Pause, Rewind, Fastforward, Play, Repeat

PAUSE

Here we are at the end of 2008; tears, laughter, happiness, anger, dispair, love, h8... change is in progress as we move out of the old ways and into a new era. Change has always been in progress; no year has ever been the same. Much has left to be done in the United States as we focus on making every individual equal in some form or another.

Stop, look, and listen: My own personal battles continue to this day and will continue into the new year. Battle for love, battle for equality, battle for rights, battle for knowledge, battle for money, battle for happiness, battle for dreams, and battle for life. I'm still searching for love, America in many ways has found equality and in many others has not, rights are still yet to be given, I'm continuing my education as I work towards my degree, money is always a constant struggle, and like many others I'm still trying to live the dream of my pursuit of happiness.

REWIND

Looking back, a lot has happened this year and I've gained a lot of experience. If I were to label this year with one word, I'd label it as a year of repair. At the end of 2007, I hit rock bottom with love, life, and happiness. I lost love, I didn't want to live, and happiness seemed so far away. Loneliness was all around me and I felt a huge depression by myself. It has taken a lot of courage, pride, and determination to get where I am today; happier than ever. I've gotten over my heartache, I'm walking a new road and I'm content whether it's by myself or with others, I've gained new friends and a new family, and I have plenty of supporters. I've climbed back up. There's another side of me that others have experienced as my true self continues to bring light and insight into my own self as well as those around me.

FASTFORWARD

Looking into 2009, I hope more dreams come true. I hope to grow more as an individual as well as a partner. I hope to fight for more rights other than those that affect me. I hope to help someone everyday. I hope to trust more. I hope to save a life. I hope to live my life. And as ironic as it may sound, I hope that some of my goals and dreams are not met and that I do have hardships and struggles. I don't hope to reach all of my goals.

Stability is something that supposedly everybody soughts for. I'm not looking for stability though I am looking for equality. A fine line of distinction rests between these two. I'll say once more, I am not looking for stability. I always want to be fighting for something, I always want to working for a goal, I always want to be helping somebody, and I always want to know that in some way or another I can help; stability takes all of that away. Yes, I am fighting for equality; I wish for everybody to be equal. Stability, in that sense, I am looking for. Stability as in I have nothing worth fighting for or working towards, I do not wish to have. There's always something to fight for...

I want to be written down in history...

PLAY AND REPEAT

Let's press play now as we begin this new year. Let 2009 be the end of 200h8 discrimin8ion and 8igotry, the marker for change, and the beginning of the rise above intolerance and inequality. let's not repeat as that will only end in defeat and defiance.

Let's change this world, let's save lives, and let's make a difference. Walk with me.

Own Medicine

I'll be fine. Thanks for giving me a taste of my own medicine:

I'm more likely to catch you, put you on your feet, brush the dirt off your clothes, tie your shoes, tell you to watch your step, and send you on your way while I'll go mine...

After my previous blog, I think I've answered my own question; I'm sure that the way I handle these type of situations is the right way. With the help that you gave, it'll be that much easier to get out of this loophole.

It's just one of those cases where we know it's right, but it just can't happen. We both knew that "we" just weren't possible (trust me, I knew it and I know you did too), but it was just more difficult for me to give up. Thanks, you're bigger and stronger than me; you're a good person. We'll be travelling the world in opposite directions soon (figuratively and literally), so until next time, "cheers!"

I'll send you off now; I'm not going to battle it out anymore.

A Goal, A Dream, A Nightmare

How disappointing, I've had the same new year's resolution for two years now that I've put off. Actually, it's more like a goal; a goal that I still haven't met.

I'm too much of a coward; I don't thing I have enough courage to reach my goal. The longer I prolong it, the further away I feel I stray from my family. I'm more afraid of the risk; I have no idea what the outcome could be like.

Is it my dream? Or is it my nightmare? I'm too weak; I don't want my resolution of two years to be the same for next year...

... but I still have five days.

I hope that day comes before next year.

Face Plant

Falling is funny; most of the time people use the metaphor to ask, "Are you going to catch me?" In many situations, it's hit or miss, black or white, right or wrong, catch or fall, etc. It's even more frustrating for me to hear some say:

Don't fall for me, I won't catch you...

