Anyways, so it was somewhat of a dead week. Nothing too crazy happened especially with PACN coming up soon.

I spent Monday just studying. Yeah, nothing too special there, I got a lot of work done but still had a lot to do afterwards. Just went to PACN practice afterwards. Sayaw is moving along. Tuesday was pretty much the same thing. I studied, went to class, and then went to PACN practice. I helped Mark finish his homework for CIS class. It was pretty cool, its been awhile since I worked with Java but I managed to do it successfully.

So it was midterms week. I had a midterm on Wednesday for Organizational Behavior. Not too bad, the test was actually really hard. But since I always did the reading and studied ahead of class, it wasnt too bad. This coming week I actually have a midterm for CIS class. Im really not looking forward to that. This quarter is going by unbelievably fast though. Its probably because of PACN. Im so nervous about it too. Theres a lot of work to be done at PACN, school, and work life.

It was JoJos birthday on the 25th. I had a grip of fun; its been awhile since Ive seen her and everybody. I decided to buy her a PACN ticket for her birthday. Hopefully she and all her roomies will be able to go. I felt bad though at the party. I forgot a girls name for some reason that Ive been chillen with the whole time there. She drove me to my car and I totally blanked out. Who knows why, I guess sometimes it just happens. I felt really bad though. Anyways, hopefully Ill be able to see them all again at Ultimate Brawl. I DO remember her name now though. Im going to make sure it sticks the whole time.

So my last day at Hollister was supposed to be on Friday. I went there and they didnt even need me. So I couldve stayed longer at the party and drank more. I didnt even drink that much. So now Im officially unemployed. Ah well. I was looking at an internship for Buckle and Walgreens. Buckle has already turned me down; however, there is an interest at Walgreens. So Im actually excited about it after reading a lot of reviews. The problem is that Im not sure if Ill be able to go to school at the same time. I need to go to school if I want to graduate on time; so its kind of a risk that Im not too sure if Im planning to take. Its not even for sure that Im going to get the internship.

I chilled at Calebs again this past weekend. Just played Halo and Smash. He bought two PACN tickets, so its going to be cool that hes going. A lot of my friends are planning to go actually, so hell be able to see all the Victorville people again.

Anyways, later that night after I went back to my apartment, Mark stayed the night; too tired from partying I guess. It was cool though, its always a pleasure hanging out with him. I do worry about him and school though; he already knows that.

It was also my brothers birthday this weekend. We just spent time with the family walking around Pasadena. We ended up eating at Todai; I got so stuffed. Luckily Im still working out! Afterwards we visited my Tita Dawns house to see my Grandma since she just got surgery. Its good to see that shes doing well. My cousins are getting so old. I didnt even realize that Sammy is in the fourth grade now. Im sure missing out on a lot.

So nominations are coming up in a couple of weeks. Im not sure if I want to do it yet. People have been wondering if Im going to run for president; but I really dont know if I could handle that. Itd be cool too, but Im not sure if I could handle that. I know Vinz wants to run and Rodney is thinking about it; so itd be cool if they ran. If they both ran, they I probably wouldnt cause Id know that the club would be in good hands next year. For a chair? I dont even know about that either. Theres too many things telling me no. I have to graduate. I need an internship. My parents dont want me to. So I dunno. It will all come down to the day of accept and decline. Hopefully Ill make the right choice…

So yea, nothing too crazy this week. Im not even expecting anything too crazy this next week either. At least until PACN is over.

Ever wake up in bed and say to yourself what am I doing? Thats what Im asking myself now… what am I doing? No pride. No pride at all. Lets see if I got this lesson learned…

Alright, so its been quite a week. Actually, its been quite an amazing week.

I guess we can start on Monday. Mark and Froi came over from San Diego. They wanted to go swimming but because there was a crazy party Sunday night, the management closed the pool. Well we just chilled until PACN practice. Watched Ratatouille and did some reading. PACN practice was good. My Sayaw Sa Bangko crew is getting so much better. It was the last week before they found out who gets to go on the second and third levels.

Alright so Tuesday came along. I had to get a lot done so that I had all the materials needed for the career fair on Thursday. I had to finish up a rough draft of my first resume so that I could take it to resumaniac on Wednesday. So I did and I let Erin edit it. Totally helped me out A LOT. Another crazy thing happened on Tuesday also. I GOT MY HAIR CUT. Oh no. So I thought that I was just going to clean it up so that I looked cleaner for the interviews, but when the lady finished at Supercuts I didnt like it at all. But I didnt want to tell her that because I didnt want to hurt her feelings, so I just took it and went to another Supercuts. I asked them to basically cut it short. So now I looked like how I did last year. No more hair coloring, not long anymore. HEY its a lot cleaner now so Im not really complaining. I like it. BUT I dont like how hair looks like right after a haircut, you kinda have to get used to it first. But now Im rockin those fitted hats and stuff.

