So this was quite a week. I did a lot of hanging out with friends and a lot of cheating on my resolutions. UGGGH. Well, first I wasnt supposed to eat after seven thirty but these past couple of nights I ate late. I even spent more than twenty dollars on food this week. Really not good.

Well, to start off the week; I believe it was on Tuesday when I went to Hooters to hang out with Joy, Jowee, and Leo. It was cool since I saw Leos, Ermies, Anas, and Russels new apartment. Its really nice; I really like the paint job and everything. Hooters was really cool, this crazy magician guy entertained us while we were waiting for our food. And I ate a GRIP of chicken wings, we ordered fifty but Im POSITIVE that I ate the majority of the wings. Im not complaining though. I have been keeping up with my workouts and I am actually seeing a difference, but I havent stepped on the scale in a long time so Im not sure if Im going to see the difference on the scale…

Another thing with my resolutions was the so called dont step in the API for one quarter resolution. That failed miserably. Its cool though, because I think that I should just change that resolution to make sure that I get studying done in the API. Its cool because I got to see everybody again and catch up with them. BUT the main reason why I went into the API was to try out for one of the major roles in PACN. I believe that my audition went well; other than the singing of course. Im really hoping to get it though; I dont know, I just really want it. BUT if I dont get it, its alright, I mean just being in PACN is a great experience in general. However, I would be much more hyped up if I got one of the major roles of course.

Earlier this week I hung out with Kim too; we went to sushi and teriyaki where I spent even MORE money on food. Terrible, just terrible. Fun times though, fun times. We just caught up with each other and what we did over vacation and junk. I felt fat being the only one eating, but its alright, I was huuungry.

On the bad side, I had to drop my CIS class this quarter; it was just too much with the other classes that I was taking. Its like all my projects were assigned and due on all the same days. The CIS class took up the majority of my time and I wasnt able to get it. I plan on retaking the class next quarter for sure though. I could study up on the on line material that the professor posts up.

Later on in the week I drank at the Citrus apartment. Really chill though. It was just something to do since I had no class on Friday and had nothing to do on that Thursday night. I had fun in general; mostly drank with Ermie, Leo, and Pat. I had to stay the night because I didnt want to risk driving in all that rain.

I also hung out with Karla, Alyssa, and Caleb. We all totally caught up on things and it was really cool. Caleb has a really good thing going with his Job and apartment and everything. His girlfriend is cool and has a tight dog and cat. We all got crazy allergies though. I played Mario Kart 64 against Ariyan, I think thats how you spell her name… well I lost terribly. I played Boxing against her too… lost terribly again. And Im not even going to go into Bowling and tennis. UGH. Well we drank and hung out for a while then we went to meet up with some other people in Irvine. It was cool hopping around all over the place. But I still had to head back home to my apartment later on that night since I had a test the next morning…

I had to take the GWT, the graduate writing test. I met up with Jenny because she had to take it also, it was unbelievable easy. No sweat at all. As for work, they got me working almost every day this next up coming week; so I guess that means no Nor Cal for me. Vibe was today, I couldnt go because of work too. I mean its cool because now Im getting hours and recognition as an oldie. So Im enjoying work more. Im really hoping that everybody was cool at Vibe. I really wanted to watch everybody from 909 dance along with TM and Jenny on CG…

My hair is getting longer. Im liking it. I could pull off this messy look and I cant wait until it gets longer. BUT it takes a lot more time to actually do it now, so if I need to fix it really quick its not going to work out.

Among other things happened this week… I ate some potato chips; though I wasnt supposed to. It cant be helped… its just going to happen. I really like it when it happens though; for some reason, it feels like US again.

Thank you. Im sorry I didnt trust you with my gift. And now I cant wait… youre the best.

What a week…

Its been so crazy this past week. Ive been packed with school work and I feel like Im busier than ever even though Im taking a huge break from the whole Barkada thing. Im still keeping up with my resolutions for the most part; getting back in shape in particular.

Still. Ive had a rough week. I had a special talk with a friend a couple of days ago; I got really emotional. Lets just say I was able to clear a lot of things up. I learned a lot about myself. I guess. Still, I continually feel like Ive done something wrong, and Im still doing something wrong. I feel like I make all the mistakes, every problem there was; I feel like I made every problem. I can deny it as much as I want, but the feeling still comes back. Even when Im not expecting it, it tears me apart in just a few unexpecting minutes. At least I gave everything; at least I know that I could have given the whole world. I gave away my most sentimental item I own to somebody very important to me. It was really hard for me to do; but it had to be done. I feel naked without it everyday. I hope that person always takes care of it… Im almost there.

Im going to try not to think about it as much anymore. This weekend has been AWESOME so far. Talk about reunions and meeting new people. SO I heard from three old friends this week; and hung out with one of them. I hung out with Caleb and plan to hit up Ivan and Grace sometime this week when I get the chance. Its amazing how much people change in just a few years; I know my whole group has gone through changes. This past weekend I actually went to a party with some 909 people. Met some really cool cats. I had a lot of fun celebrating Irishs birthday. I drank a tad bit; good times though. Johns Incredible Pizza was fun, but the after party was even better. Karaoke, chillin, I brought my Ive Never board game. It was a chill party but still I made some new friends. The next day I headed back to Victorville and hung out with Caleb; we went to chill at Starbucks and then to Jorells party. I havent seen that guys in years either; must have been since high school. Seriously, to name some of the people Ive met and heard from this past week that I havent in years include Lynne, Caleb, Jorell, Christine, Ivan, Grace… definitely all fun though. Now that I technically should have more time, I could catch up with all of them. I still need to drop by Gretas to see the new baby; before it gets older! I had a good talk with JoJo at her party; always a cool person to hang out with.

