This was a busy week. Once again I failed to go to Church. This time I had A LOT of studying to do. I just spent this whole day behind this computer trying to finish a presentation for my group project. Other than that all my other resolutions are going well…

Anyways, some really interesting things came up this week. I was myspaced by a couple of really old friends back in the day. Definitely gotta chill with them sometime especially if Im going to be totally MIA this quarter. Ive got a lot of catching up to do with everybody and myself. Doesnt mean that Im totally going to disappear from the whole Barkada thing; in fact Im still around at some events. I definitely want to play intramurals and I like going to other schools to meet up new people. I went to Irvine earlier this week with Barkada and ended up just chillen at Karlas apartment.

This was a sad week for me. Still reminiscing on the past I suppose; you know people always try to hide away old feelings denying it, but eventually they leak out. Happened to me this week at least. I went to Karlas Aunts 25th year anniversary; the silver years. I had a lot of fun, I got to hang out with her cousins that I havent seen in a long time. Strange thing was that I saw Ana and Russel there. I had a long heart to heart talk with Ana. I learned a lot of things from the other side and Im much more understanding of my present situation. Things are getting better though. Im not as hung up as before this year. I heard this quote from one of my friends and at first I felt that I could totally relate to it…

What hurts the most is that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, youre not even trying to keep me…

Yeah, thats a really sad quote. But thats how I felt at first. After speaking with Ana, I should understand that I did nothing wrong, maybe you dont want the world. And eventually someday youll be ready to accept it; but as for now you just dont want it. I can sit here and reminisce about so many things but its constantly holding me back.

I actually learned A LOT at the anniversary. I mean not only did I learn that we could possibly ask them to help out with PACN [Their cultural dances were AWESOME] but life lessons. 25 years is a long time. Thats longer than Ive lived. How do you stay with somebody that long? I heard trust a lot, I heard patience a lot, I heard understanding a lot, but one interesting one was that you should never go to bed being mad or angry at your significant other. That is one of the greatest advices Ive ever heard of. Im definitely going to use that in the future haha.

You know, I shouldnt be scared, but at the same time I am. There are so many risks. But life is about taking risks right? Not yet though. Most definitely not yet…

Another thing, I find myself getting jealous a lot. I shouldnt be though; there will always be a space for me in their heart. I should always remember that. Nobody can take that place. I would be more mad and jealous if I were replaced by someone exactly like me rather than somebody different.

On a different note, Im trying to grow my hair out. I have this really cool look that Im trying to pull off. But its going to take awhile for my hair to grow in. Im in that ugly phase right now where there isnt much that you could do with your hair.

Im not trying to stay away from you