So Wednesday was Resumaniac. I got my resume all edited by some professionals. Totally tore it apart. In the end though, I had a really good resume ready for the next day. I had to drop off some pay check stubs to the new apartment complex that we were moving to. So after that I went to Victoria Gardens since it was close. I just went to buy some new clothes for Thursday. I was getting all spiffy and clean for it. Well I had a quick talk with Mark at PACN practice. But more importantly, my Grandma was in surgery on Wednesday. I was sort of talking to him about that and about some rumors going around. Anyways, I just headed home after and went to bed early. I called up Karla too and decided to hang out with her Thursday night after my plans.

Career day came. It was Thursday. Well, to make a long story short, it didnt go too well. There werent any companies looking for Marketing Interns. There were a lot that were looking for graduates. So it was pretty much a failure. I couldnt find any opportunities for the next quarter. All that work not necessarily for nothing because I got some experience now. It sucks because I just quit my job for Hollister. This coming week will be my last week scheduled there. My mom was cool with it at first but she really wants me to find another job. I talked to Christie about some secrets on Thursday. That was interesting. Its ok, shes more than trustworthy. Thursday night a lot of stuff happened. My plans to chill with Jay were cancelled because he was too tired; its understandable. Dancers are quite busy. So I had back up plans to chill with Karla. Went to Irvine and basically hung out with her and some of her friends. We saw a free concert supporting the bone marrow drive. Apparently we were at the same table with the bands parents. FUNNY. We talked to the parents of a pretty big band. Anyways, I just headed to her apartment afterwards and hung out til I left. I didnt get to talk to her about some of my issues going on, but I still had a good time just chillen. It was technically still early by the time I left. It wasnt even midnight. But I was very tired. I got home and ended up calling Mark to see what I missed at practice or if anything was going on. Well what had actually ended up happening was me talking to Mark about some of the things going on in my life. We pretty much had an hour and a half long conversation. I mean, we do chill a lot, but its not that often that we had deep conversations. I dont really have the liberty to go into detail about everything since this is public; but lets just say that I got a lot of things out of my mind. I got a little emo on the phone; whatever. We talked about my problems and we talked about his problems. It was a good talk. No, it was a great talk. I felt so much better afterwards. Things are looking up. Hes a good ading.

Friday was a day. I didnt have to work so I visited my Mom, brother, and sister at Victoria Gardens. We had lunch and stuff. Walked around for a little bit but I had to head to school for PACN practice. LONGEST PRACTICE EVER. I had Sayaw Practice at 6PM and Maria Clara practice at 12PM. A SIX HOUR GAP. My God. Next week, we decided to move practice to 3PM. Thank goodness. I just found out today that Im working. Ill have to find another person to fill in for me at practice. So after practice, I had to head to Huntington Beach. All stinky and nasty. Jenny was supposed to ride with me but ended up going on her own since she had to stay in Irvine afterwards. Its all good. We hung out at Geralds apartment. VERY NICE place I must say. I met some new people and hung out with some old buddies. I watched them make blue cupcakes because I sure cant bake. I FINALLY got to hang out with Jenny after a long time. Didnt really get to talk though; she had to leave early. After she left, I hung out with Jaypeg, Dee, Jay, Justin, Gerald, Kim, and Kathy. Talk about a room full of dancers! Haha, its ok, theyre a lot of fun. We played spoons. I was already buzzing so I had a HUGE disadvantage. So after the first four or five games, I kept losing and losing. So many games. I kept drinking and drinking. Oh no… well, you know how I get when I drink a lot. I dry heaved ONCE after they all knocked out. Well, Gerald helped me. I dont throw up. I knocked out soon afterwards.

Oh Saturday. I woke up with a HANGOVER. One of those that feel like youre drunk when you wake up but youre not. It hurt so bad. I ended up being LATE for PACN practice. AND I was in such a rush that I left my hat at Geralds. Ill get it back someday for sure… So practice was ok. Everybody could tell that I was hungover. I wasnt even walking straight. So yeah, practice, what more could I say? OH we got tickets and fliers for PACN. So I was able to sell them to family and friends now. Promote like crazy because I want a lot of people to go this year! Afterwards I went back to Victorville. I chilled with the family and went to Karlas later on that night. Kurt got a new dog that bites. Its cute though. I ate Karlas desert. Shes getting a lot better at cooking. Nothing much, I just hung out. Told her about my festivities on Friday night.

So now its Sunday. Got a lot of rest in the morning. Ive just been working on homework. I went back to the apartment early. I applied for an internship at BUCKLE. Hopefully Ill get it. I spoke to Rodney and well have five benches for sure tomorrow. ALRIGHT! I helped Mark a lot on his homework for CIS class. And now Ive just been writing in this blog.

