Ran out of time. I know Ive probably made a blog or two about time and how we dont have a lot of it; but here is another one. Time is very limited and short; for those who have extra time on their hands, you are very fortunate. Sometimes when you find time to have fun, others seem to run out of it. Thats how I feel now. I found a small glimpse of time to hang out with my good ol buddies, but now theyve started school. Time is precious and try to use every second that youve got. Try to make it so that you dont have extra time and that you would make time if somebody needs it. You know what I mean? Ive come to the conclusion that stress is the opposite of time. If you have time, you dont have stress; however, the less time you get the more stress you get. I say deal with the stress so that youve utilized your time doing something productive. The main point of this right now is that make sure that you make time. Make time for some friends and family and sacrifice from other things. I had to give up time from the carwash and spend time with the family and friends. Spread out the time you have and put most of it into your priorities.

Make time for those who need it but spend time with those who deserve it...

Trust Issues

Trust issues.  Many people have trouble trusting people because of how they were brought up to be; such as myself.  People feel that its best that they put up a front or act how people want them to act just for the factor that it would make other people feel better.  I know thats how Ive always felt.  Change is a hard thing as well as trusting people especially if you dont want people worrying about you.  The thing is, in order to move on, you must trust people.  I for one have to begin trusting more people, my friends.  Ive only really trusted a selected few individuals who mean the world to me.  But that will soon change.

Know that the people who want you to trust them really care for you and would feel much better knowing than not.  Even if youve done something that hurts the other people, if they really want you to trust them, than what you tell them wont worsen your relationship with them, it would only make it better.  You believe that you are creating a bond by putting up a front; in reality you are only creating a fake relationship.  True friendship, true love, and true relationships need trust, support, and truthfulness.  Otherwise, there is no point.

As a personal note, I would like to apologize to everybody that think they know me that Im sorry for putting up a front and being the way that would most likely fit your needs.  Know that I am beginning to trust more people and that Im going to allow more people to know of my faults and errors.  I am human.  Speaking to God is one way great way to solve your problems; but there are times when I need more of a concrete counsel.  God will always be my first solution; however, there will be more times when I could count on new trusted friends for advice.

Get ready to know me, the real me.

Stronger Than

So I heard this really cool song by Gabe Bondoc. Its called Stronger Than. I cant seem to stop listening to it. To me this is what it means:

Basically, youll never know when it hits you; at least when you find her. Or maybe you already know her, you just keep denying your feelings. Youre what ifs and what nots are not going to impress her. Dont deny how you feel and just accept it. If you like a person then face the truth, you like that person whether you are already seeing somebody or that person is already seeing somebody. You cant deny it. If that person you like is not feeling the exact way you feel if not better than you do for her than she does for him, then she deserves better. She deservers better; she deserves you. Switch it around now. If you are already seeing somebody, if you dont have the same feelings if not better feelings than the way you feel for her than you feel for the one youre seeing, then you deserve better, you deserve her. Unfortunately, in situations like these, you have a decision to make. Somebodys heart is going to have to be broken; yours, hers, or his. This is how I feel to an extent. The words of the chorus keep ringing through my mind:

I swear Im stronger than these emotions, but theyre taking over me

Just remember what you deserve, if not what you deserve, remember what she deserves. If you honestly believe she deserves better or if you honestly believe that you deserve better, then she deserves you and you deserve her.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

Forms of expression. Ive been really emotional on the inside lately. Nobody knows as usual. This very small form of depression is taking its toll on me. Im getting chubby. Thats just one of the few things... but not anymore. Forms of expression have come to me. Pick up from where you left off. Its one thing to bottle up feelings, emotions, and love; but its another story when you deny it. Forms of expression. Im getting back to my expressions. Still, people wont know of my issues, but Im letting things out personally. Let my anger flow within my workouts, turn that fat into muscle! Most of all, I wrote a few things a while back, and they were so sad... so it made me feel worse on the inside. But I have a new idea for a song. Its a bit more uplifting and resolving. And it makes me feel good on the inside because it is in fact how I feel about many things. Its called Even If. Basically, its a story for all the nice guys that would do anything for somebody they love even if they don't love them back. Sad? No. Hes okay with it and hes saying even if you dont love me, Ill walk with you by and by... Like all my deep inner thoughts, youll probably never hear of it. Maybe Ill post the lyrics later... Forms of expression; let it out.

Oh God, thanks for helping me out once again, I could only wish that I could help you the same way, but nothing I could do could ever repay the amount of love and sacrifice you have given me... and I still go against your word regretful and sorrowful every time. When will I learn? When will I learn...

Recap

You know, it doesnt matter if the day was bad or if the day was good, as long as the day was spent.  Washington DC was alright, I mean it was a good use of my time.  The weather was horrible and even though we all felt horrible throughout the whole day, it felt great to spend some time with the family.  I just have to say that spending time with family is one of the many things that I dont get to do as often as I want to do anymore.  Makes you wish you could have done more in the past.

Apparently my Lolo had financial problems and had to sell their house that I was staying in.  Ill have to commute to Cal Poly everyday which is going to be very hard.  Im sure Ill be able to handle all the driving to a certain extent.  Theres going to be a point when Im going to crack!  Im looking for an apartment to stay at; more preferably at a friends place.  Im not sure what Im going to do, all I know is that hopefully things will turn out good in the end.  Ill keep praying!

I really miss my friends.  I havent been able to hang around them as much as I want to because Im stuck doing a lot of work.  Summer school is over and my summer has officially started yet I dont have a lot of time to celebrate with my friends.  I need to find time, I need to make time.  A reunion is desperately needed right now because its literally been months since the last time I hung out with some of them.  I just want to be with the inner circle, nobody else.

God, take these feelings away, they never were meant to be.  Or were they?  Just take it away please, every time I look; it breaks me.  One day, Ill have my own... one day.