TV and reminisced about high school; yeah those were the days. I miss high school a lot as well, but college is a whole different story that Im definitely enjoying.
Today I went to Pasadena with the fam bam. Just got some shopping done, no big deal. I got some jeans among a few other things. Just walking around Old Pasadena brought up some old memories though… I kind of just got some pictures of what happened there before; some things that made me happy. I miss those days as well.
SO something really pissed me off this week. And I mean really pissed off. So we were supposed to find out about our roles in PACN this week; very disappointing results. Well I didnt find out about my role until we went to Erins birthday karaoke. I find that I dont even have a role; funny since I called like four or five times to get my role. So Im mad that I dont have a role even though I tried out for a main role. I learn later that there were others who didnt get a role either. So Im just thinking in my mind, sorry for the language within the next paragraph, what the fuck?! I learn LATER that people who did not even want to try out for main roles got the main roles; I got more pissed off and once again what the fuck?! The final straw was when I heard that more than half of the e-board has roles and a lot of those roles are somewhat big in the PACN… WHAT THE FUCK?! Ok Ok Ok, so here are the supposed reasons for this. The first reason is that my personality didnt fit any of the roles… OK, thats the point of acting; youre supposed to act outside of your personality and thats why there are acting directors to help you do so; so dont give me that shit that my personality doesnt fit any of the roles. NEXT the reason for some of the e-board being the big roles is because the roles were already ready for them; some of the names of the roles being pretty obvious that they were for those persons. SO if you already had a cast picked out for PACN why did you even have try outs for any of the roles? You picked your cast out because they mesh good together? BULL. PACN is supposed to bring everybody together; not people who already mesh well with each other. Its supposed to bring the whole club together. And why do the judges have big roles in the PACN? They are judges and just because they are judges does not mean that they can place themselves within certain roles; basically they are putting themselves in front of members. ONCE AGAIN you have to understand that members come first before anything. SO why do e-board members have roles but regular members dont? In addition to that, why do regular members still dont have roles while e-board has the majority of the big roles? Very upsetting. Heres a story, I felt that our tinikiling was bias last year so I gave up my position in tinikiling because I felt that members should be experiencing that role who really wanted it. You cant take away those benefits from the members; especially since youre on board. This years cast for PACN is very bias to me as well as picked out of favoritism. Remember, this is the members PACN; even though e-board was in charge of the script, the actual PACN is the members. SO once again my main concerns are why is it that the people who didnt want the main roles in the first place got the main roles; those people who did not have the passion and excitement to get it in the beginning in comparison to those who really tried and put effort into trying to get those roles? Another concern is why is it that there are members who did not get any roles, regardless of what type of role that they tried out for, and e-board members and judges got the majority of big roles? Why are the e-board members being put in front of regular members? Do you have to be in e-board to get a big role? WHY were there try outs when there was basically already set positions for actors? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I HOPE that roles are not being made up just to compensate for complaints from NOT JUST ME but from members who did not get roles. Because if they are then those roles have no point in the PACN, those roles can be taken out and the PACN would be exactly the same. I have already brought up these concerns with e-board; and have offered to speak of my complaints at their next e-board meeting. I am more than willingly to bring up my concerns. I am very upset and disappointed with these past decisions; if e-board truly believes members come first, then theyll know what to do with their roles…
A note to this blog, these are just my personal observations as well as others who share the same view, there may be some people who dont agree with this; however, I find that those people are the ones who got the largest benefits from PACN without even trying.
I apologize if this blog causes harm to anybody; but my blogs are basically used to jot down my personal thoughts and thus may or may not be the actual story; it may be exaggerated or it may be exactly what happened. You can agree or disagree with this; check back a week later and maybe my views will have changed by then.
On a lighter note, Im glad were talking again…
A lot of things happened this week as well as a lot of mixed emotions. Sometimes its just easier to go down the list of things that I did this week…
Monday Mark stayed over cause he was too tired and helped me finish my project for IBM 301. I had a midterm this week for that class and ended up getting a ninety percent on it; not too bad at all. Im hoping that I get a good grade on my project; we shall see, we shall see.
On a bright note, I am getting really good results from working out; Im hearing from a lot of people that Im looking skinnier. Im not sure if I should take it as a good thing or bad thing because Im trying to look like Im getting back in shape. Im guessing its a good thing though because I am losing weight. I feel like I should go on one of those weight loss commercials with the before and after pictures haha; just kidding though, I havent gotten THAT big of results yet. But Im going to continue working on it for sure.
Wednesday we had a volleyball game. We were so close to winning! We had won our first game and lost the second game. The third game we lost again but the whole time it was neck and neck. Close game in general since the points were always switching sides. Im glad I joined volleyball again this quarter...
… Something else happened Wednesday night; but Ill get to that later, since thats probably the main thing Id like to talk about in this blog.
Thursday night we went to BJs for Pats birthday, I had a good time there. I got to chill with a lot of the older people who I havent seen in a long time. I halved a plate with Joy and for desert I halved a pazzuki with Joy and Jowee. Later that night we went to the last night at the Citrus apartment and some people got crazy drunk. I didnt stay long because I had work the next day. I heard some stories though; some crazy drama with Jowee, Joy, and Rhea. Something about a fight. Anyways, I dont know too much about it; Ill have to learn more when I actually talk to them. I didnt drink that night; I wasnt really I the mood and I was REALLY tired from midterms.
This weekend I spent it in SAN FRANCISCO. I probably would have loved it and enjoyed it much more if it werent raining and spent a few days more there. I was so tired from the drive that I couldnt really hype myself up during the Saturday we were there. I didnt get to see the main sites there and we didnt go shopping in the huge shopping centers, but we did walk around HAIGHT Street where there were a whole lot of vintage shops; it was pretty cool. I learned a lot about some Filipino History at a couple of sites, including some murals, street names, and buildings. There was a hotel party for Pat, but I heard that they got in trouble because of the noise complaints. Im glad that everybody had fun though. I didnt drink or party, I slept because I had to drive home. Still though, one thing I learned from this trip is that I probably would only live in Southern California. The weathers nice here, the atmosphere is nice here; everything in general is just so much more pleasant here to me. I would LOVE to go to San Francisco again, but with different intentions. We shall see what happens in the future. BUT after spending a fun weekend in Frisco, Ive gotten behind in all my homework.
SO super bowl weekend? I have no idea who played in it; Im honestly not into football. I was supposed to chill with Caleb this weekend at his apartment for super bowl; but obviously I didnt make it back in time to go over. Ill probably give him a call later on this week to chill when I have time. WHICH reminds me that I need to call JoJo up to hang out too. JoJo went to Vegas to celebrate Irishs birthday, I hope they had just as much fun as I did; if not more. I was also supposed to hang out with Amverlee this week, but she wasnt available. Ill try to hang out with her this week also.
Anyways Im thinking of being MIA for awhile… actually just for this month of February. Like Im not planning to log into myspace, go on AIM, or anything of that sort. Im hoping not to be tempted to hang out with everybody and all of this other stuff. TOTALLY MIA for a month. Why? I have my reasons… I dont really have the liberty to speak right now. Well see how that goes though; who knows, I may change my mind.