I had a great week. I hope this coming week is just as good… or even better.

Its over. Its finally over. But were not. Thank God. A fresh start. A new day. A brighter future. You are too cool.

Alright, sorry for posting the blog late, I was just really tired from last night that I wanted to knock out. SO a lot has happened this week to a certain extent.

One of the good things to know is that I am still working out and still keeping in shape. So out of all my resolutions I feel that Ive been working on that one the most. Hollister has been bugging me a lot these past couple of weeks. First off I hardly get any hours. For real. From the past three weeks Id have to say that Ive worked like twelve hours. Those twelve hours are only my assigned shifts. I have call ins on many other days but they never need me. Im just about ready to quit. During this week my managers got really mad at me because I wasnt following the Hollister look policy. I mean it was true that I wasnt, but it sort of gave me the kick that I dont even wear Hollister clothes or even try to look like it. Honestly, Im just about sure that Im going to be quitting sometime the next couple of weeks.

Something to look forward to is Calebs birthday in Vegas. I was so stoked to go and I was just about one hundred percent sure that I could go. I even said that I could, but our PACN hell weeks start so I really need to be there. PACN is really kicking me hard.

Studying has been ok. When the quarter first started I got far ahead. I kept on reading ahead and doing assignments early, but now everything is catching up to me. Im no longer ahead, Im on track. But soon I may be falling behind which isnt good. I really need to stay focused on classes because I want to graduate next year. Im even in the API studying while everybody is having a good time. Speaking of PACN practices, things are going very well. My Sayaw crew are doing relatively well and we should be finishing up within the next couple of weeks which means cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning before the PACN.

Mark also came over again sometime this week. Im not too sure when, but he was tired from b.MOD hell week. Not surprised, theyre out until around three AM just practicing every day. Basically they were getting ready for FUSION that I really wanted to go to this year. I couldnt go because we were celebrating my Moms birthday that day. So it was Mikes and my Moms birthday this week. They both have the same birthday but we celebrated Mikes on Friday and my Moms on Sunday. It was cool; Mike had a good amount of drinks to hold a good buzz at TGIF. I chilled at his apartment with Liz, Jac, and Lonnie.

Ive started to promote PACN to all my friends. Im hoping to sell at least thirty tickets. Sounds like a lot, but actually its not even a lot compared to other people. But hey, Im hoping I have a good turnout especially with my scene. Im really excited for my scenes; I helped Vinz develop my Kawawa scene. Haha its going to be crazy; I dunno if I could cry on the spot.

I have an interesting story. So I thought that my earrings had already healed because they dont hurt at all and I could rotate them and everything without a problem. Because of that, I thought that I could buy myself some fake plugs and put them in. When I tried taking out my earrings, they started BLEEDING. OH MAN. I freaked out, cleaned it up, and put them back in. I guess I really do have to wait six weeks for them to heal. That should mean about two or three more weeks before I could change them and take them off.

Later on in the week, I went to go visit E-board at Rodneys house while they built benches. Its looking really good, Im glad that the benches are finally coming together. Now Im really excited! Anyways, we played brawl and unbelievably I BEAT ALL OF THEM. I dont own a gamecube or a Wii yet I still got them. Haha. Well, in the end it was all fun.

There was a PACN actors meeting this weekend before Riversides PACN. The actor meeting was chill; we went through the script and got a really good idea of whats in store for the second half. Its going to be so sad. But its a really well developed script that Im going to enjoy. After everybody went to Riversides PACN but I couldnt go. I went back to Victorville to chill with family. Later on that night after I watched I am Legend with the family, I went to Karlas house because she was cooking. Though I was full, she wanted me to eat what she had made. It was really good; but we just wanted to catch up with each other. Shes enjoying everything right now.

So my Moms birthday was a lot of fun. We just walked around a couple of malls even though it was BLAZING hot. Just shopped around a little until it was dinner. OH, we found a new apartment. Its a little farther, but things are looking good. We should be moving by the end of May. Its in Rancho. Ive been really thinking about it, and Ive wanted a haircut. At the same time Im afraid that its not going to turn out how I want it to be. SO Ive decided to keep growing it until after PACN and decided what to do from there. Hopefully Ill have an idea by then. I need a new job, Im going to be job searching probably after PACN.

So crazy week. This coming week is going to be just as crazy if Im right... we shall see what happens.

Humility or humiliated? Both? I dunno, too many one last times… way too many. I feel dirty about this guilty pleasure. Itll be the same even if I get off this addiction right? Hopefully… too many one last times… let go. Just. Let. Go.

Wow, so this was the first week of school. I can honestly say that a lot has happened over this week. I have a lot to talk about also. Ill try to keep this short because I have class early tomorrow at eight.

