**EDIT, this post was made at night
Its funny, as the day moves on, I feel SO much better. I guess, feelings over react when things seem down. At the end of the day, things seem much better.
Im planning to take twenty units this quarter by the way. Yeah. Im ok. Time to get busy once again!
**EDIT, this post was made in the afternoon
Well, it seems that when things start out as going up; sooner or later things begin to go down. Happy about somethings, not so happy about others. So I got straight As this quarter. Rock on! I can check that off of things to do from my new years resolution. Im really happy about other things too; things that cant be spoken.
But it seems that there are more things that are bringing be down than bringing me up. That house that I was supposed to move into since last year doesnt seem to be happening anytime soon. Im stuck. I dont know where to go. Maybe I should just sleep in the car… whatever. And then that whole family thing. Like I said, it SUCKS. Always bringing me down. Always. I dont seem to be very close to my siblings or my parents. I guess two siblings are bound to be more closer than another. Thats how it works I guess. And so I stayed with my Mom while she went to work at Sherman Oaks. I thought it would be cool; bounding time you know? For some reason it felt awkward for me. Im sure my brother and sister could do it anytime without a problem. I should feel happy when I see my family, I should feel relieved; but lately for some reason it just feels awkward. And then they dont understand how much work I do. All I do is work hard to impress them and all they could do is ask me to work harder because things arent always going to be easy for me. First, things are NEVER easy for me. Second, how could I do more work? Ive worked already so hard as it is and I barely have the energy to drive. I cant sleep. Theres no time for that! And Im in uncomfortable conditions when I do have time! So I have to work harder? Get a job? Is it that hard for them to see that Im working hard? So Im not getting money out of it; doesnt mean that Im not working hard. I cant stand it sometimes. I guess thats why Ive been getting annoyed lately. Because they dont understand how much Im working and they expect me to do more.
Things are going ok for me right now. Not the best. Just ok. I have only one place where Im relieved and relaxed and excited to go to. And even there Im the only one messing up. But thats my only source of happiness right now; and its the most important thing that I have. The thing that I love the most. I hope I stop messing up. But I know it will always be there; no matter what. Lets hope that things pick up within the next couple of weeks. Ill try to work harder.
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