Alright so Wednesday night. I had a talk with an old friend; shes really cool you know? I had a huge crush on her for awhile before and we even dated… then I found her chillin with somebody new. Not that they were together or anything, I dont even think that she likes him. But when I saw them I kind of over reacted inside thinking that she found somebody… stupid me. I mean I told her everything that night and she got really upset with me. I said a lot of stupid things that I shouldnt have said. At the same time, I really couldnt control my emotions so things were being said left and right. Sorry for the lack of a better term, but jealousys a bitch. You may think that youre over somebody but find out that you actually arent. Im so not over it right now. In the process of getting through it… Its just so hard to give up at times when you think somebody is the right person for you. I had a mental breakdown that night; its one of those time when all those emotions that you hide inside come bursting out. I cant really stand it. Im so sorry for saying a whole mess of things that I shouldnt have; I really do care about her though. I hope so much that she cares about me too. Unfortunately, I havent heard from her since that night. Ive been trying to contact her; but Ive given up. She doesnt pick up my phone calls, doesnt reply to my messages; doesnt seem she wants to hear or see me. Im not really surprised; shes really tired of me. Ive already lost her as a lover; I just really hope that I dont lose her as a close friend. Honestly, all I can do is wait; Ive given up trying to get in touch with her. I just have to wait until shes ready to hear and see me again. I hope soon… I miss her.
God, Im dying on the inside… Lord help me.
So this was quite a week. I did a lot of hanging out with friends and a lot of cheating on my resolutions. UGGGH. Well, first I wasnt supposed to eat after seven thirty but these past couple of nights I ate late. I even spent more than twenty dollars on food this week. Really not good.
Well, to start off the week; I believe it was on Tuesday when I went to Hooters to hang out with Joy, Jowee, and Leo. It was cool since I saw Leos, Ermies, Anas, and Russels new apartment. Its really nice; I really like the paint job and everything. Hooters was really cool, this crazy magician guy entertained us while we were waiting for our food. And I ate a GRIP of chicken wings, we ordered fifty but Im POSITIVE that I ate the majority of the wings. Im not complaining though. I have been keeping up with my workouts and I am actually seeing a difference, but I havent stepped on the scale in a long time so Im not sure if Im going to see the difference on the scale…
Another thing with my resolutions was the so called dont step in the API for one quarter resolution. That failed miserably. Its cool though, because I think that I should just change that resolution to make sure that I get studying done in the API. Its cool because I got to see everybody again and catch up with them. BUT the main reason why I went into the API was to try out for one of the major roles in PACN. I believe that my audition went well; other than the singing of course. Im really hoping to get it though; I dont know, I just really want it. BUT if I dont get it, its alright, I mean just being in PACN is a great experience in general. However, I would be much more hyped up if I got one of the major roles of course.
Earlier this week I hung out with Kim too; we went to sushi and teriyaki where I spent even MORE money on food. Terrible, just terrible. Fun times though, fun times. We just caught up with each other and what we did over vacation and junk. I felt fat being the only one eating, but its alright, I was huuungry.
On the bad side, I had to drop my CIS class this quarter; it was just too much with the other classes that I was taking. Its like all my projects were assigned and due on all the same days. The CIS class took up the majority of my time and I wasnt able to get it. I plan on retaking the class next quarter for sure though. I could study up on the on line material that the professor posts up.
Later on in the week I drank at the Citrus apartment. Really chill though. It was just something to do since I had no class on Friday and had nothing to do on that Thursday night. I had fun in general; mostly drank with Ermie, Leo, and Pat. I had to stay the night because I didnt want to risk driving in all that rain.
I also hung out with Karla, Alyssa, and Caleb. We all totally caught up on things and it was really cool. Caleb has a really good thing going with his Job and apartment and everything. His girlfriend is cool and has a tight dog and cat. We all got crazy allergies though. I played Mario Kart 64 against Ariyan, I think thats how you spell her name… well I lost terribly. I played Boxing against her too… lost terribly again. And Im not even going to go into Bowling and tennis. UGH. Well we drank and hung out for a while then we went to meet up with some other people in Irvine. It was cool hopping around all over the place. But I still had to head back home to my apartment later on that night since I had a test the next morning…
I had to take the GWT, the graduate writing test. I met up with Jenny because she had to take it also, it was unbelievable easy. No sweat at all. As for work, they got me working almost every day this next up coming week; so I guess that means no Nor Cal for me. Vibe was today, I couldnt go because of work too. I mean its cool because now Im getting hours and recognition as an oldie. So Im enjoying work more. Im really hoping that everybody was cool at Vibe. I really wanted to watch everybody from 909 dance along with TM and Jenny on CG…
My hair is getting longer. Im liking it. I could pull off this messy look and I cant wait until it gets longer. BUT it takes a lot more time to actually do it now, so if I need to fix it really quick its not going to work out.
Among other things happened this week… I ate some potato chips; though I wasnt supposed to. It cant be helped… its just going to happen. I really like it when it happens though; for some reason, it feels like US again.
Thank you. Im sorry I didnt trust you with my gift. And now I cant wait… youre the best.
What a week…
Its been so crazy this past week. Ive been packed with school work and I feel like Im busier than ever even though Im taking a huge break from the whole Barkada thing. Im still keeping up with my resolutions for the most part; getting back in shape in particular.
Still. Ive had a rough week. I had a special talk with a friend a couple of days ago; I got really emotional. Lets just say I was able to clear a lot of things up. I learned a lot about myself. I guess. Still, I continually feel like Ive done something wrong, and Im still doing something wrong. I feel like I make all the mistakes, every problem there was; I feel like I made every problem. I can deny it as much as I want, but the feeling still comes back. Even when Im not expecting it, it tears me apart in just a few unexpecting minutes. At least I gave everything; at least I know that I could have given the whole world. I gave away my most sentimental item I own to somebody very important to me. It was really hard for me to do; but it had to be done. I feel naked without it everyday. I hope that person always takes care of it… Im almost there.
Im going to try not to think about it as much anymore. This weekend has been AWESOME so far. Talk about reunions and meeting new people. SO I heard from three old friends this week; and hung out with one of them. I hung out with Caleb and plan to hit up Ivan and Grace sometime this week when I get the chance. Its amazing how much people change in just a few years; I know my whole group has gone through changes. This past weekend I actually went to a party with some 909 people. Met some really cool cats. I had a lot of fun celebrating Irishs birthday. I drank a tad bit; good times though. Johns Incredible Pizza was fun, but the after party was even better. Karaoke, chillin, I brought my Ive Never board game. It was a chill party but still I made some new friends. The next day I headed back to Victorville and hung out with Caleb; we went to chill at Starbucks and then to Jorells party. I havent seen that guys in years either; must have been since high school. Seriously, to name some of the people Ive met and heard from this past week that I havent in years include Lynne, Caleb, Jorell, Christine, Ivan, Grace… definitely all fun though. Now that I technically should have more time, I could catch up with all of them. I still need to drop by Gretas to see the new baby; before it gets older! I had a good talk with JoJo at her party; always a cool person to hang out with.
My life is going through a lot of changes right now. Im meeting so many new people and at the same time meeting up with so many old friends. Ive missed out from these past two years; not that I regret any of it though.
Im heading in a new direction in life and Im just prepping the big news. Im not going to leave this whole Barkada life, I know theyll always be there.
I know it doesnt seem like it, but Im not happy in life right now; in fact Im very sad. It just gets harder and harder everyday for me to get up and stay focused. I need a reason to be happy; the number one reason why I was happy is now gone, in a sense.
I wish you could be my reason again. Im the reason Im still holding on, youve already let me go… what if I find somebody else? Would I be able to do it? I dont want to hurt you, but I want to be happy. Would you be hurt if I found somebody? Would it make you happy? Im still always concerned about how you think… are you even concerned about how I feel? Or is it if Im happy, youll be happy for me? I never want to hurt you again…
… something unexpected happened this weekend. NOTHING serious, just ask, and Ill tell.
This was a busy week. Once again I failed to go to Church. This time I had A LOT of studying to do. I just spent this whole day behind this computer trying to finish a presentation for my group project. Other than that all my other resolutions are going well…
Anyways, some really interesting things came up this week. I was myspaced by a couple of really old friends back in the day. Definitely gotta chill with them sometime especially if Im going to be totally MIA this quarter. Ive got a lot of catching up to do with everybody and myself. Doesnt mean that Im totally going to disappear from the whole Barkada thing; in fact Im still around at some events. I definitely want to play intramurals and I like going to other schools to meet up new people. I went to Irvine earlier this week with Barkada and ended up just chillen at Karlas apartment.