So Monday came around and I had that sudden epiphany that I need to get all my work together. Some things that came to mind included needing to graduate on time, changing majors, getting an internship, and getting all the classes done. I looked ahead to see if I could graduate on time and found that I needed to take a certain class this quarter in order to graduate in the Spring. LUCKY ME I got one of the last seats left in class. So I dropped my CIS class and finally began taking all the marketing classes that I need. I officially changed majors now and have turned in the form to the registrars office. So things are moving along well. If I get all the classes I need and pass them, then I should be able to graduate by Spring quarter. Ill have to take sixteen unit quarters in order to do so including Summer. Mark came over on Monday because he had an early class on Tuesday. I let him stay the night and we had a cool time just chilling and hanging out like the good ol Kuya Ading pair we are. I also downloaded a GRIP of songs this week. A lot of them are alternative rock bands like Fall Out Boy, PANIC, and Gym Class Heroes. Anyways, my hair is getting crazy once again, I dont know what to do with it. Im getting a lot of opinions from everybody; so like before, I am on the verge of cutting it! Im not too sure yet though, after all Ive been growing it out for awhile.

Tuesday was the first day of school. Way to go Spring quarter. My first class didnt start until ten so it wasnt too bad. JoJo came over on Tuesday and we had a great time catching up and having deep conversations. Weve both been going through some issues. I took her to In N Out since she hasnt had it since before lent. Went back to the apartment and just chilled until I had class at night. I have a night class at eight; really sucks. So I have a class at eight in the morning and eight at night. We had our first PACN practice on Tuesday of the quarter. Unfortunately I couldnt make it because I was chilling with JoJo and I had class. After I met up with them and hung out for a little but left because I had a lot of studying to do after the first day of school! Believe or not, Im trying to get ahead of the game while I still can. I had A LOT of work this week. But I am getting it all finished so its all good.

Wednesday came around. Second day of school and I had a class at eight in the morning. My classes really arent that bad this quarter though. I actually have two hybrid courses so its looking really good for me. We had our second PACN practice and I saw some new faces at our Sayaw practice. We really need to get the ball rolling because we dont have that much time left before PACN. On a good note, Sayaw practice went really well and people are picking up everything really fast. I really do hope that we get everything finished soon; we shall see!

I went to the Barkada meeting on Thursday. Nothing much, it was just the first meeting of the quarter. Basically, they talked about Sportsfest and PACN; the usual. I spoke with Christie and Mark and they both needed to borrow books from me. I let mark borrow two books and Im letting Christie borrow one book. I was going to just borrow books from friends this quarter, but I figured that my Mom would just use the money to get a tax break. Books were really expensive for me this quarter; all I got were three books. In total, it would have cost me four hundred fifty dollars, but I bought them off campus and got them for one hundred dollars cheaper. We didnt have PACN practice that night; instead there was a Sportsfest hype night. I dropped by after class but had to head back to Victorville later on. I had to help my Mom with some bank stuff the next morning.

Friday came around; it was the first day of Sportsfest. Unfortunately I missed the first day. I got to Pomona late and I had work. I was hoping to get there after but things seemed to be dead by the time I was out. Well, I wasnt about to miss the second day of Sportsfest so I went to bed early. At Sportsfest, I decided to volunteer and play volleyball. I helped at the registration booth along with other things. I was only able to play one game of volleyball [which we lost]. We had a difficult time trying to find girls to play for our team. I watched the halftime show to support b.MOD and Mark. I saw Gayle which was awesome; didnt really get to catch up because I had to leave right after the show. On my way out, I saw Jenny. She seemed really sad like she had a lot of things on her mind. We didnt get to talk and I really didnt want to throw out all the problems Ive been having lately to her. Hopefully we can hang out soon and vent out on some things. Hope things are ok with her. Like I said, I had to leave early. I went back to Victorville and spent the rest of the weekend with family.

ANYWAYS, there have been a lot of things going on in my mind lately. I cant count the number of people who have told me the same advice… just stop. I swear, its like an addiction. Rather, its like a routine. I have to stop. I will find something better and will move on to better things. I just have to build up some pride and build up some self respect; even if it disappoints some people. Case in point; these are my deepest fears; disappointment and guilt. I cant even go into detail how much I fear those. Ive always had the mentality that no matter how much something or somebody hurts me, as long as I dont fail to disappoint its ok. In this situation, its not. I will overcome it; Lord give me strength…

Well, it was good seeing you this weekend. At least youre acting nice to me now; so much nicer. Youve given me something that I deserve. That of which Im saying, I deserved better than before… thank you. I swear these feelings are killing me. Im trying to toss them away because I dont want to get hurt and I dont want to hurt you anymore. Why do I ask this question… what are we? Something? No. Probably nothing. Were going to be fine.