Secret Identity

Everyone wants to be seen as a hero, as a saint, as an amazing individual with skills and trademarks that set them apart from the crowd.  To perform the impossible and to be rewarded for their humane and courageous acts making them seem anything but human.  To save lives, to inspire, to make their mark, to influence, to make a difference, and in general to be an genuine role model for followers to imitate.  The world is their pallet and they are the artist shaping it into what is said to be good and justice.  I am one of those individuals who wish to do that and I am one of those individuals who accomplish the aforementioned.  I speak, I write, I act, and I perform.  I am a legend...

... there's no wonder why heroes have a secret identity that remains to be untold.  It's the only true evidence that they are human and that they can make mistakes just as much as the next person.  They have troubles, they have hardships, they have problems, and they can't do the impossible as much as they'd like to believe they could.  They don't shine and the good majority of the time it's their "hero" identity that overshadows and overpowers the secret identity.  It's the hero that everyone is desperate to hear about and learn about; it's their famous accomplishments that anyone would want to be part of.  The hero has the perfect costume and outfit to hide the secret identity and as much as the hero is glorified and congratulated, the secret identity remains forgotten... people fall in love with the hero, not the identity.

Most people know me as the Academic Chair of Barkada, the President of Pilipino Graduation, the External Affairs from two years ago, the guy in charge of the Kuya/Ate program, and as one of the "Legends" who has done unbelievable things with many credentials.  But for those who have seen the secret side of me, the side that has cried, the side that has failed, the side that needs help, that side that needs that hand, and the side that makes me human... No number of fans and cheers can ever surpass the amount of love I have and felt for you.

... so for now on, I plan on finding the secret identity in heroes and congratulate them for being human; fall in love with the secret identity, not the hero.

Lunch Pails and Brown Paper Bags

I still bring a lunch bag to school everyday.

Packed inside is a sandwhich, juice, chips, and occasionally a nice sweet.  If not a sandwhich, leftovers from the day before with some rice, a spork, and napkins to clean up the mess.  I don't make it though, I'm lucky enough to have my parents find time to do such a simple task...  at least it seems simple.

I mean, how difficult can it be?  Get a brown paper bag or a lunch pail with some small plastic bags on the side, pack them with the goods, seal it up, and head on my way.  I can do it myself if I really wanted to in less than five minutes.  I mean how difficult can it be?

With 6 weeks left, I'm beginning to understand more why they take the time to put in a good quality lunch for me.  Something that I think would only take me five minutes to make actually wouldn't even come close to amount to the quality that parents could put in lunch pails and brown paper bags; it took them twenty one years to perfect the exact recipe to fill a bag of love.

Call it childish, but I don't ask them to make it; they just do.  With me soon to be graduating from college... I think they're trying to do whatever they can to remind themselves that I'm still their child; that despite me becoming a grown man with a head full of hair and a back carrying the world they can still help and that I could depend on them.  In essence, they want to feel that I still need them to live and go through life.  That something so simple as providing lunch pails and packing brown paper bags is a necessity in my life...

... I think the sad part of all of this is that I've realized that... it's not; it used to be, but not anymore.  I'm not saying that I don't appreciate it because I appreciate all that they've done beyond words and written material; far beyond story book rhymes and college textbooks.  Far beyond allowance and providing for the family.  Far beyond birthdays, dinners, get-togethers, and parties.  Far beyond; I appreciate it so far beyond it all.

... and I think the sadder part of all of this, is that they've realized it too.  I'm able, I'm independent, and I'm in my adulthood now.  They're no longer at the door holding my lunch pails and brown paper bags as I rush off to school and leave home for seven hours of school anxiously waiting to come back home with food ready on the stove.  Now it's a simple note on the table as I wake up at the crack of dawn to start my day: "Anak, don't forget your baon; love Mom & Dad."

... I'll never forget my baon, and I'll never forget what truly lies in my lunch pails and brown paper bags; I'll never make it as good as you have.

What Kind Of Asian Are You?!?

You have got to be kidding me.

I had no idea that I could be directly described to a misfit, uneducated,  delinquent with absolutely no respect.

Fuck the police?  Last time I checked Asians including Filipinos made up less than 5% of the incarceration rates.

Not the smartest?  Are you serious?  Is it because we're too busy vandalizing, dancing, and getting our "five finger discounts" wherever we can?  How can you be so closed minded?

If there is anything that 1st generation Filipino parents push for is the continued education of their sons and daughters for a promising and stable future.

Don't ever let a quiz define me as a character or allow an individual to judge me with pre-existing notions from an incriminating, stereotypical, falsely accused, irrational, and unrealistic propoganda.

Fuck.

Contributing to Your All Time Lows

My heart breaks for your loss. All I can do is remain mute while I watch your world crumble. Unfortunately, for myself and yours, my actions have only contributed to your downfall rather than your uprising.

Bon chance mon amis; je suis tres desole.

... then again it's always been the same problem between you and I; bad timing. Bad timing to hurt me, and most definitely bad timing to hurt you. My intentions were never to bring your world down but to turn things around; a task that takes time and rather than paving a path I've sent you off blind down a dangerous forked road.

May I simply be a small segment from your past nuances left behind with all your unnecessary memories and may you find the silver lining in your clouded days.

There is nothing I can do anymore; but watch you disappear down a trail that not even I can tell you where it ends.

I wish you the best.

FYI#40: You’ll have to understand that at some occasions, it’s best if you don’t get involved and remain a ghost in another person’s life.

The Art of Forgiveness

It's so much easier to forgive and to forget and to not worry about guilt and disappointment... or wait, disappointment? By forgiving, of course you don't have to worry about guilt, but disappointment?

How do you know that you won't be disappointed again? In context, what's the point in forgiveness if you have that gut feeling that you're going to be let down again for the same reasons? Forgiveness in a sense isn't something that you can just give; it has to be earned. It's a renewal of trust and and a promise that you won't be hurt again. As much as somebody can say I'm sorry, do you know exactly what you're sorry for? Are you completely knowledgeable for the things that you've done and incoherently sorry for that or are you just sorry for the fact that you may lose a friendship? If it's the latter, unfortunately, your sorry doesn't mean anything.

You have to understand the pain and suffering that somebody has gone through to truly be sorry for your actions. You can't apologize and run; how can you expect somebody to forgive you if you haven't heard their side of the story? Apologize, stand your ground, take a hit, and listen to the damage that you've caused in another person.

Forgiveness is an art, it's like taking a damanged piece of work, painting over the ugly parts, and making it into something new; because when you're finally entirely forgiven for your actions, you'll find that you've made a stronger relationship than what you've had before.

Like I said before, it's so much easier to forgive and to forget, but sometimes you have to turn the other cheek to get a hard lesson learned to be completely forgiven.