This was a sad week for me. Still reminiscing on the past I suppose; you know people always try to hide away old feelings denying it, but eventually they leak out. Happened to me this week at least. I went to Karlas Aunts 25th year anniversary; the silver years. I had a lot of fun, I got to hang out with her cousins that I havent seen in a long time. Strange thing was that I saw Ana and Russel there. I had a long heart to heart talk with Ana. I learned a lot of things from the other side and Im much more understanding of my present situation. Things are getting better though. Im not as hung up as before this year. I heard this quote from one of my friends and at first I felt that I could totally relate to it…
What hurts the most is that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, youre not even trying to keep me…
Yeah, thats a really sad quote. But thats how I felt at first. After speaking with Ana, I should understand that I did nothing wrong, maybe you dont want the world. And eventually someday youll be ready to accept it; but as for now you just dont want it. I can sit here and reminisce about so many things but its constantly holding me back.
I actually learned A LOT at the anniversary. I mean not only did I learn that we could possibly ask them to help out with PACN [Their cultural dances were AWESOME] but life lessons. 25 years is a long time. Thats longer than Ive lived. How do you stay with somebody that long? I heard trust a lot, I heard patience a lot, I heard understanding a lot, but one interesting one was that you should never go to bed being mad or angry at your significant other. That is one of the greatest advices Ive ever heard of. Im definitely going to use that in the future haha.
You know, I shouldnt be scared, but at the same time I am. There are so many risks. But life is about taking risks right? Not yet though. Most definitely not yet…
Another thing, I find myself getting jealous a lot. I shouldnt be though; there will always be a space for me in their heart. I should always remember that. Nobody can take that place. I would be more mad and jealous if I were replaced by someone exactly like me rather than somebody different.
On a different note, Im trying to grow my hair out. I have this really cool look that Im trying to pull off. But its going to take awhile for my hair to grow in. Im in that ugly phase right now where there isnt much that you could do with your hair.
Im not trying to stay away from you
Happy New Year! First week of the New Year and I plan to change myself. Ive gone through a lot this year and Ive learned a lot about myself as well. Ill dont regret anything that has happened this past year. This past year was probably the greatest year of my life; I can honestly say that. I may not have ended the year with the great feelings that started me last year, but I plan on starting new with the new year. New Year, new me. If youre reading this now, good job; you should know that I plan on writing in my blog every Sunday night. I have several New Years resolutions planned out for this year. Of course theres the usual become healthier, more self conscious, get back to church, and get in better shape resolutions; but I do have others in mind. FIRST I would love to spend less than twenty dollars a week on food not counting groceries; HUGE money saver. Next I would like to attempt to make a new friend every week. Increase my social skills ya know?
I spent this year with wonderful people, too many people to name out. Im sure if you read the blogs from before you know who Im talking about. A lot more people have learned about me and my life, others have yet to find out. This year is about change for me. It may take only a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even the whole year; regardless, this year is about change for me. Changing myself for the better. Its about time I mature a little. Ill be taking a break from Barkada for a little while; for real this time. And Im most definitely not going to step into the API this quarter, at least try not to. Its too much of a distraction from my studying. No more procrastination either; thats not only going toward my studies. Its also towards my lifestyle. GET THINGS DONE. I want to be on top of things.
This past week was a good week for the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I did miss church today; though I was planning to start off the year by trying my best to go to Church weekly. BUT today I was planning to go, we had a family get together today for lunch so I couldnt make it. Tomorrow Im beginning my intense work outs. Im still practicing every night. This year is going to be good. I didnt want to start off the year with the same feelings that I had ending last year. So if I had a glass in my hand I would say CHEERS to the new year! And thank you to everyone who made last year absolutely memorable. You all should know who you are…
I love you.
Hello world! I know, its been a long time since I wrote in this once again. Yeah, well, things have been awesome with me this past quarter. School wasnt too bad, I mean, it really kicked my butt towards the end. PACN was cool too, I had a small part but it was really nice having the whole entire bonding experience again with everybody. There was an after party, and I got messed up. Sorry to say, but I had maybe 18 shots that night. I knocked out in the car WITHOUT the keys in my hand, so that was a good one, I guess. Then there was also banquet this year. That was A LOT of fun. I won seriously like 5 awards, even though everybody thinks that I rigged it haha. No but really, the theme was disco and I had this whole entire get up ready for it, I forgot my shoes!! But Joel had an extra pair of black shoes that I borrowed. I was actually really sad that night, it was our last night as an E-board team. The new board was being passed on. So thus it was the end of Babe-E-board. It was a great year and Ill never forget everything weve gone through with each other. The good times, the bad times, and always sticking it out with each other. I am really sad that we arent going to be seeing each other as often now, but we still have our R and R retreat! Thats going to be a lot of fun. Still though, its a little different now that we dont see each other every week. Its alright though, Im sure that we will soon get used to it. Too many memories. Congratulations to the new board! They are going to have a great year! Now vacation has started, Im most definitely going to try my best to help out the new board. As well as relax and spend some large amounts of missed time with my inner circle. Its been too long. My family is seriously pressuring me to get a job, and I do want one. Ive already had an interview with Hollister but it doesnt seem like Im going to get the job, Ill look for another job someplace else then. But yes, things have been pretty awesome with me. There are thousands of other things that I want to say, but I cant mention or Ive forgotten. Most likely though I cant mention as of now. Its good things though, really good things.
Sorry for all the late posts, I hardly ever post any blogs now. Things are going GREAT for me! Im so happy right now and am usually in a good mood. Ive got a lot of school work granted, but that is the usual thing. Barkada is working me like crazy again, its all good though. PACN is coming up again this season and I got a really important monologue. Im pretty confident with it, except that I need an accent with it! Its going to be wierd. Haha, but I can keep working on it, Ill be fine. The year is almost over for me on E-Board. Somewhat excited but somewhat sad as well. Excited that I wont have as much work anymore and I can finally get a job to earn money, but not so excited that Im not going to be able to hang around with 13 of my favorite people. Life goes on and Ill still keep in touch with them. We did an awesome job this year and were going to end the year strong! Ill keep you guys updated with what Im doing, but as of now its just late night PACN practices and school. Im going to udpate my myspace soon, in fact, Ive already updated some of it ;-]. Check it out if youre bored and see if you can find out where I updated it. Ill keep in touch!
Things are better than ever.
Life is good.
Word man. However, life is busy. Things are most definitely picking up. Better with friends, better with family, better with situations, better with school, better with stress, better with everything. No problems, but life is still busy. STRESS is over with Sportsfest, but things are coming up fast right after! Have a lot of things to do with PACN coming up. I have a lot of practice every night and a lot of homework along with that. But things are going great with me. So as for that last blog, dont worry. Im sure that Life is Good. Make life how you want it to be. You want it to be good, let it be known. Happiness is only for those who try to reach it. There are those who are willing to help too. Thank you to them. Stay strong my friends.
**EDIT, this post was made at night
Its funny, as the day moves on, I feel SO much better. I guess, feelings over react when things seem down. At the end of the day, things seem much better.
Im planning to take twenty units this quarter by the way. Yeah. Im ok. Time to get busy once again!
**EDIT, this post was made in the afternoon
Well, it seems that when things start out as going up; sooner or later things begin to go down. Happy about somethings, not so happy about others. So I got straight As this quarter. Rock on! I can check that off of things to do from my new years resolution. Im really happy about other things too; things that cant be spoken.
