Five Fingers

Have you ever played five fingers? The rules are simple, you hold up five fingers and everyone in the circle goes around and says something that they've never done; and if you have done it, you must put your finger down. The last person to keep all five fingers up wins the game.

Unfortunately, this metaphor of a tale will only require my own personal truths:

I'm currently holding five fingers up. I'm on top of my game as they stand tall and proud. Then I see you walk into this game and my walls immediately break down as you come into the picture. It's just the two of us left as you utter those unbareable words... I've never.

I've never been completely open to you...

I have always been completely open to you and to everybody around me. I've spoken my feelings and emotions to you countless times and wondered if you could actually tell me something interesting in return. I don't think I can ever shut you out, slam the doors, or close my books on you; I'll leave everything out in the open. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you shut me out of your life.

I've never regretted anything I've said...

Saying that I've never regretted telling you absolutely everything would be a lie on my part; so another finger goes down as I'm left with three. I feel like I'm building a wall between us rather than breaking them down. Every word I speak adds another brick, harder cement, and more resistance between us. I regret it all, telling you my secrets and dispensing my advice on your life to help you. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; you don't regret telling me that it wasn't going to work out and you don't regret hurting me.

I've never told you anything that I didn't mean...

I didn't mean what I had just said; I didn't mean that I regret it, in actuality I'm completely thankful for it; I'm left with two. I'm thankful for telling you everything, for boosting your ego, and giving you my all because now you know just how much potential I have and that you may lose if I'm broken; and that in fact I did mean. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you really meant it, you don't think it's going to work out.

I've never thought that it was the right time for us...

I've always thought that it was the right time. Maybe I was wrong but saying that I've never thought that it was the right time wouldn't make me completely honest; all I have is one now. I'm being completely honest now, I still think it's the right time. My heart drops as I notice your five fingers continue standing tall; so you never thought it was the right time us and as stated before, you really meant it.

I've never wanted to be with you and I don't want to be with you...

My heart hits the bottom shattered in pieces all over the floor. I believe it's pretty self explanatory. Hesitant to bring my last finger down, I have no choice in this game of truth. So now my eyes are tightly shut closed and my hand is clenched in the form of a fist; sad, mad, angry, depressed, frustrated, and tense....

Slowly but surely, my arm relaxes and my fist and eyes are opened to the realization of past times being over.

I utter a fake smile.

"I'm out of fingers... I guess I lost."

Then you look at me with compassionate, pitiful, and sorrowful eyes about the mistakes you've done and how you wish you could undo the past. Your eyes say it all; they never lie to me and in that single instant you've somehow managed to pick up all the pieces and put it together.

"Here, I only have four fingers left but you can borrow some of mine"

You interlock fingers with me as I think to myself, I lost the game, but I think I won your heart in the end.

My hand does wonders; please clasp my hand, hold it softly, and never let it go. Everything will be a-ok.