My life is going through a lot of changes right now. Im meeting so many new people and at the same time meeting up with so many old friends. Ive missed out from these past two years; not that I regret any of it though.

Im heading in a new direction in life and Im just prepping the big news. Im not going to leave this whole Barkada life, I know theyll always be there.

I know it doesnt seem like it, but Im not happy in life right now; in fact Im very sad. It just gets harder and harder everyday for me to get up and stay focused. I need a reason to be happy; the number one reason why I was happy is now gone, in a sense.

I wish you could be my reason again. Im the reason Im still holding on, youve already let me go… what if I find somebody else? Would I be able to do it? I dont want to hurt you, but I want to be happy. Would you be hurt if I found somebody? Would it make you happy? Im still always concerned about how you think… are you even concerned about how I feel? Or is it if Im happy, youll be happy for me? I never want to hurt you again…

… something unexpected happened this weekend. NOTHING serious, just ask, and Ill tell.

This was a busy week. Once again I failed to go to Church. This time I had A LOT of studying to do. I just spent this whole day behind this computer trying to finish a presentation for my group project. Other than that all my other resolutions are going well…

Anyways, some really interesting things came up this week. I was myspaced by a couple of really old friends back in the day. Definitely gotta chill with them sometime especially if Im going to be totally MIA this quarter. Ive got a lot of catching up to do with everybody and myself. Doesnt mean that Im totally going to disappear from the whole Barkada thing; in fact Im still around at some events. I definitely want to play intramurals and I like going to other schools to meet up new people. I went to Irvine earlier this week with Barkada and ended up just chillen at Karlas apartment.

This was a sad week for me. Still reminiscing on the past I suppose; you know people always try to hide away old feelings denying it, but eventually they leak out. Happened to me this week at least. I went to Karlas Aunts 25th year anniversary; the silver years. I had a lot of fun, I got to hang out with her cousins that I havent seen in a long time. Strange thing was that I saw Ana and Russel there. I had a long heart to heart talk with Ana. I learned a lot of things from the other side and Im much more understanding of my present situation. Things are getting better though. Im not as hung up as before this year. I heard this quote from one of my friends and at first I felt that I could totally relate to it…

What hurts the most is that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, youre not even trying to keep me…

Yeah, thats a really sad quote. But thats how I felt at first. After speaking with Ana, I should understand that I did nothing wrong, maybe you dont want the world. And eventually someday youll be ready to accept it; but as for now you just dont want it. I can sit here and reminisce about so many things but its constantly holding me back.

I actually learned A LOT at the anniversary. I mean not only did I learn that we could possibly ask them to help out with PACN [Their cultural dances were AWESOME] but life lessons. 25 years is a long time. Thats longer than Ive lived. How do you stay with somebody that long? I heard trust a lot, I heard patience a lot, I heard understanding a lot, but one interesting one was that you should never go to bed being mad or angry at your significant other. That is one of the greatest advices Ive ever heard of. Im definitely going to use that in the future haha.

You know, I shouldnt be scared, but at the same time I am. There are so many risks. But life is about taking risks right? Not yet though. Most definitely not yet…

Another thing, I find myself getting jealous a lot. I shouldnt be though; there will always be a space for me in their heart. I should always remember that. Nobody can take that place. I would be more mad and jealous if I were replaced by someone exactly like me rather than somebody different.

On a different note, Im trying to grow my hair out. I have this really cool look that Im trying to pull off. But its going to take awhile for my hair to grow in. Im in that ugly phase right now where there isnt much that you could do with your hair.

Im not trying to stay away from you

Happy New Year! First week of the New Year and I plan to change myself. Ive gone through a lot this year and Ive learned a lot about myself as well. Ill dont regret anything that has happened this past year. This past year was probably the greatest year of my life; I can honestly say that. I may not have ended the year with the great feelings that started me last year, but I plan on starting new with the new year. New Year, new me. If youre reading this now, good job; you should know that I plan on writing in my blog every Sunday night. I have several New Years resolutions planned out for this year. Of course theres the usual become healthier, more self conscious, get back to church, and get in better shape resolutions; but I do have others in mind. FIRST I would love to spend less than twenty dollars a week on food not counting groceries; HUGE money saver. Next I would like to attempt to make a new friend every week. Increase my social skills ya know?

I spent this year with wonderful people, too many people to name out. Im sure if you read the blogs from before you know who Im talking about. A lot more people have learned about me and my life, others have yet to find out. This year is about change for me. It may take only a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even the whole year; regardless, this year is about change for me. Changing myself for the better. Its about time I mature a little. Ill be taking a break from Barkada for a little while; for real this time. And Im most definitely not going to step into the API this quarter, at least try not to. Its too much of a distraction from my studying. No more procrastination either; thats not only going toward my studies. Its also towards my lifestyle. GET THINGS DONE. I want to be on top of things.

This past week was a good week for the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, I did miss church today; though I was planning to start off the year by trying my best to go to Church weekly. BUT today I was planning to go, we had a family get together today for lunch so I couldnt make it. Tomorrow Im beginning my intense work outs. Im still practicing every night. This year is going to be good. I didnt want to start off the year with the same feelings that I had ending last year. So if I had a glass in my hand I would say CHEERS to the new year! And thank you to everyone who made last year absolutely memorable. You all should know who you are…

I love you.