But it seems that there are more things that are bringing be down than bringing me up. That house that I was supposed to move into since last year doesnt seem to be happening anytime soon. Im stuck. I dont know where to go. Maybe I should just sleep in the car… whatever. And then that whole family thing. Like I said, it SUCKS. Always bringing me down. Always. I dont seem to be very close to my siblings or my parents. I guess two siblings are bound to be more closer than another. Thats how it works I guess. And so I stayed with my Mom while she went to work at Sherman Oaks. I thought it would be cool; bounding time you know? For some reason it felt awkward for me. Im sure my brother and sister could do it anytime without a problem. I should feel happy when I see my family, I should feel relieved; but lately for some reason it just feels awkward. And then they dont understand how much work I do. All I do is work hard to impress them and all they could do is ask me to work harder because things arent always going to be easy for me. First, things are NEVER easy for me. Second, how could I do more work? Ive worked already so hard as it is and I barely have the energy to drive. I cant sleep. Theres no time for that! And Im in uncomfortable conditions when I do have time! So I have to work harder? Get a job? Is it that hard for them to see that Im working hard? So Im not getting money out of it; doesnt mean that Im not working hard. I cant stand it sometimes. I guess thats why Ive been getting annoyed lately. Because they dont understand how much Im working and they expect me to do more.
Things are going ok for me right now. Not the best. Just ok. I have only one place where Im relieved and relaxed and excited to go to. And even there Im the only one messing up. But thats my only source of happiness right now; and its the most important thing that I have. The thing that I love the most. I hope I stop messing up. But I know it will always be there; no matter what. Lets hope that things pick up within the next couple of weeks. Ill try to work harder.
Buttercups and Potato Chips.
Updated. Newer. Fresher. Better. Stronger. Juicier. Smarter. Greater. HEARTer.
Wow, so I know that Im way behind with posting blogs. Its just that Ive been so busy with everything lately that I havent had the time to place everything down! Well, a lot has happened these past couple of months since December.
School Started! Im hoping for that 4.0. I dont think that Im going to get a 4.0, but I am hoping for straight As because Ill be happy with that too. Things are going ok with that goal right now. I have As for sure in three out of five classes. Lets hope that things pick up in the end!
Barkada is freaking crazy right now. Its taking over my life and is taking over me. I have so many things do with the club right now that I hardly have any time to think! I know that there are some other board members who are just as much, if not, more stressed than me right now. All I can do is continue working and hope that things turn out fine in the end! Things are going ok with it, more and more things just keep coming up though. Everything will be fine in the end hopfully.
Friends and family are going well. Im spending more time with friends than family which may or may not be a good thing. I mean, Im having fun, but than again Im losing more time with family. Im hardly home on the weekends and come home really late during the weekdays. Im moving in to my new townhouse soon, Im sure that it is going to be a great experience! I got to hang out with the inner circle a few days ago. There are several parties that weve gone to with each other. But yes, friends are going pretty well as of now.
Anyways, Im not going to go in depth with everything that Ive been doing these past weeks, just know that I am UNBELIEVABLY happy right now. Things could not be better than how they are now! Hopefully they will stay that way. Ill try to keep you guys updated on my life, but right now, Ive got some thing s to do. Lets see if I will be able to update this later!
Dear Readers,
This may in fact be my last blog of the year. Im just going to have a small recap of what has happened this year of 2006 and my thoughts of it.
It was my first year of college. It was great. It was fun. It was stressful. It was sad. It was happy. It was crushes. It was heartbreaks. It was cultural. It was Barkada. It was religious. It was faithful. It was experiences. It was new. It was old. It was Incredibles. It was Inner Circles. It was love. It was hate. It was reminiscent. It was missing. It was forward. It was backward. It was APITG. It was poetry. It was spoken word. It was nervousness. It was relaxation. It was comforting. It was emo. It was no meat. It was no myspace. It was all myspace. It was musical. It was wishful. It was full of sleep. It was absolutely no sleep. It was all nighters. It was BNP. It was commuting. It was awkward. It was athletic. It was lazy. It was repetitious. It was performances. It was fake. It was true. It was PCN. It was guilty. It was disappointment. It was proud. It was dance. It was E-Board. It was Banquet. It was soul searching. It was philosophical. It was enlightening. It was retreat. It was prom three. It was expressive. It was withdrawals. It was rewarding. It was beach trips. It was about counsel. It was about nominations. It was about freshmen. It was about dress. It was about pointless arguments. It was caught in the middle. It was priorities. It was optimism. It was pessimism. It was volleyball. It was sportsfest. It was family. It was lessons. It was summer. It was no time. It was trust. It was awesome. It was complicated. It was simple. It was hopeless. It was birthdays. It was coincidences. It was serendipity. It was Tagalog. It was buzzing. It was drunkards. It was knockouts. It was quitting. It was starting. It was ending. It was friendship. It was winning. It was sinning. It was losing. It was Ading. It was clubbing. It was snowboarding. It was chilling. It was hiding. It was finding. It was sexy. It was ugly. It was Mah Jongg. It was karma. It was Vegas. It was workful. It was free. It was changing. It was staying the same. It was Die Hard. It was interesting. It was parties. It was love...
... it was love.
I thought that this year was awesome. I kind of made this blog extremely fast because I dont feel like putting everything down because it would take a long time. Whatever. If you are really interested in my life, you would have read up to this point now eh? This year, by far, has most definitely been one of the best years of my life. Its really shell breaking, social, and extreme. I like it. I love it. Ill never forget it. Heads up for the new year! Its not over. Ive still got my secret santa to do tomorrow and new years eve is coming up! There will be many surprises as well.
Resolution: I have six goals this year: To get back in shape, get a 4.0 at least in one quarter, become more musically experienced, *heart heart*, get a job or internship, and one last one that will be a secret[as well as the most difficult and important one].
I just wanted to say that my New Years Resolution came true. =) IF you can remember what it was. This was most definitely a great first year of college and a great beginning for my second year of college. I know Ive still got plenty of time to recap on what has happened this year, in fact, my next blog is probably only going to be on reminiscing about what has happened this year.
Anyways, just to jot down what has happened in this past week, I got to hang out with the inner circle. YES! We went ice skating and it was A LOT of fun. I recorded other people falling and I broke other peoples chains just for fun. My vacation is SO chill, Im getting a lot of rest and relaxation and it feels great! Though something is missing...
I reformatted my computer and its VERY FAST now. I got all the classes I need and Im shooting for the 4.0. YES! I really want it after I did horrible this quarter. I need to raise my overall GPA. But right now school is being very nice to me as Im very fortunate to have gained those classes that were full.
I still have a lot of plans until school starts. We still have our usual traditions coming up like Secret Santa and looking for the best Christmas lights. I got invited to Christals birthday party this Saturday, Ill see if I can go... Its Sammys birthday in approximately fifteen minutes. Were planning to go snowboarding and more. Greta and I really have to hang out sometime soon since we hardly get to hang out at all. I got to hang out with the Incredibles for a little bit when they were over. Dont worry, Ive been doing at least one SMALL thing a day. Usually it just involves going over Karlas house for FIVE minutes or just doing some errands. Not to mention all the things that were doing with the family. Were planning to officially get a townhouse/apartment/condo on the 27th and the move in time will probably be a month or so. This year is coming to an end quickly. This year is definitely a good one, but I anticipate an even better one next year =) Ill let you know of my new years resolution for 2007 in my next blog.
I am now happy. I am now comforted. I am now great. I am now good. I am now relaxed... I am now HAPPY.
SCHOOL IS OVER!!
... I am also scared, but you know, I did get FIFTEEN hours rest; Go figure!
School isnt the only thing either =)
Story:
I pulled an all nighter last week on Thursday night. No sleep there. On Friday was the Christmas Party at the PR house; that lasted late but I went home early; still, I stayed up late packing and yet again got no sleep since I had to wake up really early. Ski trip was this whole weekend so obviously on both days, I had no sleep.