Personally, I'm not the type of guy to say something like that. If you fall for me, I'm more likely to catch you, put you on your feet, brush the dirt off your clothes, tie your shoes, tell you to watch your step, and send you on your way while I'll go mine; I've heard that I'm too nice.

I'm not sure which is more troubling: Having somebody catch you while you hold on or hitting rock bottom and see them walk away. I guess this is how they define what a "gentleman" is versus a "jerk."

Maybe this answers the life question that so many guys ask, "Why do they like jerks?" Some see relationships like ripping off band-aids: if they're hurt they rather have it quick and excruciating while others rather have it slow and more sparse out.

Going along the metaphor of "falling," I've noticed that some fall quick and hard but pop right back up; while on the other side, some hardly fall at all but when they do, it's impossible for them to stand once more. Label these two categories whichever way you want; personally I don't think that's the key point here. The important fact is that either way you fall, in the end, it hurts; it hurts a lot.

Being the over analytical person, I just wanted to break down this metaphor. I don't fall often; in fact, if I were to count how many real crushes I've had, it'd probably be only two. However, when I do fall, I don't think "falling" is the right word to describe myself...

... It's more like I trip unexpectedly, do an extremely hard face plant, slide down a cold slope thus creating a huge snowball with my body inside it, fall over cliff down hundreds of feet onto a metal ramp yet somehow breaking free of the snowball while standing, and launch myself off the into the skies helplessly waving my arms in the air until I finally hit the floor head first with my legs sticking up in the air as I sink deeper into the quicksand with my whole body broken making it impossible to move or get out... I think that's a good way to describe it.

If I could change the chemicals in my brain to fall more often, I probably would so that I wouldn't seem like the person who will "never find anybody good enough for them." Look, I love and enjoy everybody that I meet and treat them exactly how I would with anyone else; I am truly sorry if my brain can't seem to develop feelings (not saying that someone has "fallen" for me right now; this is just for future reference).

So if I do fall for somebody, I'd rather much say, "I've face planted for you."

...

... and yes, right about now, I think "I've face planted for you."

Work

Love it or hate it, just do what you gotta do... but do what you love
and love what you do.

Work now play later.
--
Sent from Jared's Awesome T-Mobile Sidekick®

Foolish Heart

I treat others exactly how I want to be treated and make sure I don't do any wrong to them that I wouldn't want to be done to me. I'll always listen, I'll always care, I'll always apologzie, I'll never ignore, I'll never turn shoulders, I won't look down on anyone, I'll won't disprespect, I'll forever find time, I'll forever laugh, I don't hate, I don't play, I'll forgive and forget, but first and foremost I will love.

I want everybody to laugh, LOVE, and live life.

I'll continue to give, and I'll continue to recieve; but who would do this for me?

... I figured if I treated others this way, you somebody else would treat me the same. I hope I'm not wrong...


Heart, please don't fall hard... or actually, please do.


...I hope you don't hurt me.

Mobile Blogging

How exciting!

Now I can post from anywhere so I don't have to wait until I get home to
post what I'm feeling.

So here is a quick test/1st mobile post.

Snow... beautiful and dangerous. Thanks for making me cry this weekend,
I thought I was gonna die being stuck in the middle of a blizzard in my
car lost on the road.

--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Alive

Have you ever just had that feeling? That feeling of ecstasy that everything is going absolutely perfect in life? I'm feeling that right about now. Despite school and it's complications; things could not be any better for me. Or actually, they can be a lot better, but I am just happy and content with how things are running for me now.

I've never felt so ALIVE. I'm living life like no other as of this moment. I'm so happy to be running around each day with all my friends and loved ones. As this long and stressful quarter comes to end, new beginnings come into play and the past begins to close. Things are going ridiculously awesome for me and I couldn't be any more content than I am now.

In addition to this, I am feeling so unbelievably accomplished at all my tasks; recently with the help of my board, we threw the best Pilipino Thanksgiving there has been in years. I can call that my real Thanksgiving along with the few others that I went to.

You know that feeling you get when you roll down the windows in your car on a cool autumn day at an idle stop light and all the problems in the world seem to disappear for that split second as the breeze collectively grazes your face in and out of the door? Yeah, it's something like that, except it's happening for much more than a split second.

Yeah, it's something like that.

make a wish...