The funny part is when I slept Monday night, my Dad called me and said WAKE UP JARED! Youve been sleeping all day! And I got MAD because there was no sun out and when I checked the clock it was 5:00 and shouted back saying DAD! Its 5:00 in the morning!! And my Dad responded by shouting JARED! Its 5:00 in the AFTERNOON! And I was just thinking Oh my God... I cant believe that I slept for 15 hours. Ive never done that before; and even more embarassing for the whole entire day of Dec 12th, I didnt see any sun at all. Its like, where did the day go?
[sigh]
I truly am a horrible person to cause such harm to so many people...
... and karma seems to attack me...
[possibly more details later]
[begin second post of the day]
2nd post of the day:
WORD to this song.
Just listen...
[already in love]
[passion]
[lyrics]
eh...
[let me know if Im wasting my time]
[end second post of the day]
Ew. I am getting fat. Its kind of ugly... Could it be the drinking?
This leads to my next point; after so many nights of drinking [pretty much once or twice a week of drinking for the past seven weeks] I am going to take a break; no more drinking until ski trip. I had a horrible hangover before my debate which was stupid. In fact, I shouldnt even be drinking at all. It seems that all my blogs are about drinking recently... Its really bad. But what can I do?
Anyways, lets talk about another thing. I finally got to spend the weekend with my family in Vegas! It was a lot of fun. I got some new clothes and we saw a magic show with Lance Burton. I have a new trick up my sleeve now. As for school, I really give up on this quarter; it was more of a test quarter to see if I could handle board along with school. Obviously, it is not working out so I need to get a little lighter on school. This could be another reason why I am switching majors [all majors are hard though]. I cant wait to start my classes in CIS. I think that I am really going to enjoy doing them. Unfortunately for next quarter, none of the classes will be in CIS but rather for the business major [since CIS is under the college of business]. It felt good to hang out with my family all weekend. All we did was walk around every mall in Vegas [ughh...] but I still had an overall great time.
Now that the weekend is over, I have to get back to work. Back to school, back to stressing, and back to Barkada. Can I tell you something? I really miss my
I had a great weekend. I had so much fun and relaxation and great times with Barkada. I guess you can say that school is still stressing me out like crazy; I cant stand all the work and reading that all my classes give me. They expect the class to do so much as if we dont have any other classes. Well, my last quarter of a Biotechnology major is almost over, so I have to continue working hard and look forward.
First night was the Kuya/Ate/Ading Chuck E Cheese Night. It was the day after our last volleyball game of the Fall Quarter. I definitely enjoyed this event. One of the better times to bond with my Ading. He drank a little bit that night, but it was all good, we still managed to play a lot of games and take a lot of pictures. It was as if I was a kid again playing on all the games and winning tickets. There are definitely going to be more games and times like these in the future; Im very fortunate to have the Ading that I have now.
Our next event happened right after Chuck E Cheese Night. It was our first Bowl4GK event that was made to help with the poverty in the Philippines. Im sure it turned out great, board made a team and we ended up making it to the second round of the brackets. I bowled my highest game of my life this weekend; I got a 164 and a Turkey. It was awesome.
Though Bowl4GK was fun, everybody was more excited to go crazy in Vegas. To put it short, we basically had a crazy time with Vegas and drinking. Im pretty sure I know my limits, I still havent thrown up yet which is good. Drinking isnt good, but I think its inevitable that I am enjoying it now... Anyways, before I begin feeling sorry for all these things, I met Dante Basco; hes Rufio. It was cool; Ana was playing poker right next to him. Other than that, I bonded with my Ading; which is probably why I really enjoyed this trip. For Die Hard nights, we do this thing where we brush each others teeth... I swore I was never going to be taken down by this, but they got me this weekend. All the guys ganged up on my and put peanut butter all over my face, up my nose, and stuck a banana in my mouth. Its all good fun though.
We had a lot of bonding conversations; some were interesting, or better yet, most of them were interesting. Some of them I already knew and some I didnt. Other than that, I just got reminded of the past of probably my only regret. I cant stop thinking about it. But thats the way life goes, and I just have to keep pushing and pushing to get through it all. Crazy thing about this weekend is that I saw two shooting stars outside of Victorville, so I made two wishes; both were the same. God knows; lets hope my prayers and wishes come true. It gives me hope.
Im a weakling, liar, and hypocrite...
I swore I was NOT going to change my major...
... that being said kids; Im changing my major. BOOOOOO!
I got tired and couldnt take it anymore. Looking into switching from Biotechnology to Computer Science OR Computer Information Systems. I like computers; not people [haha just kidding about that part].
Oh what a week what a week...
... so much has happened in a week! Im getting tired of writing lesson blogs rather than things that actually happened.
Anyways, besides that, heres a basic breakdown of all that has happened this week. I think Ill start with the SPUF Halloween party at Kyleens house. I will say that I had a lot of fun that night; though there are some things that I cant even remember about it. I was gagging that night; too much to drink I guess... well, remember how I said that I said some so called minor things that bothered me at Lumpia Night? Well, I guess it wasnt as small as I thought... I kind of broke down that night. Hello Emo. Toilet hugger. I do sort of regret that night, but then again I sort of dont as well. I feel more relieved that I got those issues out for people to know, and I also got to bond with my Ading; like hella bond. Rhea was there to comfort me as well. I never thought that I would break down in public... it just happened.
The usual came around during the week; practice, volleyball, workshops, and meetings. School is very stressful right now, Im having a difficult time concentrating from lack of sleep. Thursday night I drank again before and during Speedzone; I think I made a fool of myself. It was all good fun though; I do think that I need to settle down for real. Once again, I bonded with my Ading and got to chill with the Guys. Die Hard style. If you cant tell, Im really glad that I got Mark as my Ading. God knows hes probably reading this right now (Hey Ads). Things are looking good for the future.
If there is one thing that is bothering me a lot though is that I am missing my inners like crazy. I cant stand it. Im happy to be home this weekend, though I am missing a lot of Barkada events. Im glad to be home to be able to hang out with my family and chill with the Incredibles, Inners, and all of my friends that I miss. Sunday will have to be a study day though.
That is what is bothering me, but my drinking is making me really scared... Im officially a social drinker. And I have been identified as a talkative drinker; I cant stop talking when I drink. I really do think that I need to settle down. Four times in this past three weeks I drank; one of them going a bit over the top. Theres even a party next week... not with Barkada but with the Inners, its going to be Graces birthday.
Im losing Faith; its so bad. It is bothering me the most every night. Im sure Ive said it before, but I do pray every night. When I do pray, all I do is say sorry for not doing the right thing. After saying it so much I dont even know if I mean it or not... I know the path to get on the right track once again, its just waiting for me to jump on. I need a push.
I want you to know, if youve read this far readers, that though I do have all these concerns in my mind, overall, I am very happy. Im happy with the friends Ive made, the bonds Ive made, and the family Ive made. Im very content with how things are. The issues stated before are exactly what they are, issues. Those things bring me down; however, there are just too many things that are keeping me up.
Missing the inners...
... its been too long of a walk...
short, but not so sweet.
So lets see, were like half way into school now since my last blog that was over a month ago...
Anyways, this time Ill just write about things that have been going on then maybe a little lesson or question that Ill contemplate on in the end.
The first four or five weeks of school were massive stressful, I could hardly handle myself. Too much going on with family, school, friends, Barkada, and all of that. I havent been going to church lately which is bringing me down hard. I got to go last week and it felt great except that I begin feeling so guilty that Im letting so many people down...
Anyways, beside that point, commuting is hurting me physically and emotionally. Eh, so much driving is getting me so tired, I hardly sleep anymore. I really thought that I was going to be able to get a townhouse in Pomona soon; but things arent going as good as I thought. Its totally fine, but there are just some things that made me realize that I may not be at the same level as some of my loved ones. I just dont want to make it too obvious with what I was saying...
... Even worse, I drank. TWICE this week. How bad is that? Im not the kind of person to do something like that at all, I guess there are too many things bothering me and Ive been needing some relaxation... I ended up talking about all my problems putting burdens on those who were listening. God, I hate when that happens, I hate talking about my crap. Im sure I could handle things on my own; so I didnt say a lot, just some minor things that are bothering me.
On a happier note, we have been working on this event called friendship games that happened on Oct 21rst. Of the thirty two schools that went, our very own BARKADA won the SPUF trophy. As a whole the entire club has been working hard on creating the props and the huge jail cell. It was amazing. I lost my voice now and its really hard for me to talk, I want to go karaoke now.
Cool two, we also started volleyball again! Finally, a great way to release stress since I cant really practice martial arts anymore... I lost some of my skills but Im sure it will slowly come back to me.
Cool three, I got an Ading. How tight is that? I adopted him after my volleyball game. We ended up drinking and going to a club that night with Barkada. Dont worry kids, Ive never been drunk, just buzzed. Not that its a good thing though... Only on special occasions I guess or I need to relieve some stress. Anyways, hes a cool ading, I think hes better at me at everything. Shoot, I won winter formal prince; he was King. Better than me at Guitar Hero, probably better than me at Piano also. I dont know about Mah Jongg yet, but well see how that goes. Poster making, yeah hes ten times better than me. Its kind of weird, Ive never had a younger brother, I dont know how to treat him. My younger sister, I just be crazy over protective, but a bro? Well, Im proud to have an ading now; its going to be fun.
Anyways dear reader, please do not bother talking to me about my blogs, cause I notice that when I post them up talking about me at a personal level rather than as questions, I get bombarded with questions from everybody. No discussing this, after all its supposed to be somewhat of an online journal.
Ive got a lot of homework due tonight so I have to get crackin on it, stay safe kids, and stay fresh.
Sigh, shes pretty... To be continued...
SINO!?
A birthday wish. I dont know what I want for my birthday, in fact Im pretty sure that there isnt anything material that I could want. But after some thought, an obvious answer came to what I want for my birthday...
...
... it sounds kind of hopeless and sounds kind of pathetic. But its what I want. Maybe I know already, maybe I dont. Either way, please stop playing, stop making me jealous, unless something is going to start; though I know there is nothing. If not that, then at least Im praying and wishing for something new. Im ready for something new, or even something old.
Its all too simple, and its the simple things in my life that I appreciate most; but everything is so complicated.
... Hintayin mo ako...
Sorry if worded incorrectly.
Ran out of time. I know Ive probably made a blog or two about time and how we dont have a lot of it; but here is another one. Time is very limited and short; for those who have extra time on their hands, you are very fortunate. Sometimes when you find time to have fun, others seem to run out of it. Thats how I feel now. I found a small glimpse of time to hang out with my good ol buddies, but now theyve started school. Time is precious and try to use every second that youve got. Try to make it so that you dont have extra time and that you would make time if somebody needs it. You know what I mean? Ive come to the conclusion that stress is the opposite of time. If you have time, you dont have stress; however, the less time you get the more stress you get. I say deal with the stress so that youve utilized your time doing something productive. The main point of this right now is that make sure that you make time. Make time for some friends and family and sacrifice from other things. I had to give up time from the carwash and spend time with the family and friends. Spread out the time you have and put most of it into your priorities.
Make time for those who need it but spend time with those who deserve it...
Trust issues. Many people have trouble trusting people because of how they were brought up to be; such as myself. People feel that its best that they put up a front or act how people want them to act just for the factor that it would make other people feel better. I know thats how Ive always felt. Change is a hard thing as well as trusting people especially if you dont want people worrying about you. The thing is, in order to move on, you must trust people. I for one have to begin trusting more people, my friends. Ive only really trusted a selected few individuals who mean the world to me. But that will soon change.
Know that the people who want you to trust them really care for you and would feel much better knowing than not. Even if youve done something that hurts the other people, if they really want you to trust them, than what you tell them wont worsen your relationship with them, it would only make it better. You believe that you are creating a bond by putting up a front; in reality you are only creating a fake relationship. True friendship, true love, and true relationships need trust, support, and truthfulness. Otherwise, there is no point.
As a personal note, I would like to apologize to everybody that think they know me that Im sorry for putting up a front and being the way that would most likely fit your needs. Know that I am beginning to trust more people and that Im going to allow more people to know of my faults and errors. I am human. Speaking to God is one way great way to solve your problems; but there are times when I need more of a concrete counsel. God will always be my first solution; however, there will be more times when I could count on new trusted friends for advice.
Get ready to know me, the real me.
So I heard this really cool song by Gabe Bondoc. Its called Stronger Than. I cant seem to stop listening to it. To me this is what it means:
Basically, youll never know when it hits you; at least when you find her. Or maybe you already know her, you just keep denying your feelings. Youre what ifs and what nots are not going to impress her. Dont deny how you feel and just accept it. If you like a person then face the truth, you like that person whether you are already seeing somebody or that person is already seeing somebody. You cant deny it. If that person you like is not feeling the exact way you feel if not better than you do for her than she does for him, then she deserves better. She deservers better; she deserves you. Switch it around now. If you are already seeing somebody, if you dont have the same feelings if not better feelings than the way you feel for her than you feel for the one youre seeing, then you deserve better, you deserve her. Unfortunately, in situations like these, you have a decision to make. Somebodys heart is going to have to be broken; yours, hers, or his. This is how I feel to an extent. The words of the chorus keep ringing through my mind:
I swear Im stronger than these emotions, but theyre taking over me
Just remember what you deserve, if not what you deserve, remember what she deserves. If you honestly believe she deserves better or if you honestly believe that you deserve better, then she deserves you and you deserve her.
Forms of expression. Ive been really emotional on the inside lately. Nobody knows as usual. This very small form of depression is taking its toll on me. Im getting chubby. Thats just one of the few things... but not anymore. Forms of expression have come to me. Pick up from where you left off. Its one thing to bottle up feelings, emotions, and love; but its another story when you deny it. Forms of expression. Im getting back to my expressions. Still, people wont know of my issues, but Im letting things out personally. Let my anger flow within my workouts, turn that fat into muscle! Most of all, I wrote a few things a while back, and they were so sad... so it made me feel worse on the inside. But I have a new idea for a song. Its a bit more uplifting and resolving. And it makes me feel good on the inside because it is in fact how I feel about many things. Its called Even If. Basically, its a story for all the nice guys that would do anything for somebody they love even if they don't love them back. Sad? No. Hes okay with it and hes saying even if you dont love me, Ill walk with you by and by... Like all my deep inner thoughts, youll probably never hear of it. Maybe Ill post the lyrics later... Forms of expression; let it out.
Oh God, thanks for helping me out once again, I could only wish that I could help you the same way, but nothing I could do could ever repay the amount of love and sacrifice you have given me... and I still go against your word regretful and sorrowful every time. When will I learn? When will I learn...
You know, it doesnt matter if the day was bad or if the day was good, as long as the day was spent. Washington DC was alright, I mean it was a good use of my time. The weather was horrible and even though we all felt horrible throughout the whole day, it felt great to spend some time with the family. I just have to say that spending time with family is one of the many things that I dont get to do as often as I want to do anymore. Makes you wish you could have done more in the past.
Apparently my Lolo had financial problems and had to sell their house that I was staying in. Ill have to commute to Cal Poly everyday which is going to be very hard. Im sure Ill be able to handle all the driving to a certain extent. Theres going to be a point when Im going to crack! Im looking for an apartment to stay at; more preferably at a friends place. Im not sure what Im going to do, all I know is that hopefully things will turn out good in the end. Ill keep praying!
I really miss my friends. I havent been able to hang around them as much as I want to because Im stuck doing a lot of work. Summer school is over and my summer has officially started yet I dont have a lot of time to celebrate with my friends. I need to find time, I need to make time. A reunion is desperately needed right now because its literally been months since the last time I hung out with some of them. I just want to be with the inner circle, nobody else.
God, take these feelings away, they never were meant to be. Or were they? Just take it away please, every time I look; it breaks me. One day, Ill have my own... one day.
... Jared, youre here, but youre not here...
... Jared, youre hardly around anymore...
... Jared, we dont see you that much nowadays...
... Jared, its about time we got to hang out...
Too many people have been saying the same thing to me. Time is a very important thing that everybody needs. God knows I need time. Along with time are your priorities, set your priorities straight. Every once in awhile, time and your priorities get mixed up and there is not enough time to get to all your priorities and you CANT make time. From personal experience, Ive already cut about two hours of sleep a night out so I have more time to do work on things. I miss my friends because I havent been able to hang out with them as much. Barkada E-Board has taken up every Saturday that I have had free for awhile. Friends always come first and before Barkada; however, Ive been concentrating more on Barkada because my friends will ALWAYS be there and they dont mind if I cant make it to an event. On the other hand, Barkada is much more demanding and strict. In any case, friends are still higher on the priorities list.
My main point is that you need to keep your priorities straight as well as keeping your time ready. I have no time, I am a very busy person now. There are some friends that I really miss and if I could hang out with them at 1:30 in the morning right now, Id definitely be willing to sacrifice my sleep.
... I miss the parties, I miss the hang outs, and I miss all that fun... but most of all, I miss that warm feeling of home and my own bed to sleep in...
Sheer optimism. Just look on the bright side of things. There is always an upside to everything. Just be glad. But dont be too optimistic. I am sure that a good number of you dont agree with all the ideals that I have, and even some of the things that I say contradict each other. Im still learning. Im sure many of you are still learning as well. So Ill try to leave optimistically even though there are many negatives. Everythings cool, next time! Hopefully there will be a next time. Lets things optimistically. Id really like that. Make the best of what things are right now, dont make the worst of things. Cause that would be POINTLESS. Unless there are some exceptions....
Lets think optimistically *wink wink*
Youre a good friend Jared... BUT, I want you to be happy...
But am I? I constantly ask the same question over and over again... I say Im happy, and I think I am, but Im not sure. I always have second thoughts about the things I do. Nobody wants people to step all over me. I do have my standards that prevent people from stepping all over me, but usually I let people have it their way. WHY? I do it because I am afraid of disappointment, dissatisfaction, anything negative on the other side. I rather take all the crap and put it on my side for them. So, I really arent always happy with the decisions that I make. EVEN though its the right thing to do, Im not always happy with it. Or is it the right thing to do? There are so many arguments and sides to whether it is right or not. Theres a reason for everything. And shouldnt I be happy for doing the right thing? Unless Im doing the wrong thing. These are just the few things of many things that Im lost with. Why do it for humility? Why always put your so called happiness on the side? Humility is a virtue, simply stated. Thats what Ive believed for a long time, and will most likely will continue to do so. Even for future reference Im probably going to do the same thing over and over again. Things that kill me: Disappointment and guilt..
I never want people to feel disappointed in me and I hate having the feeling of guilt for doing something do others...
Feeling burnt out? I know I am... lets start this lesson...
Just keep things on track. Theres always time for rest but try to keep it at a minimum. I only allow myself eight hours a night even if I was late the night before. Eight hours is more than enough sleep to get you through the day. Keep working on school and make sure that you dont procrastinate even though everybody does. Keep priorities straight, as long as you continue to do that, things will remain in shape. If you havent noticed, it is only when your priorities arent on par is when things go all wrong. My priorities are not in shape right now, Im putting too many things in front of school, more on the lines of free time. Keep your priorities straight, school may not be number one or even close to your priorities, but whatever they are, keep them on top and keep working at it! Otherwise, youll end up like me stressing the night before a HUGE project is due. Im kind of sad thought right now, I have no love interest at the moment. When I made the straw cover into the knot, I had no idea of what girl to think about... cause I had none, its been awhile since I had no interest in any girl, maybe the new freshman? But thats not important, remember, its things like that that make your priorities all crooked.
... if you fill up the jar with too much sand, there wont be enough room for the golf balls...
If youve noticed, my blogs have taken a turn to lessons rather than personal experiences. I like the confidentiality of it this way while still providing lessons that I want people to learn =)
Get back in shape and stop sitting around! Its summer, have a blast! Seriously, theres no need to sit down and be sad and theres no reason to do nothing. Get back into shape. Go out and run! Go out and swim! Go to the beach and have a good time. Try not to worry too much with all the drama. The drama is there granted, but dont waste your summer thinking about it. Sit back and relax, enjoy what time you have. Im not worrying about girls right now and Im not worrying about drama, technically Im worrying about school. Which leads to several important points. Remember to keep your priorities straight. Put things in the front before you worry about something. That being said, get back in shape and stop laying around doing nothing. Your getting fat. Im getting fat. Which is why Im getting back into shape. Enjoy your summer, it is very short. Especially you seniors. My last summer as a senior was definitely memorable and Im making every summer memorable for now on. Try your best to make every moment memorable. Make videos, pictures, albums, etc. whatever it takes to keep the memories. I love making videos (Im in the process of creating a summer video). Find a hobby and do it. Whether its something musical (like what I enjoy doing on my free time) or simple. Just keep going and doing something productive. Always be productive.
That being said, go out and have fun! Happy 4th of July.
So I read this really cool quote that got me thinking the other day, it went as follows: If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesnt, it never was. A quote by DMX. Shall I explain my two cents upon this topic?
There are many things that you may find to like or maybe even love in this world. But as DMX said, try and let it go. IF that thing that you love truly has the same feelings back to you, then that thing will come back. Now I know that many of you may be thinking that this one thing is a girl or a significant other, but dont always think that way. This thing could be anything. But just for the sake of confusion, lets pretend that this one thing is in fact a significant other. The hardest thing is letting go, and its true. If you have a hard time letting go of that one special someone you may like because of so many coincidences in personality or happenings, then its of no surprise. As I said in a speech a few days ago, just let it go. Can you do it? If it comes back, then its YOURS. Sure, youll be sad if she doesnt come back but be happy that she is going after something that she loves and unfortunately it wont be you. Its the hardest thing, ACCEPTANCE. Accept defeat and accept your losses. Theres not much to evaluate on this quote, its pretty much self explanatory. I just found it very interesting and useful with the many mishaps Ive had in life... it answered me so to speak...
Ive let go of many things in life that I didnt want to, and unfortunately none of them came back. Hopefully in the future I will find something that will...
Spend each day as if its your last. Cause it just might be. Really though. Go out as much as you can, spend each minute you can with someone, become really intimate with the close friends that you have. Life is short, sometimes shorter than expected. Lifes unfair, but fairness is absolutely boring. BE UNFAIR. Give more than you take until you have nothing. Once youve given it all just let it go. Forget the bad times and regret every minute. Live a life of no regrets? I live a life full of regret. I regret not learning this, I regret not saying that, I regret not doing this so now Im going to go do it! DO IT. Always regret cause if you dont you are finished. I dont regret doing [x] cause I never would have been able to do [y] if I did [x]. Well couldnt you have done more for [y]? DO MORE. Youve never done ENOUGH. Never be content. Always be excited! Be anxious. Make fun. Never stand still. Be afraid. Be brave. Lose with effort and win without pride but acknowledge your mistakes. Live life to the fullest, live life with regrets, live life under pressure, and live life under limits and standards. Keep your moral fiber strong and never let it break. Go now and live life like theres not tomorrow full of regret, full of standards, and full of moral fiber. Stay strong my friends...
... be humiliated and truly sorry for everything you have and havnt done...
Wow. Today was our first E-Board meeting. Good stuff. Im really excited for this years board. We are going to have a great year! Hopefully we will be able to meet the expectations of last year and possibly exceed them. I know we can do it. Ive got my work cut out for me along with the rest of the board. My summer is pretty much complete taken up. I mean, theres definitely going to be a lot of fun with Barkada, but I dont want to be completely left out of my old buddies you know? I really want to spend time with my Incredibles and Inner Circle. I guess whatever time I can find Im going to use it spending time with them. Ive got summer school and that doesnt take up too much time, I just have to make sure that I dont procrastinate on my work. The work at VVC is really easy though. Its a huge relief compared to Cal Poly. This summer is going to be really exciting! Everything seems to be going by so fast. A lot of my summer has been spent doing so many things, no time to relax always busy doing something. Then again, thats just how I like it. My cousin Nicolle graduated! Wooo congratulations! We have several grad parties to go to this summer too =). I love summer and the beach!
Jared, its a little unfair. I really think you should reconsider your own feelings before putting others in front of you... for as long as Ive known you, youve been doing this and I dunno... sometimes I cant believe and I dont understand why you do the things you do for them. You give up your own hopes to bring light to others... why? If it makes you feel this way... why?
It was a conversation something like that. Maybe not word for word, but it was something like that. Truth is, I dont know why I do that. I cant seem to be able to do something that I want to do if it causes harm to somebody else regardless of my feelings. Its not peer pressure because I have a strong resistance to some things. But I try, I really do, I go after my own passions but if I see that it hurts somebody else Ill give up cause it just doesnt feel right. I want to be able to be a [ ], I want to be able to [ ], I want [ ], but I refuse to allow myself to even if I can get what I want... why? (Ive left those blank because I dont know what to place in there except in some cases I do know but shall remain in secret...) Cause in almost every case, it bothers somebody else, and I CANT STAND that. Guilt hurts me just as much as disappointment whether its from my family, my friends, or even my so called enemies.
Its all about YOU Jared, its all ABOUT YOU and nobody else...
Yet another conversation with another friend. I thought that I could grasp that concept. He asked me what is the one thing that you want? It took me a long time to answer... and I gave whatever came up at the top of my mind, I said that I wanted to go to Heaven when my life is over... I want my golden ticket. Thats what I want in the end... but I didnt know what I wanted right now... and to tell you the truth, I still dont. And theres just no way it could be all about me... cause how could I expect to leave an impression on everybody if its all about me? If its all about me, where does everybody else fit in? I dunno... I want to go after my own dreams, but sometimes I just have to give it all up... cause I will always believe that its all about you and NEVER about me... Im too selfish. Im sorry bro, I dont think that I can ever truly grasp that concept of yours...
The beach was great. I was so excited to go since its been a long time since I went to the beach. I think it was the first time this year I went to the beach! Crazy! I missed it a lot though. I missed all the BBQs, the bonfires, the smores, the ocean in general, the talks, etc etc. Im going again on Monday with The Incredibles so its going to be a blast since we always make the best of it.
So I start summer school on June 19. I was only able to get two classes though because the transfer credits arent that good with VVC to Cal Poly. Its alright though... Im just going to have to make it up sometime in my years of college. Summers going to be fun! I can feel it. Ive got a good number of plans for summer already with friends, family, and Barkada. And speaking of Barkada...
... banquet was fun! I really had a good time. I wasnt going crazy though, I was acting real chill. My date was cool, and I won some really cool votes! The food was alright... it was like one of those fancy restaurant servings where they give you like a quarter of what you really want for four times the price that its really worth(dont worry though, the food at banquet was free!). I won best dressed for boys, Im not too sure how that happened when I just go to school with a shirt and pants... or do I? =P. Jowee won for girls. I also won freshman of the year. Wow! Along with Lyssa. Aww, Im not going to see her for the rest of summer maybe. So, then we had E-board positions announced. I won for external rep. NICE! So, thirteen positions are as follows:
- Historian: Vince
- External: Me
- MCC: Pat
- BEC: Dom
- Treas: Rhea
- PR: Anne
- Academics: Erin
- Cultrual: Leo
- Social: Jowee
- Sports: Perry
- Sec: Joy
- Vice: Ana
- Pres: Mike
Chad gave me his word. Haha. Well, to a well year! It was fun. Im the youngest E-board member... but dont count me out! Im going to bring some great things to this family.
Argument for the blue book:
Well, there seems to be a bit of controversy about this so called mistake. So I will explain to you why I am CORRECT in claiming that this image is in fact a BLUE BOOK.
1) Its not blue
2) Its not a book
Now here is my claim for believing that it is in fact a blue book.
The first premise is that:
1) It's not blue
Well, there is some blue in it, it may not be completely blue, but I would agree that there is some blue. As it does take the two primary colors to make that color, blue being one of them and yellow being the other. But seeing that it could be arguable, I could let that slide with me being 50% accurate...
The second premise is that:
2) It's not a book
WELL, I think I win this one 100%. If you look at the picture, you don't even have to look at it closely, it says in big bold letters [Mini Essay BOOK.] Now I may be wrong, but I think that that evidence is a very reliable reason to believe that it is in fact a book.
So in conclusion, if we add both of these percentages together, I was 75% accurate, since both of these premises make up half of the overall accuracy and I was 50% accurate on the first premise and 100% correct on the second, averaging them out makes me 75% accurate. Now I may be wrong again, but I won the higher half of being correct than incorrect and because you can only be correct or incorrect, I was CORRECT in saying that that is in fact a blue book. If you have any questions feel free to call 1-760(yes Victorville)-IAM-RIGHT =). Good day.
PEACE & Love
I cant do it. I cant take [it] away from [him]. [He] adores [it], and I would be the worst person in the world to steal [it] away... even though I want [it] too, but Im undeserving. I better just let [it] go...
[For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.] I guess that goes with [it] as well. To gain [it], one must lose [it]...
God, please provide me with the graces to let go, even though I dont want to... please, I cant do it... please, break my heart... for them... because Ive made a mistake not knowing the whole situation... but at least whisper for me if you can...
Replay: Whisper Ernie Halter
-Tell me, what kind of man, lets love slip away and leave such a good thing behind?
[hint] think high school...
I find it depressing. One week it’s as if we like each other unable to let go; while the next it’s just like “whatever.” I keep telling myself, “maybe if I keep waiting, the chance will happen,” even though they all tell me, “sorry Jared, as of now you don’t have a chance…” All the while I’m waiting, I’ve passed up chances; but I’m so typical, so stubborn, and so shallow… too many opportunities arise that I pass. And now, I took a chance even though I’m waiting. A while back a friend made a prediction of my future of how I would meet my “dream,” and strange as it was I’m in a situation like that now. I took a chance, a crazy one. I’m tired of waiting, I’m falling asleep as I grasp the light switch. Should I put my hopes in dreams and awake to new ones or continue waiting until the door opens? I think it’s best that I turn out the lights; but I still hesitate to switch it on off…
On a side note: prom was fun.
PACN was quite the experience. Built better bonds, worked under stress, and provided a voice to the community. It felt great to go out there and do it! The feeling was like a long adrenaline rush the whole time! My heart was pumping the whole time, that’s even how I woke up! I’ll never forget all the practices we did and all the hard work that we all had to do to achieve this PACN. To me, this was the most heartfelt and strong PACN regardless of other people’s thoughts because to me, it made my family, friends, and my loved ones proud of all the work we all went through. We all worked as a family to do this, and that is exactly what we are; ohana. And as one of my truly inspiring friends said who actually provided me with counsel: “The hardest things in life get the greatest rewards” and we all worked hard for this and the reward was absolutely amazing. Thanks for the talk; I hardly do those kind of things. May God’s graces go within this new family.
